What did I do?
"What did I do?"
I asked myself that question about a thousand times a few days after I brought Scout home. I had never had a puppy before, and I had no idea how much work they were. It's a good thing she was cute because, at the time, that was her only saving grace. She cried her way into bed with me after a few nights of little sleep, and then she had the nerve to wake me up multiple times throughout the night to go outside and potty. I remember waking up the first time she slept through the entire night, and I was shocked. I couldn't believe her little bladder had finally held its contents. The joy of getting a full night's rest quickly faded when I got out of bed and saw a yellow stain at the end of the comforter. The comforter that was thin enough to allow the yellow liquid to pass through to the sheets and, yes, finally, to the mattress. I was furious. Of course, she may have very well tried her best to wake me up and had no success or she, herself, may have been too tired to make the trip outside. But weeks of cleaning the carpet, of little sleep, of having my toes chomped on and my carefree schedule ruined had me asking myself, "What did I do?" Why in the world did I ever think getting a dog was a good idea? I would no longer be able to stay away from home all day, like I was used to. I would now spend my lunch breaks driving across town, or coordinating care when I couldn't make it home, to ensure my little critter was properly taken care of. I had taken on a new level of responsibility, and my life as I knew it would never be the same again. But, as I would soon come to find out, she would make it immensely better.
A few months after Aaron and I got married I began questioning my ability to be a wife. Maybe I wasn't cut out for the role. Going into it, I knew marriage would be work. I certainly wasn't naive, but I was struggling. I had spent a good amount of time building my life as a single woman, and I was having a blast. I was experiencing an incredible type of independence I had never known before. I was a full fledged adult with a job and complete freedom, and I could do whatever I wanted, when I wanted, how I wanted. I could spend half of my Saturdays in bed reading, and the other half buying out Francesca's. I didn't have to consult with anyone regarding how I spent my time, my money, what temperature I kept the house, or what food I stocked in the fridge. My decisions were my decisions, and the only responsibility I had, aside from myself, was Scout. We were in a good rhythm, and when the three of us became a family, my life as I knew it changed drastically.,, for the better.
Three and a half years later, we brought home Annabeth. The majority of our first week was spent in the hospital, and I was actually okay with that. In fact, I would have stayed longer if they would have let me. Aaron headed back to work the second week and I began wondering if I could really do this. Was the timing right? Was I really ready to become a mother? Ready or not, it didn't matter. And as the days passed, I wondered how I would be able to continue living on hour increments of sleep. Nights and days were a blur. I had no idea what I was doing, and truth be told, I was already missing my former life. I craved normalcy. I wanted to just wake up rested, go to work, run errands, watch TV, eat a warm dinner, take a long, hot bath. Maybe I wasn't cut out to be a mother. Maybe I had completely underestimated what it took and I wasn't made of the right stuff. But as the days have passed, and as I have kissed her tiny cheeks a million times, changed a thousand diapers, sat in the darkness in the wee hours of the morning scrolling through Facebook so I don't fall asleep, I have come to realize that the challenging things in life, the things we work hardest to achieve, are the things that are most worthwhile. Sure, they throw us for a loop as we wonder how we'll manage this new norm. But somehow, someway, we do it. We don't give up because we know that the reward is worth the work and if we stop working too soon, we rob ourselves of a great joy that awaits.
So maybe you're asking yourself the same question. Maybe you're thinking you can't do this... whatever it is. Maybe you're wondering what in the world you've gotten yourself into as you're feeling in over your head. Well, nothing good in life comes easy, trust me. But hard work pays off, my friend. Diligence does, too. And when you feel like you're at the end of your rope, tie a knot and as you hang on, turn your eyes to the hills where your help comes from. To the one who never sleeps nor slumbers. The one who is ever present. Ever faithful. And remember that this, too, shall pass, and when it does, you'll be amazed at how He carried you through it.
