forgive and forgiven...
He took a breath and paused. Emotion immediately filled the car. We were sitting in a parking lot, just the two of us, and I could tell it was heavy. Whatever he was about to say was weighing on his heart, but I wasn't sure where the conversation was going. This was a surprising turn.
"I'm sorry... I'm sorry for what I said then. The day I made that comment to you.,, I've never forgotten the look on your face when I said it...
And I immediately wanted to kick myself. I couldn't believe those words left my mouth. I wanted to take it back then. I should have apologized right then...
I think about that moment often. A lot. And I've wanted to tell you how sorry I am about that moment, that comment, so many times but I've never been able to. I wasn't sure how to bring it up. It never seemed like a good time. But now is the time, so I just want you to know that I'm sorry."
Tears filled in my eyes, and a few escaped. I was honestly caught so off guard. But I knew what he was talking about. I remembered the comment, the moment, even though it happened eight years ago. And yet I hadn't really thought about it much again after the day it was said. It was really a blip on my radar, and I had no ill feelings towards him. No bitterness or unforgiveness. I knew how much he loved me. I knew, even at the time, that he probably didn't mean it - or at least, it didn't come out the way he meant for it to. Sure, it hurt, but who hasn't said something hurtful they'd like to take back? I wasn't emotional because he was bringing up a painful moment for which I felt owed an apology. No, I was sad that he had been holding on to it for 8 years. That he had been internally beating himself up for so long. That he had been worried about it, held captive by the thought, for almost a decade. And I was so thankful that he finally got it off his chest and freed himself from the weight of regret.
You are eight months old, Madelyn. Well, eight months and a week by this point, and you've had a big month! You are starting to sit on your own well, you said your first word (da-da), you have one tooth in the bottom of your mouth with another one on the way, and you celebrated your first Thanksgiving! You get sweeter and cuter every single day, and you're still so happy and full of smiles. You bring so much joy to my heart, and I probably smother you a bit too much because you're so darn cuddly! I feel like the topic of apologies and forgiveness is so weighty for this post, but we're actually working on that right now anyway. We've all had to apologize to you at this point for something, and you've had to "apologize" to Annabeth for random things that she believes warrant an apology. Rather than accepting an apology with the usual, "it's okay," I'm trying to reinforce forgiveness. Because not all things are okay. But regardless, we can always reply by saying, "Thank you for apologizing. I forgive you." Asking for forgiveness, and granting forgiveness are two of the most significant, and difficult, things we can do as a follower of Christ.
In the gospel of Luke, Jesus says, "Forgive others and you will be forgiven." (Luke 6) And he even goes on to say, later in chapter 17, "Even if that person wrongs you seven times a day and each time turns again and asks forgiveness, you must forgive." Because we have been forgiven, then the same is required of us, Madelyn. And because we've been forgiven, then we can forgive. Whether someone makes a formal apology, asking forgiveness, or not, we have the ability to forgive. Sometimes it is much easier said than done, and you'll learn that as you journey through life. But there's this old saying that choosing not to forgive is like drinking poison and hoping the other person will die. An unforgiving heart will eat you alive. It will manifest itself in so many ugly, ungodly ways and you'll really be the one who suffers. But forgiveness releases you from that. From the burden of hurt, hostility, anger, and bitterness. Forgiveness sets you free, lightens your load, and honors God. And the truth is, you can't be right with God and wrong with people.
"Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go be reconciled to them, then come offer your gift." - Matthew 5:23-24
Sometimes, sweet girl, you may be on the opposite end of the deal. You may find yourself in need of forgiveness and this is where it gets hard. Because pride will do anything it can to form a grudge in your heart. To help you justify your actions and behaviors, to turn the situation around and make you the victim, or to inflate your ego and make you think that you're actually right. I takes a big person to offer forgiveness, and it takes a big person to ask for it. And what I've found in life is that the enemy will do a great job of convincing you that seeking forgiveness is not a good idea. He'll say:
"They probably don't even remember it. It's not necessary to bring it back up again."
"It's been such a long time they're probably over it by now or they've forgotten."
"They know you love them and that you're sorry without you having to specifically tell them."
"You'll probably create an awkward situation by reliving the whole thing."
But notice what Jesus said. "If you remember...". And that's key, because we often remember well our offenses although we may not like to admit it. And if you remember it, they probably do, too. That brother or sister may be a really gracious person who has chosen forgiveness long before you ask for it. That's always ideal! Or, they may be a brother or sister who is dealing with unforgiveness and has yet to come around. But the point here is that it's your job to seek reconciliation when you remember where you've gone wrong. It may be recently, it may be a lifetime ago. It may be a big ordeal, a small comment, or a miscommunication that you need to clear up. Their response to you isn't your responsibility. It's also not a reflection of you. And if God is laying a situation on your heart and keeping it in the forefront of your mind, then it's for a reason. You need to apologize. And it may not be as much for them as it is for you. A release, a freedom, a burden that will be lifted. Regardless, I am 99% sure that an apology is never going to make a situation worse, and I am 100% sure that God will be pleased with your doing so.
"I'm sorry." "I forgive you." Powerful comments, Madelyn. Difficult to say and do. But when we offer forgiveness and ask for it, we realize that we are the ones who benefit. We are the ones who profit. Because "if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly father will forgive you." (Matthew 6) And although I speak for myself here, if there's one thing we all desperately need from God on a daily basis, it's forgiveness. If we're grateful to receive that, then who are we to refuse to ask for it or give it?
