when you win the elephant award... and insecurity pegs you...
I've been traveling for work the past few weeks. I still have two more trips to go, and I can confidently say that I am more than ready for both of them to be over.
This week I found myself in El Paso and Ruidoso. I traveled with three of my co-workers, one being the COO and the other two from Marketing. Our last night was spent in a cabin, and while it was a large cabin, it did not provide the same amount of privacy as a hotel room does. I decided I would take a shower before bed since I wasn't sure how the morning would go. That way, if I happened to oversleep (which tends to be regular occurrence), I wouldn't be in a rush. Plus, I knew I would be sharing the bathroom, and I wanted to be sure I didn't hog it. I got ready for bed, set my alarm, and made sure to give myself plenty of time to get ready in the morning... even if I happened to oversleep.
My eyes popped open 5 minutes before my alarm went off. I laid in bed for a few minutes and wondered if anyone else was awake. Before I could make it out of bed and to the bathroom, I heard the door close and the shower turn on. If you're a creature of habit like me, then you have your morning routine. Here's how my mornings typically start:
Sometimes people confirm the negative things we already think of ourselves, and sometimes those things follow you through life. Ten years later, you find yourself worried that your co-worker might see how you really look when you're not at work and be horrified by what they see. That it, too, will be "etched" in their memory and they'll say to someone, "You should see that girl in the morning. Yikes! She doesn't even look like the same person when she's all dressed up for work." That maybe they'll make jokes at your expense, or even in good humor, and although you know looks aren't everything, it's not the first time someone has made a comment that increased your insecurity and lead you to believe that there is something wrong with you. That you could be better, or that you'll never be good enough. Because unfortunately, we live in a world that is all too concerned about the outward appearance, as if that's truly where our value lies.
But the Word says, "People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." (1 Samuel 16:7) Can I get an amen? Thank you, Jesus, that your primary concern is not our appearance. That you aren't judging us by how great we look when we wake up. Rather, you are looking at our hearts. Because in a world that has unattainable, constantly changing beauty standards, I'm grateful that the Lord's judgment remains the same. That He created us intentionally, and when He looks at us, He does not see a flaw. He gave us the body we have, the eyes, the hair, and the skin we've got for a reason. He designed us to be us, not to be the image Hollywood likes to airbrush on the front of magazines. We are fearfully and wonderfully made, and yet we so often forget that it's not what we look like, it's who we are that is pleasing to the Lord. It's having a heart that is for Him, a heart that lives to do His will and honor Him, that catches His attention. Because "outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day." (2 Corinthians 4:16) Our looks will change, gravity will set in, but a heart that pleases God, that is committed to Him, is the true distinguishing factor. That's what He values the most.
"Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." - Proverbs 31:30
This week I found myself in El Paso and Ruidoso. I traveled with three of my co-workers, one being the COO and the other two from Marketing. Our last night was spent in a cabin, and while it was a large cabin, it did not provide the same amount of privacy as a hotel room does. I decided I would take a shower before bed since I wasn't sure how the morning would go. That way, if I happened to oversleep (which tends to be regular occurrence), I wouldn't be in a rush. Plus, I knew I would be sharing the bathroom, and I wanted to be sure I didn't hog it. I got ready for bed, set my alarm, and made sure to give myself plenty of time to get ready in the morning... even if I happened to oversleep.
My eyes popped open 5 minutes before my alarm went off. I laid in bed for a few minutes and wondered if anyone else was awake. Before I could make it out of bed and to the bathroom, I heard the door close and the shower turn on. If you're a creature of habit like me, then you have your morning routine. Here's how my mornings typically start:
-Alarm rings
-Hit snooze
-Alarm rings
-Hit snooze
-Alarm rings
-Accidentally turn it off while trying to hit snooze
-Wake up after a bit and suddenly realize I've overslept a half an hour
-Roll out of bed
-Empty bladder (or "canteen" as Aaron affectionately calls it... which is probably too much information to be sharing with you, but I promise it'll help the story)
And so there was no question what needed to happen. I just didn't know how long it would be before I could get in the bathroom, and the anticipation itself made the problem even worse. I remembered that there was a half-bath downstairs no one would be using. The only problem was that the COO was also downstairs. Of course, he's married and has a daughter, so he's well aware of the fact that women don't wake up looking the same as when they go to bed. However, I wasn't quite sure I wanted him to see me in all of my morning glory. But I thought to myself, "Well, maybe you don't look so bad." That thought was quickly erased when I got out of bed and saw my reflection in the mirror. My hair, of all nights, had decided to plaster half of itself to my head while the other half formed a nice little bird's nest. I had lines running down the side of my face from the pillow (which is happening more and more these days), and my oversized t-shirt and Valentine's pajama bottoms were wrinkled to the max. There was no way I was going to risk being seen in such a manner by my co-workers. And so after a valiant attempt to control my hair, I changed into my clothes, grabbed my bag, peeked down the stairs to make sure it was all clear, and then made a mad dash to the bathroom without being seen.
