the two way street...
This has been the longest blogging break I've taken in 8 years. It has been two months since I last had the energy and mental fortitude to write anything worth reading, at least in my opinion. The quarantine, which I think we're still kind of in but maybe not really, was hardly relaxing in our home. It was more exhausting than the pace of our "normal" life, and my night owl babies have stretched me thin. By the time the children are in bed and nightly showers are complete, the hands of the clock have scooted past 10:00PM and my brain is done. My motivation washed down the drain with soap, and every few days, shampoo. Words are failing me, energy is fading quickly, and the only desire I have is to fall into bed and not think. Because not only am I physically tired, I'm mentally and emotionally tired. The constant crisis headlines. The discord, the hatred, the division, and the disasters add to the exhaustion. There have been countless times I've wanted to write, to say something, to share my thoughts, but then I think that in the midst of all of the yelling and screaming, adding to the noise isn't really going to help a whole lot. After all, Proverbs 10:19 says, "When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but the prudent are restrained in speech." And sometimes, maybe the best thing for us is to do is to keep our mouths from speaking, or at least from speaking too much, and spend more time thinking and praying.
And so our nights usually look like this. We both fall into bed tired from the day. We talk about whatever topics we may or may not have already exhausted and then we decide if we should indulge in a survival show episode, because those are not controversial or are a bit educational, or if we should call it night. But before we know it, usually one of us (I won't name names) is sound asleep while the other one debates on how she should spend her last few moments of free time and if those moments are more valuable than sleep. And so a few nights ago, I snapped a picture of what captured this season in mine and Aaron's relationship perfectly. Both in bed, both tired, and holding hands, Aaron had fallen sound asleep and I couldn't help but laugh at how real life and real love looks so different than what we ever imagined before we said "I do."
We are living in a time of brokenness. The truth is, we've always lived in brokenness, it just finds new ways to manifest itself in every generation. I bathed my sweet baby the other night and as I watched her innocently chase rubber ducks around the bathtub, my heart ached for the world that she's going to grow up knowing. I brushed the hair of my spunky toddler while getting her ready for the day, and I thought about the circle of life and that one day, I'll need her to brush my hair and take care of me. And if you ask me, the downfall of what we're seeing today is a loss of relationships. And the truth is, next to the loss of our relationship with God, the biggest loss of relationships that are affecting our society are the losses that are happening in our own families and in our homes.
It takes two to tango. It takes two to keep a relationship floating. I well learned this truth in a hard and personal way many years ago, as for the majority of my life I had always assumed otherwise. I believed that a broken relationship was accomplished by two people, but it can be easily done by one. By one person who gives up. By one person who walks away. By one person who quits trying. By one person who points the finger in blame and takes no personal responsibility to change. It can be done by one person who becomes too prideful, unforgiving, bitter, angry, self-centered, or entitled. It can be quickly accomplished when one person quits calling, showing up, pursuing, serving, communicating, and putting forth effort. No relationship can truly succeed when only 50% of the equation is actually trying.
So how do we try? In a world that is so quick to cut people off and push them away, how do we foster successful relationships?
1. Gratitude.
When my girls squabble with each other, which is often, and when they scream and scratch and make one another mad, I try to remind them how fortunate they are to have one another. What a blessing to have a sister! A sibling. Someone to walk through life with. A built in friend. They are so different in many ways, but that's okay. In fact, that's good! I'm glad they're unique! And when Aaron and I are feeling as if we've turned into sandpaper people. rubbing one another the wrong way, I remind myself how thankful I am to have found him in this big, wide world. I am grateful for the way he supports our family, loves us dearly, and is a man of faithfulness and integrity. Because if we chose to focus on the things that bother us about one another (which I am sure are plenty), our home would probably fall apart quickly. We would fall apart quickly. But what we must realize is that not only do we need one another, we need to love one another not for who we wish we were, but for who we actually are. For our quirks and our oddities and our unique personalities. We don't think the same, see things from the same perspectives, or even understand one another all the time, but our family would be a pretty sad place were one of us missing...and that will always be true.