"I'm sorry... I'm sorry for what I said then. The day I made that comment to you.,, I've never forgotten the look on your face when I said it...
And I immediately wanted to kick myself. I couldn't believe those words left my mouth. I wanted to take it back then. I should have apologized right then...
I think about that moment often. A lot. And I've wanted to tell you how sorry I am about that moment, that comment, so many times but I've never been able to. I wasn't sure how to bring it up. It never seemed like a good time. But now is the time, so I just want you to know that I'm sorry."
Tears filled in my eyes, and a few escaped. I was honestly caught so off guard. But I knew what he was talking about. I remembered the comment, the moment, even though it happened eight years ago. And yet I hadn't really thought about it much again after the day it was said. It was really a blip on my radar, and I had no ill feelings towards him. No bitterness or unforgiveness. I knew how much he loved me. I knew, even at the time, that he probably didn't mean it - or at least, it didn't come out the way he meant for it to. Sure, it hurt, but who hasn't said something hurtful they'd like to take back? I wasn't emotional because he was bringing up a painful moment for which I felt owed an apology. No, I was sad that he had been holding on to it for 8 years. That he had been internally beating himself up for so long. That he had been worried about it, held captive by the thought, for almost a decade. And I was so thankful that he finally got it off his chest and freed himself from the weight of regret.
You are eight months old, Madelyn. Well, eight months and a week by this point, and you've had a big month! You are starting to sit on your own well, you said your first word (da-da), you have one tooth in the bottom of your mouth with another one on the way, and you celebrated your first Thanksgiving! You get sweeter and cuter every single day, and you're still so happy and full of smiles. You bring so much joy to my heart, and I probably smother you a bit too much because you're so darn cuddly! I feel like the topic of apologies and forgiveness is so weighty for this post, but we're actually working on that right now anyway. We've all had to apologize to you at this point for something, and you've had to "apologize" to Annabeth for random things that she believes warrant an apology. Rather than accepting an apology with the usual, "it's okay," I'm trying to reinforce forgiveness. Because not all things are okay. But regardless, we can always reply by saying, "Thank you for apologizing. I forgive you." Asking for forgiveness, and granting forgiveness are two of the most significant, and difficult, things we can do as a follower of Christ.
In the gospel of Luke, Jesus says, "Forgive others and you will be forgiven." (Luke 6) And he even goes on to say, later in chapter 17, "Even if that person wrongs you seven times a day and each time turns again and asks forgiveness, you must forgive." Because we have been forgiven, then the same is required of us, Madelyn. And because we've been forgiven, then we can forgive. Whether someone makes a formal apology, asking forgiveness, or not, we have the ability to forgive. Sometimes it is much easier said than done, and you'll learn that as you journey through life. But there's this old saying that choosing not to forgive is like drinking poison and hoping the other person will die. An unforgiving heart will eat you alive. It will manifest itself in so many ugly, ungodly ways and you'll really be the one who suffers. But forgiveness releases you from that. From the burden of hurt, hostility, anger, and bitterness. Forgiveness sets you free, lightens your load, and honors God. And the truth is, you can't be right with God and wrong with people.
"Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go be reconciled to them, then come offer your gift." - Matthew 5:23-24
Sometimes, sweet girl, you may be on the opposite end of the deal. You may find yourself in need of forgiveness and this is where it gets hard. Because pride will do anything it can to form a grudge in your heart. To help you justify your actions and behaviors, to turn the situation around and make you the victim, or to inflate your ego and make you think that you're actually right. I takes a big person to offer forgiveness, and it takes a big person to ask for it. And what I've found in life is that the enemy will do a great job of convincing you that seeking forgiveness is not a good idea. He'll say:
"They probably don't even remember it. It's not necessary to bring it back up again."
"It's been such a long time they're probably over it by now or they've forgotten."
"They know you love them and that you're sorry without you having to specifically tell them."
"You'll probably create an awkward situation by reliving the whole thing."
But notice what Jesus said. "If you remember...". And that's key, because we often remember well our offenses although we may not like to admit it. And if you remember it, they probably do, too. That brother or sister may be a really gracious person who has chosen forgiveness long before you ask for it. That's always ideal! Or, they may be a brother or sister who is dealing with unforgiveness and has yet to come around. But the point here is that it's your job to seek reconciliation when you remember where you've gone wrong. It may be recently, it may be a lifetime ago. It may be a big ordeal, a small comment, or a miscommunication that you need to clear up. Their response to you isn't your responsibility. It's also not a reflection of you. And if God is laying a situation on your heart and keeping it in the forefront of your mind, then it's for a reason. You need to apologize. And it may not be as much for them as it is for you. A release, a freedom, a burden that will be lifted. Regardless, I am 99% sure that an apology is never going to make a situation worse, and I am 100% sure that God will be pleased with your doing so.
"I'm sorry." "I forgive you." Powerful comments, Madelyn. Difficult to say and do. But when we offer forgiveness and ask for it, we realize that we are the ones who benefit. We are the ones who profit. Because "if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly father will forgive you." (Matthew 6) And although I speak for myself here, if there's one thing we all desperately need from God on a daily basis, it's forgiveness. If we're grateful to receive that, then who are we to refuse to ask for it or give it?
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