The last few weeks of my senior year in high school were full of celebrations. Everyone had some sort of senior party, and of course, they all had to be different. One of the last parties I went to was a morning brunch. The night before the brunch took place, I found out that all of the attendees were going to be "kidnapped." And so I wanted to try and look as "cute" as I could but also unsuspecting. That way, I wouldn't be a total mess when they showed up, but it wouldn't appear that I was trying. I'll be real honest with you. I'm not a natural beauty. I am thankful for make up and hair products. They most definitely do me a favor, and I know that. I'd love to be one of those fresh-faced, all natural beauties, but I'm not. I'm pale and pasty, and my hair in its "undone" state is pathetic. And so I put a small bit of effort into my appearance that night before I went to bed. That way, I wouldn't feel too embarrassed the next morning and I would look okay for all of the pictures.
Well, early the next morning they came. A group of girls barged into the room, and I noticed that some of them had actually gotten up and done their hair and make up for the party. They had on their pj's, so I guess that had to count for something. Anyway, we headed over to the house that was hosting our breakfast, and we ate and played games. (Side note here: I blogged a few weeks ago about my high school experience. I was excited to get invited to this party as well as a little surprised because this was a group of girls I didn't typically get to hang out with. And so to say I felt intimidated and like a fish out of water was an understatement. Plus, these girls are natural beauties and so, hello, what teenage girl wouldn't feel a little inadequate in such a setting?) We had a nice party, from what I can remember, and then they gave out awards. Truth be told, I don't remember what the awards were for. I don't even remember how many there were or who got what. But I remember the award I got. In fact, I found it the other day going through a box of high school memorabilia. It was the Elephant Award. Yes, you read that correctly. It said, "It is etched in our memory. It is proven that elephants never forget! We will never forget your morning look." And needless to say, this elephant hasn't forgotten about it 10 years later.
Sometimes people confirm the negative things we already think of ourselves, and sometimes those things follow you through life. Ten years later, you find yourself worried that your co-worker might see how you really look when you're not at work and be horrified by what they see. That it, too, will be "etched" in their memory and they'll say to someone, "You should see that girl in the morning. Yikes! She doesn't even look like the same person when she's all dressed up for work." That maybe they'll make jokes at your expense, or even in good humor, and although you know looks aren't everything, it's not the first time someone has made a comment that increased your insecurity and lead you to believe that there is something wrong with you. That you could be better, or that you'll never be good enough. Because unfortunately, we live in a world that is all too concerned about the outward appearance, as if that's truly where our value lies.
But the Word says, "People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." (1 Samuel 16:7) Can I get an amen? Thank you, Jesus, that your primary concern is not our appearance. That you aren't judging us by how great we look when we wake up. Rather, you are looking at our hearts. Because in a world that has unattainable, constantly changing beauty standards, I'm grateful that the Lord's judgment remains the same. That He created us intentionally, and when He looks at us, He does not see a flaw. He gave us the body we have, the eyes, the hair, and the skin we've got for a reason. He designed us to be us, not to be the image Hollywood likes to airbrush on the front of magazines. We are fearfully and wonderfully made, and yet we so often forget that it's not what we look like, it's who we are that is pleasing to the Lord. It's having a heart that is for Him, a heart that lives to do His will and honor Him, that catches His attention. Because "outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day." (2 Corinthians 4:16) Our looks will change, gravity will set in, but a heart that pleases God, that is committed to Him, is the true distinguishing factor. That's what He values the most.
"Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." - Proverbs 31:30
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