10 months...
You've reached the double digits, Annabeth! Ten months! I remember feeling a great sense of accomplishment and relief when you turned 10 weeks old. Someone, I don't even remember who, told me, "Once they get to 12 weeks, things get better." Not that things were really bad, by any means, but I don't think I'm one of those moms who thrives in the newborn stage. I think I'm doing better the older you get, so it's probably a good thing you have zero recollection of your early days.
I find myself in this strange space between wanting you to get older but also wanting you to stay little. I think the little part is really just because you're so dang cute. I would say that I'm biased, but the truth is, everyone says that about you. We can't go anywhere without a crop of people stopping to admire your blue eyes, steal a smile from you, comment on your hair and your teeth, and then say how precious you are. I don't want you to get a big head, but I also want you to believe that you're truly beautiful. You are! People wouldn't say it if it weren't true. However, the thing that really seals the deal is your personality. Your charm is what people love the most, and it's what's inside that makes a person beautiful. I want you to remember that.
Your list of accomplishments is really growing quickly these days, and sometimes I feel like I'm not doing a very good job of keeping up. You are so close to crawling, but you have yet to make up your mind to do so. I keep telling you dad that you'll eventually do it when you're ready. Honestly, I think you're there, but I also don't want to push it because I like being able to keep you in the same room with me rather than having to constantly chase you around. You've mastered the ability to sit up from lying down, and the way you rock back and forth on your knees lets me know that my days are only about to get busier as I try to keep up with you. You've got two more teeth coming in, which seems to really surprise people. Those little teeth are sharp as razors. I have a few bite marks here and there to prove it. I hope that doesn't become a trend. You are still eating a lot of new foods and can feed yourself well. We haven't handed over the spoon just yet, but you can pick anything up and put it in your mouth without much effort. You are a social butterfly and your extroverted ways seem to increase on a daily basis. You smile, talk, scream with excitement, and do just about anything for attention. I think you're going to be a little performer, comedian, and risk taker. To be so tiny, you're so strong. You've got a grip that could probably open a pickle jar. You're trying really hard to pull yourself up and having success every now and then. And this month, you've continued to show your fearlessness as you completed your first round of swim lessons. I didn't doubt that you'd like it. You're up for just about anything as long as there is a crowd!
Your dad and I are a few weeks away from being completely done with your bedroom. We've been working on it since we moved into our new home, and I hope that you like it. I was painting your bathroom yesterday afternoon and I began to think about how, as your mother, I always want you to have nice things. I am sure there were many times that my parents gave up their own wishes and went without so that I could have, and I totally get that. When you have a child, they become the priority in so many ways. One day, you'll understand. If I had to choose between getting to eat or getting to feed you, I'd give up my food for you. Now, if one of us had to give up clothes, it would be easier for you because you look a lot better in your birthday suit than I do. Let's hope that's never a choice we have to make. But, I say this because there is a struggle with things. With wanting more but having too much. I've tried really hard to find that balance with you. I try not to indulge and buy you things that are not practical or reasonable. I have to stay away from baby stores because girl clothes are too cute, and I have to be careful not to fill our house with toys that you probably won't end up using anyway. And the thing that seems so crazy about this balance is that you don't care one way or another. You don't know what you do have or don't have. All you're concerned about right now is feeling safe, full, and loved. And one, out of three of those things, money can't buy.
They say money can't buy love. Money can buy you things. Sometimes it's easy to confuse things with love. To think if someone gives us something, that's proof of their love. If they don't, then maybe they don't really care. But here's the truth, it's easier to just give someone something than it is to truly love them. Love requires much more than swiping a debit card. Love requires honesty, vulnerability, faithfulness, and constant effort. It means not giving up. Not walking away. And it means not putting yourself first. Because if you love someone, you want what's best for them. You want to see them succeed. You want things to go well for them. And the challenge that we, as humans, can face is that we often believe God's love is contingent on the things He gives us, on the way he answers our prayers, or on our current circumstances. We get this idea that if God really loved us, He would give us everything we ask for. If he really loved us, we wouldn't face hardship or trial. We'd never have struggles. And we wouldn't be left waiting.
But love doesn't work that way, Annabeth. God's love is. Always. It's constantly around you. Filling your lungs with air each morning. It opens your eyes to see the beauty He has created. His love gives you courage when you are afraid. Hope when all seems lost. His love holds you up when you feel like you can't move forward. It surrounds you on your darkest days and makes the good ones even brighter. His love knit you together in my womb. It wrote out all of your days before each one came to pass. His love shepherds you, leading you beside the still waters in a world that is nothing but chaos. It whispers truth to you when you feel overwhelmed by the lies. It showers you with new mercies every morning. His love died on a cross for your sins so that you could personally know him and have eternal life. His love never leaves you nor forsakes you. It fights for you. It rejoices over you. His love never ends.
And so I want you to know that, sweet girl. To know that you are so dearly loved. You are loved because you are you. Not because of the things you have or because of the things you can give. You are loved because you are Annabeth Louise Davis, and there's nothing you can do about that! A beautiful, comforting, fact to know, huh? And if you ever begin to think that you're not, if you ever fall into the trap of looking for things to prove that you're loved, I want you to remember this truth. To trust in it. To hold on to it. You are loved because you are His and because you are mine. It's really that simple. Loved forever and always will be!
