he doesn't want to marry me...
"He doesn't want to marry me," you said with your bottom lip turned down. "Why? Why he not wanna marry me?"
"Give it time, baby. He'll probably change his mind one day. Boys don't really think about marriage at this age, so it's best to be friends for now," I replied.
"That's right," said your daddy. "He'll wise up. Any boy will be lucky to marry you because you're so beautiful and kind and smart and funny. But when he decides he wants to marry you, you tell him he has to come ask me if he can first."
I get it, Annabeth. Obviously, you're far away from getting married or even having a boyfriend, but rejection is hard at any age. This is a subject in which your momma has had much education. Three, thirteen, twenty three, thirty. It's always hard. But to see your little heart desire marriage is precious to me. Now, I don't know that you always will desire that and I don't know if marriage is in God's plans for you, but it's a good thing to desire. Our culture will tell you differently. They'll try to convince you that you need to be an independent woman and shouldn't tie yourself down to a man. But God made women nurturers who long to be loved and cared for. There's not a thing wrong with that! And it's a lovely thing to be loved and cared for by someone. Right now, your dad and I have the privilege of carrying that responsibility but we'll pass it on one day to the man who will hold your heart and hand, and he will be a very, very lucky man.
I remember the first boy I ever had a crush on. It lasted for years. He didn't feel the same. And then there was another boy who also didn't feel the same. And that was basically the story of my life. A lot of boys I was interested in and none of them interested in me. Really, there weren't any boys interested in me and if they were, they kept it a great secret. No one asked me out on dates, and any time I got remotely interested in someone and thought that maybe I had their attention, it turned into nothing. I wasn't dating material, or so I was told. And so I really began believing that I was absolutely unlikable and maybe even repulsive and that no one would ever desire to be with me. And if I wasn't able to land a boyfriend, I would have no luck securing a proposal because you really can't have one without the other (unless your parents are arranging your marriage). I cried tears and tears for the continual rejection I felt. Big ol' crocodile tears over boys who wouldn't give me the time of day and who, according to my dad, didn't know what they were missing out on. But clearly they did and my dad was just biased. (He is totally biased, by the way.) Why was it this way? What was wrong with me? Nothing. Nothing was wrong with me other than my mindset. I wish I could go back and un-cry all of those tears because truth be told, if I actually had the chance, I would thank each boy who rejected me along the way. They were doing me a mighty big favor and steering me in the right direction, which was, coincidentally, out of a relationship with them. I'm so very grateful, too, because I would of hung in there for as long as I could have and the hurt would have been far greater than it was.
When I met your dad, I was coming out of my lowest of lows. I had never felt more unloved, unliked, and unworthy in my entire life. I expected rejection from him almost to the point that I wasn't even sure I should give it a shot with him. But I did and I was wrong, thank goodness. And even though we've been married for almost 7 years, I still occasionally have dreams in which he tells me we should just be friends. And it devastates me every time. They're just dreams and he's too late for that statement. But I'm not immune to rejection just because I'm married, Annabeth. I still face it, just in different ways.
You will, too.
You will continue to face rejection, sweet girl. It's part of life. A tough part, but we all go through it. Yet I find comfort in knowing that although we may face rejection from others, there's one who will always accept us. God. Once we're secure in his hands, he never lets go. And his arms are open and welcome to anyone who desires to know him and love him. He understands rejection. He has faced it on a regular basis since the beginning of time. And so did his son, Jesus. But we're safe in Christ, sure to never face rejection from him. A constant. A forever friend. An abiding love. He never leaves nor forsakes us. And when we walk through the valley of hurt and disappointment, feeling alone and rejected, he keeps in stride with us. We are never alone once we've united ourselves with Christ.
There will be a boy, one day... many, many, many days away, that will capture your heart and he'll never want to let it go. And I pray that your desire for him isn't rooted in fear of rejection but in confident assurance. But more than that, I pray that you will come to know the confident assurance that comes from giving your heart to Christ. The blessed assurance of knowing how deeply loved and secure you are in his hands... always and forever!
