wonderful counselor...
"You were right. You were right about everything." I sat across from him on a leather couch. His dim office was cozy and warm. He nodded his head ever so slightly and a compassionate, sympathetic smile worked its way onto his lips. We had spent many weeks together during the final quarter of the year. The months that are full of memories and celebration, and the last place I had ever planned on spending them was in a counselor's office. But there I sat, at my lowest point, after months of great anxiety and expectation had finally been put to rest.
I made a Monday visit to my church on Columbus Day with the hopes that I could talk with someone. Anyone. At this point, I didn't care. The office was open, but no ministers were there. The kind secretary said, "We don't have counselors on staff, but we do recommend New Hope Christian Counseling." What I really wanted to say was, "Well thanks for nothing." But she had done all she could to help me, so I politely thanked her, defeat pressing heavy on my shoulders as I walked to the car. I called New Hope Christian Counseling and the woman who answered the phone informed me that their schedule was completely full. "I'll put you on a cancellation list and call you back if something comes open soon... wait...we actually had a cancellation for 8:00PM tonight. Could you come then?"
"Yes ma'am, I will be there. Thank you so much!"
Eight o'clock could not come fast enough. I just knew amazing things were going to take place at this first counseling session.
It was a disaster. An absolute disaster. And I was humiliated. I just thought I had reached the bottom on the barrel. Turns out, I was far from it. But despite the sadness and defeat that filled my heart, a flicker of hope and peace did, too. And so for weeks and weeks, I found myself anticipating each session I would spend in the middle of Dr. Mark's couch.
Counseling isn't cheap. It's worth it. But it's not cheap. I didn't care. I kept going. I left each meeting with my spirit uplifted. Because I had no one in my circle of friends, family, or church home who could really understand what I was going through and who actually wanted to talk about it in depth. I knew people who were divorced but it seemed they didn't want to reopen that chapter of their lives. Many people were willing to talk about it but didn't know how to help. My close friends were all newlyweds, and they had no idea what to say. Plus, it made many of them really uncomfortable. They couldn't handle the raw emotions easily. I get it. It's hard to sit with someone while they cry their eyes out and not know how to help them. That's what we want to do. Help. But there was really no way anyone could help. And although Dr. Mark wasn't divorced, he had worked through it with countless people. This wasn't new to him. He didn't act awkward or uncomfortable. He'd let me cry as much as I wanted to. He'd hand me a tissue and sit ever so compassionately in the silence waiting for me to regain composure, and I really appreciated that. He didn't tell me what I wanted to hear or what I needed to do or what I should have done differently. He just reminded me of God's truths over and over and over again, and that's exactly what I needed most.
We got to the end of the year, and we finally knew how things were going to turn out. I had an answer to share with him. He wasn't surprised. Of course, with decades of experience under his belt, I'm sure there wasn't much that surprised him. And so we ended our last counseling session together and he said, "Brittnye, I'm going to be honest with you. I don't think you need to come see me anymore. You're doing remarkably well. I don't think I can help you or that you even need my help any longer." I wanted to stand up and hug him and then write him a thank you novel for all of his time, but I opted for a handshake and a thank you. Dr. Mark could see what I would come to understand at a later time.
"For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders and he will be called Wonderful Counselor...". (Isaiah 9:6)
Dr. Mark wasn't the only counselor I was seeing. There was another. One I spent a lot of time with. And he was always with me. He kept me company at night when I was alone. He was there each morning when my eyes opened. He went with me to work and followed me into the bathroom stalls that I frequented when I felt completely overwhelmed. He drove with me in the car and we talked the entire time. He listened to me process out loud while I showered. He sat with me in the silence. He stayed by side at all times. He caught my tears and kept record of each one. He never made me feel ashamed or uncomfortable or humiliated. It was quite the opposite. He covered me with compassion and mercy and grace and love. He tended to me in ways I didn't even know I needed and shepherded me through the darkest valley so that I wouldn't get lost. He could relate because He's been through it all and seen it all. And as he counseled me, he healed me.
