fasting...
You're one month away from your first birthday, Madelyn. Honestly, I feel like 2019 passed without me noticing. Really, it was a blur and I think that's because I've spent most of the year exhausted, but that's the territory mothers of little people dwell in for a few years. Honestly, I've adjusted to it, for the most part, but I do hope that the bags under my eyes will eventually shrink up.
You've had a big month. In fact, today was a big day. You fed yourself with a fork for the first time and you began crawling. You're such an observant girl, and you watch Annabeth like a hawk, so I have a feeling you'll be picking up on a lot of things quickly. You babble quite a bit and can say "mama" and "dada." You make the cutest little scrunchy face along with an adorable little "O" with your mouth that cracks me up. You love to be outside. Absolutely love it! In fact, if we get near a door without going outside, you throw a fit. You're still a jolly and agreeable gal, but you've learned how to voice your opinion and have no problem letting us know when you don't want or like something. You love all foods and shovel it in your mouth about as quickly as I can get it on your highchair tray. And you are Annabeth's number one fan. You light up like a june bug anytime she's near and are especially elated to receive kisses from her. I think you're starting to win her over. She's begun sharing some of her toys with you and says she dreams about you, so I know you're really growing on her. I have loved watching your sisterly bond unfold. You two are very fortunate to have one another!
The season of Lent begins this month, starting tomorrow and ending on Easter, which falls on April 12 this year (your original due date). I don't typically fast during Lent, but I began feeling convicted to put fasting into practice this year, along with a few other things, and this seemed like a great time to start it. I've only fasted for Lent one other time in my life as a teenager. And as I have been reflecting on that experience and preparing for this one, I had a few things I wanted to share with you.
I was a freshman, maybe a sophomore, in high school the year I decided to fast for Lent. After spending the weekend at youth retreat, the girls in my group decided we would participate in Lent. I chose to give up soft drinks for 40 days. I know that doesn't sound very spiritual but the goal was to give up something we enjoyed on a regular basis. A denial of the flesh. This practice comes from the New Testament when Jesus was led into the desert and fasted for 40 days. And so the purpose of fasting is to deny your flesh of its desires and grow in your faith and walk with God. So I gave up soft drinks for 40 days and at the end of 40 days, I wasn't craving them any longer. I thought to myself, "Well, I've made it this far so let's see how long I can go from here." That 40 days turned into a few years and then it became a source of pride. Look at my self control. Look at how disciplined I am. But a day came when I gave in and drank my first Diet Coke in years and I felt guilty. Weird, I know, because we're just talking about cokes here, but I felt like I had this perfect record that I had somehow blemished and now that it wasn't spotless, it didn't matter anymore. I had missed the whole purpose of fasting. It had nothing to do with my own abilities or even if I made it through. The goal was to grow closer to God, not to grow in pride that would eventually result in guilt.
This carried over into all areas of my life. The quest for perfection and somehow trying to maintain a perfect record. It took me many years and a lot of humbling to learn that God wasn't concerned with perfection, because no matter how hard I was trying to achieve it, I was still falling short. But I tried anyway, and each time a "blemish" occurred, I just knew God was disappointed. I knew that I had let Him down. And I would feel so guilty. But God wasn't after my perfect record nor was he counting on me to maintain it. God holds his own. And the truth was, no matter how neat and tidy, or how blemished, my record was, God's love for me remained unchanged because God's love for me was never dependent on what I was or wasn't doing from the start.
And so this year, many years later, I have decided to fast during Lent. Not because I want God to love me more or be more pleased with me. But because I want to love God more and be pleasing to Him. And honestly, this is one area where I have failed miserably. The Bible instructs God's people to fast, but that's one thing I've glazed over because, well, it's hard. Self denial and discipline don't come naturally, and that's why we have to practice it. But there is reward. Hidden reward that we'll never receive if we don't even bother to try. And the goal is not to give something up just for denial's sake, or out of obligation, or just to say we did it, but to be changed. After all, that's the purpose of fasting. That we'd look a whole lot less like ourselves and more like Christ.
God brought Isaiah 58 to my attention this week. The title of the chapter is True Fasting. God, speaking through the prophet Isaiah, doesn't necessarily ask the people to give up the things in which they indulge. In fact, he doesn't quite the opposite. He asks them to change. To start doing the things they've been avoiding. To let go of the rituals and to embrace His commands. To quit living for themselves and returning to their old ways and to start looking through the eyes of God and seeing how they can minister to those around them. After all, that's really what fasting does. It takes our eyes off of ourselves and puts them on God so we can see things from His perspective.