2. Following God's Way
And that's the case in our world, too. God didn't make us all the same. In His creativity, He decided we should be different colors and sizes and have our own brains and thoughts and languages. He felt it best that we all look unique and that no two of us are identical in every way. God was pleased with that, too, you know. With diversity. It was his idea, not ours. And God put us here not to hate one another or tear one another apart. In fact, he called us not only to love one another (John 13:34) but to serve one another (1 Peter 4:10). Not just if we like each other or if it's convenient or fun. He asked for bear with and forgive one another (Colossians 3:13). He asked us to put other's needs before our own (Philippians 2:3). He asked us to strive for peace with one another (Romans 12:18). And He asked us to treat others in the very way we would wish to be treated - not in the way they are actually treating us (Matthew 7:12). God called us to go above and beyond because God, himself, went above and beyond. After all, He'd never ask us to do anything He hasn't already done... and will always do.
And so our nights usually look like this. We both fall into bed tired from the day. We talk about whatever topics we may or may not have already exhausted and then we decide if we should indulge in a survival show episode, because those are not controversial or are a bit educational, or if we should call it night. But before we know it, usually one of us (I won't name names) is sound asleep while the other one debates on how she should spend her last few moments of free time and if those moments are more valuable than sleep. And so a few nights ago, I snapped a picture of what captured this season in mine and Aaron's relationship perfectly. Both in bed, both tired, and holding hands, Aaron had fallen sound asleep and I couldn't help but laugh at how real life and real love looks so different than what we ever imagined before we said "I do."
We are living in a time of brokenness. The truth is, we've always lived in brokenness, it just finds new ways to manifest itself in every generation. I bathed my sweet baby the other night and as I watched her innocently chase rubber ducks around the bathtub, my heart ached for the world that she's going to grow up knowing. I brushed the hair of my spunky toddler while getting her ready for the day, and I thought about the circle of life and that one day, I'll need her to brush my hair and take care of me. And if you ask me, the downfall of what we're seeing today is a loss of relationships. And the truth is, next to the loss of our relationship with God, the biggest loss of relationships that are affecting our society are the losses that are happening in our own families and in our homes.
It takes two to tango. It takes two to keep a relationship floating. I well learned this truth in a hard and personal way many years ago, as for the majority of my life I had always assumed otherwise. I believed that a broken relationship was accomplished by two people, but it can be easily done by one. By one person who gives up. By one person who walks away. By one person who quits trying. By one person who points the finger in blame and takes no personal responsibility to change. It can be done by one person who becomes too prideful, unforgiving, bitter, angry, self-centered, or entitled. It can be quickly accomplished when one person quits calling, showing up, pursuing, serving, communicating, and putting forth effort. No relationship can truly succeed when only 50% of the equation is actually trying.
So how do we try? In a world that is so quick to cut people off and push them away, how do we foster successful relationships?
1. Gratitude.
When my girls squabble with each other, which is often, and when they scream and scratch and make one another mad, I try to remind them how fortunate they are to have one another. What a blessing to have a sister! A sibling. Someone to walk through life with. A built in friend. They are so different in many ways, but that's okay. In fact, that's good! I'm glad they're unique! And when Aaron and I are feeling as if we've turned into sandpaper people. rubbing one another the wrong way, I remind myself how thankful I am to have found him in this big, wide world. I am grateful for the way he supports our family, loves us dearly, and is a man of faithfulness and integrity. Because if we chose to focus on the things that bother us about one another (which I am sure are plenty), our home would probably fall apart quickly. We would fall apart quickly. But what we must realize is that not only do we need one another, we need to love one another not for who we wish we were, but for who we actually are. For our quirks and our oddities and our unique personalities. We don't think the same, see things from the same perspectives, or even understand one another all the time, but our family would be a pretty sad place were one of us missing...and that will always be true.
2. Following God's Way
And that's the case in our world, too. God didn't make us all the same. In His creativity, He decided we should be different colors and sizes and have our own brains and thoughts and languages. He felt it best that we all look unique and that no two of us are identical in every way. God was pleased with that, too, you know. With diversity. It was his idea, not ours. And God put us here not to hate one another or tear one another apart. In fact, he called us not only to love one another (John 13:34) but to serve one another (1 Peter 4:10). Not just if we like each other or if it's convenient or fun. He asked for bear with and forgive one another (Colossians 3:13). He asked us to put other's needs before our own (Philippians 2:3). He asked us to strive for peace with one another (Romans 12:18). And He asked us to treat others in the very way we would wish to be treated - not in the way they are actually treating us (Matthew 7:12). God called us to go above and beyond because God, himself, went above and beyond. After all, He'd never ask us to do anything He hasn't already done... and will always do.
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