Lord, sustain me...
A month ago I wrote about your name, Madelyn. Not a moment too soon, either. Today is the day you were supposed to be born. When I found out I was pregnant with you I was so thankful you'd be coming mid-April so that the weather would be nicer, the daylight longer, and the world a little more colorful. I certainly didn't expect you to show up three weeks early, but the truth is, I'm glad we got to meet you soon so we could love you longer.
My pregnancy with you wasn't necessarily easy. I knew you would be delivered via c-section so we picked out April 5 to be your birth date. The longer my pregnancy went, the more problems I began having. I had a weird symptom with your sister called cholestasis that showed up around 32 weeks, so I was thankful when I made it past 32 weeks with you and no symptoms had shown up. I figured we were out of the woods for weird health issues. But I started swelling a lot. It's normal to swell but my swelling was getting out of control. In fact, I couldn't even wear my shoes! My ankles had completely disappeared, my toes looked like sausages, and my back pain was worsening every day. I felt miserable! I started seeing the doctor each week once I reached 35 weeks and my blood pressure was steadily climbing. It went up and up with each visit until I was in stroke range. Thankfully, the doctor decided it was time for you to come. She diagnosed me with gestational hypertension, having many signs of preeclampsia, and on Thursday, March 21, she said, "Let's have this baby tomorrow afternoon!"
To say I was unprepared for you is an understatement. I procrastinated quite bit thinking I still had a couple of weeks left to get everything together for you. I should have done more but being pregnant and chasing around a two year old left me exhausted with no energy. Two days before you came, we had new carpet put in our house. The night before your arrival was spent putting together your crib and rearranging furniture. Nothing like waiting until the last minute! The Bible talks about being ready for Christ's return because we don't know the day or hour. Your arrival helped me understand that point in a whole new way! I had one day's notice, so I suppose that's better than no notice. But one day's notice isn't much when it comes to life changing events.
The last few weeks of my pregnancy were very difficult physically and I wasn't sure how I was going to make it to delivery. I woke up one morning feeling horrible and somewhat dreading the day because I just wanted to stay in bed. I began praying, "Lord, you are my sustainer." I would whisper this prayer over and over and over again trusting God to do just that. Sustain me. And even though I was relieved to deliver you early, I was nervous because my delivery with Annabeth didn't go so well. "Lord, sustain me." I sat in the labor and delivery room waiting for the doctor and prayed a tearful prayer with your father asking the Lord to sustain me. And as I laid on the OR table listening to the sound of machines beeping, doctors talking, and wondering why in the world this surgery felt like I was taking forever, I silently prayed over and over and over again, "Lord, sustain me."
After what seemed like an hour, your loud cry was music to my ears! I watched as they laid you on the scale and cleaned you off. The nurses noticed you weren't breathing smoothly and retracting a bit so they called in NICU who felt it best to take you to the nursery for the night and regulate your breathing. I was able to hold you for about 10 minutes before they took you away and rolled your dad and me up to a quiet room. What a strange feeling to have a baby and show up in recovery without her. I didn't get to spend Annabeth's first night with her, either, due to other complications. I suppose the upside was that we did get a little sleep before they brought you to us in the morning. But as I laid in the room that night, waking up intermittently, my prayer changed to "Lord, sustain her. Sustain us." And He did.
I've heard that there are only two things certain in life: death and taxes. We can't avoid either one. But I'd like to add another certainty to the list. That God hears our prayers. He does! And sometimes we don't know how or when He'll answer them but He does. I know this because I've seen and experienced it first hand. In fact, you and I are proof of that. Proof that God is a sustainer. That is He is a helper. That He is a miracle worker. That He can be trusted, that He is in charge, and that nothing is out of His control. And I don't know about you, but that gives me great peace. To know that the God of the universe is listening, is answering, and is sustaining.
