coupons...

You all know my story with breastfeeding. About how much I hoped I could and about how little success I had. Before Annabeth left the hospital, our pediatrician told us about a formula that is similar to breastmilk. I've not tasted either one in the last 29 years, so I can't tell you how true that is. Supposedly it acts the same on baby's tummy. We decided we'd go with that just to supplement as needed, not knowing, at the time, that it would quickly become Annabeth's sole source of sustenance.

We got home from the hospital and purchased the pre-made formula bottles at the store. She was only drinking a third of each bottle at each feeding since we were trying to imitate our schedule at the hospital, and the bottle said that once it was opened it had to be consumed within an hour. So, in our ignorance, we were throwing away bottles of formula that were two-thirds full. I could kick myself now for doing that. Thankfully, we mentioned it to the doctor at one of our appointments and she kindly told us that we could refrigerate the bottles so they'd last longer. She gave us a few more samples to make up for our losses, and after realizing how much it was costing us, I opted to buy powdered formula instead.

During one of Annabeth's late night feedings, I began looking for formula coupons. If you aren't familiar with the price of formula, I'll just tell you that it adds up quickly. We spend at least $100 a month on those precious boxes, and I'll be danged that any of it goes to waste. I discovered that the formula companies send out samples and coupons if you're on their mailing list. You better bet I signed up because as you know, a penny saved is a penny earned. I was dealing not only with guilt for not being able to breastfeed as planned, but I was also feeling guilty that I had quit my job, greatly impacting our budget, and now we were going to be shelling out a hefty sum of money for formula. I was just going to have to trust God's provision even more than I had originally expected.

I received my first coupons in the mail a couple of weeks later, and I tucked them into the diaper bag so that I wouldn't forget to use them. I made sure to take note of any stores having specials or sales on formula, and I had some sweet friends who shared their unused coupons with me when the time was needed. Almost 9 months in to using formula, and I have yet to purchase a box without a coupon. Somehow, someway, I've always had one handy when I needed it. And although it's just a few dollars here or there, I can guarantee I have easily saved a hundred or more by doing this.

Sunday morning I noticed that Annabeth's box was beginning to look low and we didn't have another one in the pantry. I made a mental note to add it to my grocery list for our routine trip to the store on Monday, and I told Aaron that this would be the first box of formula I'd be buying at full price. I thought about how faithful God has been to provide for us over the past many months as I have stopped working and we've added an extra expense to our budget. I thought about how He has met every single need and blessed us immensely. And I seriously thought about praying for a coupon but then I thought to myself that it would be a silly request to ask, even though scripture does tell us to pray about everything. I guess coupons do fall in the category of everything, but I felt funny asking something so insignificant and simple in the grand scheme of things, and so I let it go.

I backed out of the driveway this afternoon with my grocery list in hand. I pulled up to the mailbox, and as I pulled down the lid my eye was drawn to the bright blue Similac envelope. I almost cried and laughed and as I broke open the seal, I saw that there was one coupon for a box of formula. Not the set of three that they always send. No, just one. One coupon to meet my one need. He was giving me my daily bread, and as I drove to the store I thanked God the whole way for knowing my thoughts and being so generous to address them even when I lack faith to turn them into prayer.

Psalm 139 tells us that God made us. He knit us together, and because He did that, He knows us so well. Before a thought is formed in our heads, before a word leaves our tongue, He already knows it. This has been such an interesting season of my life, one of my favorites for sure, but I constantly feel like I am failing the Lord. Like I could do so much better. And I could. There are so many pressing issues going on in the world. So much hatred, darkness, death, destruction. There are people who are facing difficult times, people who are in dire need of help, people whose lives are in jeopardy, and if anyone is deserving of God's attention, it certainly isn't me. I need to be at the end of line. But you see, that's the thing about God. He's got all of us in mind, all the time. And He's addressing what each of us needs and providing it for us when we need it.

God never ceases to amaze me with His love. We don't deserve anything from God, at least I certainly don't. And yet, as undeserving as I am, He speaks to my heart in such exact and specific ways to remind of His goodness and His faithfulness. I mean who else could show their love through a perfectly timed coupon? But maybe it's not a coupon for you. Maybe it's a new friend just when you needed one. Maybe it's a job or a clean bill of health. Maybe it's a sunrise full of your favorite colors or a song that comes on the radio that lifts your heart. God shows His love for us in many, many ways each day. We just have to open our eyes to see it. To see that it's not just luck. It's not just coincidence, circumstance, or perfect timing. It's God. It's His love. And it will never run out.

"For great is His love towards us, and the faithfulness of the Lord endures forever. Praise the Lord," - Psalm 117:2

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