"I look up to the mountains - does my help come from there? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth! He will not let you stumble; the one who watches over you will not slumber. Indeed, he who watches over Israel never slumbers or sleeps. The Lord himself watches over you!" - Psalm 121:1-5
I asked myself that question about a thousand times a few days after I brought Scout home. I had never had a puppy before, and I had no idea how much work they were. It's a good thing she was cute because, at the time, that was her only saving grace. She cried her way into bed with me after a few nights of little sleep, and then she had the nerve to wake me up multiple times throughout the night to go outside and potty. I remember waking up the first time she slept through the entire night, and I was shocked. I couldn't believe her little bladder had finally held its contents. The joy of getting a full night's rest quickly faded when I got out of bed and saw a yellow stain at the end of the comforter. The comforter that was thin enough to allow the yellow liquid to pass through to the sheets and, yes, finally, to the mattress. I was furious. Of course, she may have very well tried her best to wake me up and had no success or she, herself, may have been too tired to make the trip outside. But weeks of cleaning the carpet, of little sleep, of having my toes chomped on and my carefree schedule ruined had me asking myself, "What did I do?" Why in the world did I ever think getting a dog was a good idea? I would no longer be able to stay away from home all day, like I was used to. I would now spend my lunch breaks driving across town, or coordinating care when I couldn't make it home, to ensure my little critter was properly taken care of. I had taken on a new level of responsibility, and my life as I knew it would never be the same again. But, as I would soon come to find out, she would make it immensely better.
A few months after Aaron and I got married I began questioning my ability to be a wife. Maybe I wasn't cut out for the role. Going into it, I knew marriage would be work. I certainly wasn't naive, but I was struggling. I had spent a good amount of time building my life as a single woman, and I was having a blast. I was experiencing an incredible type of independence I had never known before. I was a full fledged adult with a job and complete freedom, and I could do whatever I wanted, when I wanted, how I wanted. I could spend half of my Saturdays in bed reading, and the other half buying out Francesca's. I didn't have to consult with anyone regarding how I spent my time, my money, what temperature I kept the house, or what food I stocked in the fridge. My decisions were my decisions, and the only responsibility I had, aside from myself, was Scout. We were in a good rhythm, and when the three of us became a family, my life as I knew it changed drastically.,, for the better.
Three and a half years later, we brought home Annabeth. The majority of our first week was spent in the hospital, and I was actually okay with that. In fact, I would have stayed longer if they would have let me. Aaron headed back to work the second week and I began wondering if I could really do this. Was the timing right? Was I really ready to become a mother? Ready or not, it didn't matter. And as the days passed, I wondered how I would be able to continue living on hour increments of sleep. Nights and days were a blur. I had no idea what I was doing, and truth be told, I was already missing my former life. I craved normalcy. I wanted to just wake up rested, go to work, run errands, watch TV, eat a warm dinner, take a long, hot bath. Maybe I wasn't cut out to be a mother. Maybe I had completely underestimated what it took and I wasn't made of the right stuff. But as the days have passed, and as I have kissed her tiny cheeks a million times, changed a thousand diapers, sat in the darkness in the wee hours of the morning scrolling through Facebook so I don't fall asleep, I have come to realize that the challenging things in life, the things we work hardest to achieve, are the things that are most worthwhile. Sure, they throw us for a loop as we wonder how we'll manage this new norm. But somehow, someway, we do it. We don't give up because we know that the reward is worth the work and if we stop working too soon, we rob ourselves of a great joy that awaits.
So maybe you're asking yourself the same question. Maybe you're thinking you can't do this... whatever it is. Maybe you're wondering what in the world you've gotten yourself into as you're feeling in over your head. Well, nothing good in life comes easy, trust me. But hard work pays off, my friend. Diligence does, too. And when you feel like you're at the end of your rope, tie a knot and as you hang on, turn your eyes to the hills where your help comes from. To the one who never sleeps nor slumbers. The one who is ever present. Ever faithful. And remember that this, too, shall pass, and when it does, you'll be amazed at how He carried you through it.
"I look up to the mountains - does my help come from there? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth! He will not let you stumble; the one who watches over you will not slumber. Indeed, he who watches over Israel never slumbers or sleeps. The Lord himself watches over you!" - Psalm 121:1-5
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