month one...
Today's a big day, Annabeth! Today, you are one month old! I've been craving the opportunity to write for weeks now, but our schedule is a bit crazy. As you'll come to learn, I'm a Type-A, schedule loving, routine thriving woman, and the fact that our days and nights have zero consistency has been quite the adjustment for me. Honestly, everything about the past month has been an overwhelming adjustment. And since time seems to get away so quickly, I wanted to take the opportunity to write a bit about your first month of life.
After a long stay in the hospital, we finally made it home. You may or may not remember how crazy of a stay we had, and as much as I looked forward to coming home, part of me wanted to stay in the hospital. I wanted to stay where it was safe. Where I had every kind of help a new mom could want or need. Where I could press a button and have an experienced nurse right at my side to squash any worries or concerns. Because nothing was going according to plan. Nothing was happening the way it "should have," But you'll learn in life that things rarely go as we expect.
You were losing quite a bit of weight during our hospital stay, and so we had to come up with a game plan to make sure you didn't lose more than 10% of your body weight. You came into this world weighing 5 pounds 8 ounces, and you managed to get down to 4 pounds 15 ounces. The doctor had me nurse you, pump, and give you donor milk. I had gone to a breastfeeding class a few weeks before your arrival where we learned all about the art of breastfeeding. God designed our bodies to do some pretty amazing things, and everyone kept saying, "Your body will know what to do and when to do it." Well, my body didn't get the memo for anything related to giving you birth or feeding you, but we've survived.
Annabeth, here's the lesson I want to share with you from our first month together. Life is going to require you to bend. Things are not going to go as planned, and often times you may feel like you're not enough. Truth be told, I've had that feeling more than once since I first learned about you. I've felt like maybe I'm not doing enough. That I could do more to be a better mother to you. That if I don't do things one certain way, it's not good enough, and the last thing I would ever want is less than the best for you. But sometimes challenges come along and rather than worrying about whether or not we're doing enough, whether or not we're enough, we have to just do our best with what we've got. Because we can't control every aspect of life. We can try to force things happen one way or another, but that usually means we end up spending more time worrying and stressing. Sometimes we need to just let go and say, "Here's what I can do, and that's what I am going to do."
God is teaching me that I will never be enough for you, Annabeth. That no matter how hard I try, I can't be everything you need. No one can. He's the only one. And when it comes to this process, I am just as helpless as you. But I'm trying. I really am. I'm doing the best I can with what I know, and then I am leaning on the Lord to help me. To show me how to care for you and love you in the way that you need it. I've done my best to let go of all of my preconceived notions and ideas and lay aside worry and stress so I can enjoy being your mother. And you know what? It has been a joy! I thank God every day that He would trust me enough to be your mom, and I just hope that He's pleased with the job I'm doing. I hope you are, too.
And so, since you won't remember these days, I figured I'd share a few things that we've learned about you so far. You are a sweet girl, and as long as you have a full tummy and are warm, you are content. You enjoy snuggling, taking naps, and reading a good book. You love laying on the kitchen counter top next to the sink, and I'm guessing it's because you have a pretty good view from there. You are sleeping well, giving us a good 3 hours between feedings, and you have finally grown into your newborn sized clothes. You hate having your diaper or clothes changed, you're not a big fan of baths, and nothing makes you more angry than having to wait to eat. You're now weighing in at 6 pounds 3 ounces, and you're measuring 19.5 inches long. Your dad and I are falling more and more in love with you every day, and we are so excited to see what all you accomplish over this next month. We couldn't be more proud of you, and we hope you always know how dearly you are loved!
After a long stay in the hospital, we finally made it home. You may or may not remember how crazy of a stay we had, and as much as I looked forward to coming home, part of me wanted to stay in the hospital. I wanted to stay where it was safe. Where I had every kind of help a new mom could want or need. Where I could press a button and have an experienced nurse right at my side to squash any worries or concerns. Because nothing was going according to plan. Nothing was happening the way it "should have," But you'll learn in life that things rarely go as we expect.
You were losing quite a bit of weight during our hospital stay, and so we had to come up with a game plan to make sure you didn't lose more than 10% of your body weight. You came into this world weighing 5 pounds 8 ounces, and you managed to get down to 4 pounds 15 ounces. The doctor had me nurse you, pump, and give you donor milk. I had gone to a breastfeeding class a few weeks before your arrival where we learned all about the art of breastfeeding. God designed our bodies to do some pretty amazing things, and everyone kept saying, "Your body will know what to do and when to do it." Well, my body didn't get the memo for anything related to giving you birth or feeding you, but we've survived.
Annabeth, here's the lesson I want to share with you from our first month together. Life is going to require you to bend. Things are not going to go as planned, and often times you may feel like you're not enough. Truth be told, I've had that feeling more than once since I first learned about you. I've felt like maybe I'm not doing enough. That I could do more to be a better mother to you. That if I don't do things one certain way, it's not good enough, and the last thing I would ever want is less than the best for you. But sometimes challenges come along and rather than worrying about whether or not we're doing enough, whether or not we're enough, we have to just do our best with what we've got. Because we can't control every aspect of life. We can try to force things happen one way or another, but that usually means we end up spending more time worrying and stressing. Sometimes we need to just let go and say, "Here's what I can do, and that's what I am going to do."
God is teaching me that I will never be enough for you, Annabeth. That no matter how hard I try, I can't be everything you need. No one can. He's the only one. And when it comes to this process, I am just as helpless as you. But I'm trying. I really am. I'm doing the best I can with what I know, and then I am leaning on the Lord to help me. To show me how to care for you and love you in the way that you need it. I've done my best to let go of all of my preconceived notions and ideas and lay aside worry and stress so I can enjoy being your mother. And you know what? It has been a joy! I thank God every day that He would trust me enough to be your mom, and I just hope that He's pleased with the job I'm doing. I hope you are, too.
And so, since you won't remember these days, I figured I'd share a few things that we've learned about you so far. You are a sweet girl, and as long as you have a full tummy and are warm, you are content. You enjoy snuggling, taking naps, and reading a good book. You love laying on the kitchen counter top next to the sink, and I'm guessing it's because you have a pretty good view from there. You are sleeping well, giving us a good 3 hours between feedings, and you have finally grown into your newborn sized clothes. You hate having your diaper or clothes changed, you're not a big fan of baths, and nothing makes you more angry than having to wait to eat. You're now weighing in at 6 pounds 3 ounces, and you're measuring 19.5 inches long. Your dad and I are falling more and more in love with you every day, and we are so excited to see what all you accomplish over this next month. We couldn't be more proud of you, and we hope you always know how dearly you are loved!
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