Madelyn, God loves you. He will always love you. No matter what. Whether you love him or not, he will still love you. That's who God is. He is love. If you fast, He will love you. If you don't fast, He will love you. Nothing you can do will increase or decrease His love for you. But your obedience to God will change your life. It will change the way you view him, see him, love him, and delight in him. It will enrich your life, giving you hope and purpose and joy and meaning. And if you choose to commit your life to God, "The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail." (Isaiah 58:11)
You've had a big month. In fact, today was a big day. You fed yourself with a fork for the first time and you began crawling. You're such an observant girl, and you watch Annabeth like a hawk, so I have a feeling you'll be picking up on a lot of things quickly. You babble quite a bit and can say "mama" and "dada." You make the cutest little scrunchy face along with an adorable little "O" with your mouth that cracks me up. You love to be outside. Absolutely love it! In fact, if we get near a door without going outside, you throw a fit. You're still a jolly and agreeable gal, but you've learned how to voice your opinion and have no problem letting us know when you don't want or like something. You love all foods and shovel it in your mouth about as quickly as I can get it on your highchair tray. And you are Annabeth's number one fan. You light up like a june bug anytime she's near and are especially elated to receive kisses from her. I think you're starting to win her over. She's begun sharing some of her toys with you and says she dreams about you, so I know you're really growing on her. I have loved watching your sisterly bond unfold. You two are very fortunate to have one another!
The season of Lent begins this month, starting tomorrow and ending on Easter, which falls on April 12 this year (your original due date). I don't typically fast during Lent, but I began feeling convicted to put fasting into practice this year, along with a few other things, and this seemed like a great time to start it. I've only fasted for Lent one other time in my life as a teenager. And as I have been reflecting on that experience and preparing for this one, I had a few things I wanted to share with you.
I was a freshman, maybe a sophomore, in high school the year I decided to fast for Lent. After spending the weekend at youth retreat, the girls in my group decided we would participate in Lent. I chose to give up soft drinks for 40 days. I know that doesn't sound very spiritual but the goal was to give up something we enjoyed on a regular basis. A denial of the flesh. This practice comes from the New Testament when Jesus was led into the desert and fasted for 40 days. And so the purpose of fasting is to deny your flesh of its desires and grow in your faith and walk with God. So I gave up soft drinks for 40 days and at the end of 40 days, I wasn't craving them any longer. I thought to myself, "Well, I've made it this far so let's see how long I can go from here." That 40 days turned into a few years and then it became a source of pride. Look at my self control. Look at how disciplined I am. But a day came when I gave in and drank my first Diet Coke in years and I felt guilty. Weird, I know, because we're just talking about cokes here, but I felt like I had this perfect record that I had somehow blemished and now that it wasn't spotless, it didn't matter anymore. I had missed the whole purpose of fasting. It had nothing to do with my own abilities or even if I made it through. The goal was to grow closer to God, not to grow in pride that would eventually result in guilt.
This carried over into all areas of my life. The quest for perfection and somehow trying to maintain a perfect record. It took me many years and a lot of humbling to learn that God wasn't concerned with perfection, because no matter how hard I was trying to achieve it, I was still falling short. But I tried anyway, and each time a "blemish" occurred, I just knew God was disappointed. I knew that I had let Him down. And I would feel so guilty. But God wasn't after my perfect record nor was he counting on me to maintain it. God holds his own. And the truth was, no matter how neat and tidy, or how blemished, my record was, God's love for me remained unchanged because God's love for me was never dependent on what I was or wasn't doing from the start.
And so this year, many years later, I have decided to fast during Lent. Not because I want God to love me more or be more pleased with me. But because I want to love God more and be pleasing to Him. And honestly, this is one area where I have failed miserably. The Bible instructs God's people to fast, but that's one thing I've glazed over because, well, it's hard. Self denial and discipline don't come naturally, and that's why we have to practice it. But there is reward. Hidden reward that we'll never receive if we don't even bother to try. And the goal is not to give something up just for denial's sake, or out of obligation, or just to say we did it, but to be changed. After all, that's the purpose of fasting. That we'd look a whole lot less like ourselves and more like Christ.
God brought Isaiah 58 to my attention this week. The title of the chapter is True Fasting. God, speaking through the prophet Isaiah, doesn't necessarily ask the people to give up the things in which they indulge. In fact, he doesn't quite the opposite. He asks them to change. To start doing the things they've been avoiding. To let go of the rituals and to embrace His commands. To quit living for themselves and returning to their old ways and to start looking through the eyes of God and seeing how they can minister to those around them. After all, that's really what fasting does. It takes our eyes off of ourselves and puts them on God so we can see things from His perspective.
Madelyn, God loves you. He will always love you. No matter what. Whether you love him or not, he will still love you. That's who God is. He is love. If you fast, He will love you. If you don't fast, He will love you. Nothing you can do will increase or decrease His love for you. But your obedience to God will change your life. It will change the way you view him, see him, love him, and delight in him. It will enrich your life, giving you hope and purpose and joy and meaning. And if you choose to commit your life to God, "The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail." (Isaiah 58:11)
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