But this was what He came to do. To bind up the brokenhearted. To save those crushed in spirit. To bestow on us joy instead of mourning, a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. To be our good shepherd. Our wonderful counselor.
"Oh my people, trust in him at all times. Pour out your heart to him, for God is our refuge." - Psalm 62:8
I made a Monday visit to my church on Columbus Day with the hopes that I could talk with someone. Anyone. At this point, I didn't care. The office was open, but no ministers were there. The kind secretary said, "We don't have counselors on staff, but we do recommend New Hope Christian Counseling." What I really wanted to say was, "Well thanks for nothing." But she had done all she could to help me, so I politely thanked her, defeat pressing heavy on my shoulders as I walked to the car. I called New Hope Christian Counseling and the woman who answered the phone informed me that their schedule was completely full. "I'll put you on a cancellation list and call you back if something comes open soon... wait...we actually had a cancellation for 8:00PM tonight. Could you come then?"
"Yes ma'am, I will be there. Thank you so much!"
Eight o'clock could not come fast enough. I just knew amazing things were going to take place at this first counseling session.
It was a disaster. An absolute disaster. And I was humiliated. I just thought I had reached the bottom on the barrel. Turns out, I was far from it. But despite the sadness and defeat that filled my heart, a flicker of hope and peace did, too. And so for weeks and weeks, I found myself anticipating each session I would spend in the middle of Dr. Mark's couch.
Counseling isn't cheap. It's worth it. But it's not cheap. I didn't care. I kept going. I left each meeting with my spirit uplifted. Because I had no one in my circle of friends, family, or church home who could really understand what I was going through and who actually wanted to talk about it in depth. I knew people who were divorced but it seemed they didn't want to reopen that chapter of their lives. Many people were willing to talk about it but didn't know how to help. My close friends were all newlyweds, and they had no idea what to say. Plus, it made many of them really uncomfortable. They couldn't handle the raw emotions easily. I get it. It's hard to sit with someone while they cry their eyes out and not know how to help them. That's what we want to do. Help. But there was really no way anyone could help. And although Dr. Mark wasn't divorced, he had worked through it with countless people. This wasn't new to him. He didn't act awkward or uncomfortable. He'd let me cry as much as I wanted to. He'd hand me a tissue and sit ever so compassionately in the silence waiting for me to regain composure, and I really appreciated that. He didn't tell me what I wanted to hear or what I needed to do or what I should have done differently. He just reminded me of God's truths over and over and over again, and that's exactly what I needed most.
We got to the end of the year, and we finally knew how things were going to turn out. I had an answer to share with him. He wasn't surprised. Of course, with decades of experience under his belt, I'm sure there wasn't much that surprised him. And so we ended our last counseling session together and he said, "Brittnye, I'm going to be honest with you. I don't think you need to come see me anymore. You're doing remarkably well. I don't think I can help you or that you even need my help any longer." I wanted to stand up and hug him and then write him a thank you novel for all of his time, but I opted for a handshake and a thank you. Dr. Mark could see what I would come to understand at a later time.
"For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders and he will be called Wonderful Counselor...". (Isaiah 9:6)
Dr. Mark wasn't the only counselor I was seeing. There was another. One I spent a lot of time with. And he was always with me. He kept me company at night when I was alone. He was there each morning when my eyes opened. He went with me to work and followed me into the bathroom stalls that I frequented when I felt completely overwhelmed. He drove with me in the car and we talked the entire time. He listened to me process out loud while I showered. He sat with me in the silence. He stayed by side at all times. He caught my tears and kept record of each one. He never made me feel ashamed or uncomfortable or humiliated. It was quite the opposite. He covered me with compassion and mercy and grace and love. He tended to me in ways I didn't even know I needed and shepherded me through the darkest valley so that I wouldn't get lost. He could relate because He's been through it all and seen it all. And as he counseled me, he healed me.
But this was what He came to do. To bind up the brokenhearted. To save those crushed in spirit. To bestow on us joy instead of mourning, a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. To be our good shepherd. Our wonderful counselor.
"Oh my people, trust in him at all times. Pour out your heart to him, for God is our refuge." - Psalm 62:8
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