"And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God." - Ephesians 3:17-19
I find myself in this strange space between wanting you to get older but also wanting you to stay little. I think the little part is really just because you're so dang cute. I would say that I'm biased, but the truth is, everyone says that about you. We can't go anywhere without a crop of people stopping to admire your blue eyes, steal a smile from you, comment on your hair and your teeth, and then say how precious you are. I don't want you to get a big head, but I also want you to believe that you're truly beautiful. You are! People wouldn't say it if it weren't true. However, the thing that really seals the deal is your personality. Your charm is what people love the most, and it's what's inside that makes a person beautiful. I want you to remember that.
Your list of accomplishments is really growing quickly these days, and sometimes I feel like I'm not doing a very good job of keeping up. You are so close to crawling, but you have yet to make up your mind to do so. I keep telling you dad that you'll eventually do it when you're ready. Honestly, I think you're there, but I also don't want to push it because I like being able to keep you in the same room with me rather than having to constantly chase you around. You've mastered the ability to sit up from lying down, and the way you rock back and forth on your knees lets me know that my days are only about to get busier as I try to keep up with you. You've got two more teeth coming in, which seems to really surprise people. Those little teeth are sharp as razors. I have a few bite marks here and there to prove it. I hope that doesn't become a trend. You are still eating a lot of new foods and can feed yourself well. We haven't handed over the spoon just yet, but you can pick anything up and put it in your mouth without much effort. You are a social butterfly and your extroverted ways seem to increase on a daily basis. You smile, talk, scream with excitement, and do just about anything for attention. I think you're going to be a little performer, comedian, and risk taker. To be so tiny, you're so strong. You've got a grip that could probably open a pickle jar. You're trying really hard to pull yourself up and having success every now and then. And this month, you've continued to show your fearlessness as you completed your first round of swim lessons. I didn't doubt that you'd like it. You're up for just about anything as long as there is a crowd!
Your dad and I are a few weeks away from being completely done with your bedroom. We've been working on it since we moved into our new home, and I hope that you like it. I was painting your bathroom yesterday afternoon and I began to think about how, as your mother, I always want you to have nice things. I am sure there were many times that my parents gave up their own wishes and went without so that I could have, and I totally get that. When you have a child, they become the priority in so many ways. One day, you'll understand. If I had to choose between getting to eat or getting to feed you, I'd give up my food for you. Now, if one of us had to give up clothes, it would be easier for you because you look a lot better in your birthday suit than I do. Let's hope that's never a choice we have to make. But, I say this because there is a struggle with things. With wanting more but having too much. I've tried really hard to find that balance with you. I try not to indulge and buy you things that are not practical or reasonable. I have to stay away from baby stores because girl clothes are too cute, and I have to be careful not to fill our house with toys that you probably won't end up using anyway. And the thing that seems so crazy about this balance is that you don't care one way or another. You don't know what you do have or don't have. All you're concerned about right now is feeling safe, full, and loved. And one, out of three of those things, money can't buy.
They say money can't buy love. Money can buy you things. Sometimes it's easy to confuse things with love. To think if someone gives us something, that's proof of their love. If they don't, then maybe they don't really care. But here's the truth, it's easier to just give someone something than it is to truly love them. Love requires much more than swiping a debit card. Love requires honesty, vulnerability, faithfulness, and constant effort. It means not giving up. Not walking away. And it means not putting yourself first. Because if you love someone, you want what's best for them. You want to see them succeed. You want things to go well for them. And the challenge that we, as humans, can face is that we often believe God's love is contingent on the things He gives us, on the way he answers our prayers, or on our current circumstances. We get this idea that if God really loved us, He would give us everything we ask for. If he really loved us, we wouldn't face hardship or trial. We'd never have struggles. And we wouldn't be left waiting.
But love doesn't work that way, Annabeth. God's love is. Always. It's constantly around you. Filling your lungs with air each morning. It opens your eyes to see the beauty He has created. His love gives you courage when you are afraid. Hope when all seems lost. His love holds you up when you feel like you can't move forward. It surrounds you on your darkest days and makes the good ones even brighter. His love knit you together in my womb. It wrote out all of your days before each one came to pass. His love shepherds you, leading you beside the still waters in a world that is nothing but chaos. It whispers truth to you when you feel overwhelmed by the lies. It showers you with new mercies every morning. His love died on a cross for your sins so that you could personally know him and have eternal life. His love never leaves you nor forsakes you. It fights for you. It rejoices over you. His love never ends.
And so I want you to know that, sweet girl. To know that you are so dearly loved. You are loved because you are you. Not because of the things you have or because of the things you can give. You are loved because you are Annabeth Louise Davis, and there's nothing you can do about that! A beautiful, comforting, fact to know, huh? And if you ever begin to think that you're not, if you ever fall into the trap of looking for things to prove that you're loved, I want you to remember this truth. To trust in it. To hold on to it. You are loved because you are His and because you are mine. It's really that simple. Loved forever and always will be!
"And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God." - Ephesians 3:17-19
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