"Give it time, baby. He'll probably change his mind one day. Boys don't really think about marriage at this age, so it's best to be friends for now," I replied.
"That's right," said your daddy. "He'll wise up. Any boy will be lucky to marry you because you're so beautiful and kind and smart and funny. But when he decides he wants to marry you, you tell him he has to come ask me if he can first."
I get it, Annabeth. Obviously, you're far away from getting married or even having a boyfriend, but rejection is hard at any age. This is a subject in which your momma has had much education. Three, thirteen, twenty three, thirty. It's always hard. But to see your little heart desire marriage is precious to me. Now, I don't know that you always will desire that and I don't know if marriage is in God's plans for you, but it's a good thing to desire. Our culture will tell you differently. They'll try to convince you that you need to be an independent woman and shouldn't tie yourself down to a man. But God made women nurturers who long to be loved and cared for. There's not a thing wrong with that! And it's a lovely thing to be loved and cared for by someone. Right now, your dad and I have the privilege of carrying that responsibility but we'll pass it on one day to the man who will hold your heart and hand, and he will be a very, very lucky man.
I remember the first boy I ever had a crush on. It lasted for years. He didn't feel the same. And then there was another boy who also didn't feel the same. And that was basically the story of my life. A lot of boys I was interested in and none of them interested in me. Really, there weren't any boys interested in me and if they were, they kept it a great secret. No one asked me out on dates, and any time I got remotely interested in someone and thought that maybe I had their attention, it turned into nothing. I wasn't dating material, or so I was told. And so I really began believing that I was absolutely unlikable and maybe even repulsive and that no one would ever desire to be with me. And if I wasn't able to land a boyfriend, I would have no luck securing a proposal because you really can't have one without the other (unless your parents are arranging your marriage). I cried tears and tears for the continual rejection I felt. Big ol' crocodile tears over boys who wouldn't give me the time of day and who, according to my dad, didn't know what they were missing out on. But clearly they did and my dad was just biased. (He is totally biased, by the way.) Why was it this way? What was wrong with me? Nothing. Nothing was wrong with me other than my mindset. I wish I could go back and un-cry all of those tears because truth be told, if I actually had the chance, I would thank each boy who rejected me along the way. They were doing me a mighty big favor and steering me in the right direction, which was, coincidentally, out of a relationship with them. I'm so very grateful, too, because I would of hung in there for as long as I could have and the hurt would have been far greater than it was.
When I met your dad, I was coming out of my lowest of lows. I had never felt more unloved, unliked, and unworthy in my entire life. I expected rejection from him almost to the point that I wasn't even sure I should give it a shot with him. But I did and I was wrong, thank goodness. And even though we've been married for almost 7 years, I still occasionally have dreams in which he tells me we should just be friends. And it devastates me every time. They're just dreams and he's too late for that statement. But I'm not immune to rejection just because I'm married, Annabeth. I still face it, just in different ways.
You will, too.
You will continue to face rejection, sweet girl. It's part of life. A tough part, but we all go through it. Yet I find comfort in knowing that although we may face rejection from others, there's one who will always accept us. God. Once we're secure in his hands, he never lets go. And his arms are open and welcome to anyone who desires to know him and love him. He understands rejection. He has faced it on a regular basis since the beginning of time. And so did his son, Jesus. But we're safe in Christ, sure to never face rejection from him. A constant. A forever friend. An abiding love. He never leaves nor forsakes us. And when we walk through the valley of hurt and disappointment, feeling alone and rejected, he keeps in stride with us. We are never alone once we've united ourselves with Christ.
There will be a boy, one day... many, many, many days away, that will capture your heart and he'll never want to let it go. And I pray that your desire for him isn't rooted in fear of rejection but in confident assurance. But more than that, I pray that you will come to know the confident assurance that comes from giving your heart to Christ. The blessed assurance of knowing how deeply loved and secure you are in his hands... always and forever!
God's love is meteoric,
His loyalty astronomic,
His purpose titanic,
His verdicts oceanic,
Yet in his largeness nothing gets lost...
How exquisite your love, O God!
How eager we are to run under your wings.
- Psalm 36:5-7 (The Message)
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