if you want a man to respect you, then you need to let him...
I know I write about relationships a lot. It's like I'm an expert, except I'm not. The truth is, I've messed up and have been given a lot of learning opportunities. I'm fully aware of my short-comings. What to do and what not to. And the Lord has been so full of grace towards me as I've been refined through the fire. Of course, blessing me with a husband, a man after God's own heart with a pocket full of patience, has taught me more than I could have ever learned on my own.
I come from a line of hard working, very capable women. I understand the mind of an independent woman. I've got one. I have to fight hard against it sometimes because there are definitely moments when I just want to do it myself. Take care of myself. Direct the ship. Wear the pants. You know what I'm saying here. There has never been a moment in my life where I have compared myself to a man and thought, "You know, I really am lesser of a species." In fact, I've been raised with the mentality of, "Anything you can do, I can do it, too." No one ever told me that because I was a woman I would suffer a great inequality in life. But the world has done a really great job of selling mixed messages to women that sometimes it seems we don't know whether we really are less, equal, or somewhere in between.
I was flipping through the radio station on my way back from lunch and the deejay took a call from an 18 year old girl. She stated that women were marginalized because men opened doors for them. The deejay repeated her comment and said, "So you think men are trying to marginalize women by showing them respect and opening their doors?" I was on the same wave length as him, and having walked through many doors opened by men in my lifetime, I have not once felt marginalized. I never believed that a man opened the door for me because he thought himself superior to me. Truthfully, I saw it as a sign of respect and kindness. I have a set of capable arms, and I can open my own door just as easily. But I've always appreciated when any man, stranger or not, took the opportunity to reach for the door handle and allow me through. I may be in the minority on this one, but I will never rob a man of the opportunity to offer a gesture of respect.
Ladies, if you want a man to respect you, you need to let him. I know we hear the whole, "If you want him to respect you, you need to make him." But let me just tell you something right now, sister, "making" a man behave in a particular manner that suits your desires is rarely a successful endeavor. And, if you're going to try that path, well, best of luck to you. Don't be surprised when it backfires and you're stuck opening doors for the rest of you life while you watch your friends receive chivalrous acts from their husbands. Maybe you can open your own door. Maybe you even want to sometimes. Maybe you're fine with powering ahead and leading the way. Maybe, like me, you have to really remind yourself to be patient and wait because your brain is too busy thinking about tomorrow. But if you want a man to respect you in every way, then give him the opportunity to begin respecting you in the little ways.
Respect is built over time. I know we shake our head in agreement with Aretha and belt out "R-E-S-P-E-C-T, find out what it means to me..." and that's exactly what they're trying to do. Figure you out. Yet when we constantly turn them down, when we belittle their efforts as if they're small and insignificant, what motivation does that leave? What opportunity does that allow? What message does that portray? My dear husband has taught me that when I take the small things for granted, when I expect them, when I overlook them or even ignore them, I'm subtly saying, "I don't need you. I can get along just fine without you. What you're doing makes no difference to me." And if you feel that way about men, if you truly believe we can get along just fine without them, that we are as capable of existing regardless of whether or not they're around, then we had better take a good look at our prideful hearts and ask Jesus to show us the real truth.
Ladies, you can't have it all (because I've already married him...kidding...but I'm really not...), but you can have man who respects you. Sure, maybe you've been disrespected in the past, and so you're not so sure that I'm right about this one. Maybe you're thinking I have no idea what I'm even talking about. But I do. From a girl who has been disrespected and one who has been disrespectful, I know. I know that sometimes it seems really far fetched to ask for that in this day and age. But I don't believe that you deserve anything less. You shouldn't either. Yet you'll never know if you don't give him the chance to respect you. Simply present the opportunity and you'll see where his heart is. He doesn't think less of you. He knows you're a smart, strong, capable woman. But he wants to show you that he, too, is a strong, smart, capable man. That he can care for you. That he desires to provide for you and protect you. That he has your interest and reputation at heart. That he is willing to put your needs above his own. And if he shows you these things, and if you'll let him, you'll see that a little door opening is just the start.
"Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers." - 1 Peter 3:7
I come from a line of hard working, very capable women. I understand the mind of an independent woman. I've got one. I have to fight hard against it sometimes because there are definitely moments when I just want to do it myself. Take care of myself. Direct the ship. Wear the pants. You know what I'm saying here. There has never been a moment in my life where I have compared myself to a man and thought, "You know, I really am lesser of a species." In fact, I've been raised with the mentality of, "Anything you can do, I can do it, too." No one ever told me that because I was a woman I would suffer a great inequality in life. But the world has done a really great job of selling mixed messages to women that sometimes it seems we don't know whether we really are less, equal, or somewhere in between.
I was flipping through the radio station on my way back from lunch and the deejay took a call from an 18 year old girl. She stated that women were marginalized because men opened doors for them. The deejay repeated her comment and said, "So you think men are trying to marginalize women by showing them respect and opening their doors?" I was on the same wave length as him, and having walked through many doors opened by men in my lifetime, I have not once felt marginalized. I never believed that a man opened the door for me because he thought himself superior to me. Truthfully, I saw it as a sign of respect and kindness. I have a set of capable arms, and I can open my own door just as easily. But I've always appreciated when any man, stranger or not, took the opportunity to reach for the door handle and allow me through. I may be in the minority on this one, but I will never rob a man of the opportunity to offer a gesture of respect.
Ladies, if you want a man to respect you, you need to let him. I know we hear the whole, "If you want him to respect you, you need to make him." But let me just tell you something right now, sister, "making" a man behave in a particular manner that suits your desires is rarely a successful endeavor. And, if you're going to try that path, well, best of luck to you. Don't be surprised when it backfires and you're stuck opening doors for the rest of you life while you watch your friends receive chivalrous acts from their husbands. Maybe you can open your own door. Maybe you even want to sometimes. Maybe you're fine with powering ahead and leading the way. Maybe, like me, you have to really remind yourself to be patient and wait because your brain is too busy thinking about tomorrow. But if you want a man to respect you in every way, then give him the opportunity to begin respecting you in the little ways.
Respect is built over time. I know we shake our head in agreement with Aretha and belt out "R-E-S-P-E-C-T, find out what it means to me..." and that's exactly what they're trying to do. Figure you out. Yet when we constantly turn them down, when we belittle their efforts as if they're small and insignificant, what motivation does that leave? What opportunity does that allow? What message does that portray? My dear husband has taught me that when I take the small things for granted, when I expect them, when I overlook them or even ignore them, I'm subtly saying, "I don't need you. I can get along just fine without you. What you're doing makes no difference to me." And if you feel that way about men, if you truly believe we can get along just fine without them, that we are as capable of existing regardless of whether or not they're around, then we had better take a good look at our prideful hearts and ask Jesus to show us the real truth.
Ladies, you can't have it all (because I've already married him...kidding...but I'm really not...), but you can have man who respects you. Sure, maybe you've been disrespected in the past, and so you're not so sure that I'm right about this one. Maybe you're thinking I have no idea what I'm even talking about. But I do. From a girl who has been disrespected and one who has been disrespectful, I know. I know that sometimes it seems really far fetched to ask for that in this day and age. But I don't believe that you deserve anything less. You shouldn't either. Yet you'll never know if you don't give him the chance to respect you. Simply present the opportunity and you'll see where his heart is. He doesn't think less of you. He knows you're a smart, strong, capable woman. But he wants to show you that he, too, is a strong, smart, capable man. That he can care for you. That he desires to provide for you and protect you. That he has your interest and reputation at heart. That he is willing to put your needs above his own. And if he shows you these things, and if you'll let him, you'll see that a little door opening is just the start.
"Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers." - 1 Peter 3:7
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