Psalm 54:4 says, "Surely God is my help, the Lord is the one who sustains me." Three weeks in and I can testify to the truth of this verse, Madelyn. Newborns have a surefire way of increasing a mother's prayer life. But with each whispered prayer, God reminds me that He is my helper. He will help me! And although our seasons change quickly, the one thing that won't change is the Lord, our sustainer!
My pregnancy with you wasn't necessarily easy. I knew you would be delivered via c-section so we picked out April 5 to be your birth date. The longer my pregnancy went, the more problems I began having. I had a weird symptom with your sister called cholestasis that showed up around 32 weeks, so I was thankful when I made it past 32 weeks with you and no symptoms had shown up. I figured we were out of the woods for weird health issues. But I started swelling a lot. It's normal to swell but my swelling was getting out of control. In fact, I couldn't even wear my shoes! My ankles had completely disappeared, my toes looked like sausages, and my back pain was worsening every day. I felt miserable! I started seeing the doctor each week once I reached 35 weeks and my blood pressure was steadily climbing. It went up and up with each visit until I was in stroke range. Thankfully, the doctor decided it was time for you to come. She diagnosed me with gestational hypertension, having many signs of preeclampsia, and on Thursday, March 21, she said, "Let's have this baby tomorrow afternoon!"
To say I was unprepared for you is an understatement. I procrastinated quite bit thinking I still had a couple of weeks left to get everything together for you. I should have done more but being pregnant and chasing around a two year old left me exhausted with no energy. Two days before you came, we had new carpet put in our house. The night before your arrival was spent putting together your crib and rearranging furniture. Nothing like waiting until the last minute! The Bible talks about being ready for Christ's return because we don't know the day or hour. Your arrival helped me understand that point in a whole new way! I had one day's notice, so I suppose that's better than no notice. But one day's notice isn't much when it comes to life changing events.
The last few weeks of my pregnancy were very difficult physically and I wasn't sure how I was going to make it to delivery. I woke up one morning feeling horrible and somewhat dreading the day because I just wanted to stay in bed. I began praying, "Lord, you are my sustainer." I would whisper this prayer over and over and over again trusting God to do just that. Sustain me. And even though I was relieved to deliver you early, I was nervous because my delivery with Annabeth didn't go so well. "Lord, sustain me." I sat in the labor and delivery room waiting for the doctor and prayed a tearful prayer with your father asking the Lord to sustain me. And as I laid on the OR table listening to the sound of machines beeping, doctors talking, and wondering why in the world this surgery felt like I was taking forever, I silently prayed over and over and over again, "Lord, sustain me."
After what seemed like an hour, your loud cry was music to my ears! I watched as they laid you on the scale and cleaned you off. The nurses noticed you weren't breathing smoothly and retracting a bit so they called in NICU who felt it best to take you to the nursery for the night and regulate your breathing. I was able to hold you for about 10 minutes before they took you away and rolled your dad and me up to a quiet room. What a strange feeling to have a baby and show up in recovery without her. I didn't get to spend Annabeth's first night with her, either, due to other complications. I suppose the upside was that we did get a little sleep before they brought you to us in the morning. But as I laid in the room that night, waking up intermittently, my prayer changed to "Lord, sustain her. Sustain us." And He did.
I've heard that there are only two things certain in life: death and taxes. We can't avoid either one. But I'd like to add another certainty to the list. That God hears our prayers. He does! And sometimes we don't know how or when He'll answer them but He does. I know this because I've seen and experienced it first hand. In fact, you and I are proof of that. Proof that God is a sustainer. That is He is a helper. That He is a miracle worker. That He can be trusted, that He is in charge, and that nothing is out of His control. And I don't know about you, but that gives me great peace. To know that the God of the universe is listening, is answering, and is sustaining.
Psalm 54:4 says, "Surely God is my help, the Lord is the one who sustains me." Three weeks in and I can testify to the truth of this verse, Madelyn. Newborns have a surefire way of increasing a mother's prayer life. But with each whispered prayer, God reminds me that He is my helper. He will help me! And although our seasons change quickly, the one thing that won't change is the Lord, our sustainer!
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