stepping back rather than stepping in...
Well I'm two days late, Annabeth, but it has been a busy week. You attended your first VBS this week, and I volunteered at it. It was a fun week, but it was exhausting. We were both worn out by the time we got home, and thank goodness, we both squeezed in naps a few of those days. You turned 8 months old on Thursday, and I can hardly believe that we've just got 4 months left before your first birthday. It's coming fast, but I think I'm going to be okay with that.
Over the past month, you've added quite a few things to your growing list of accomplishments. You've said "dada" about a million times, and you've recently begun stringing together your babbles, It's too precious! You have tried a lot of new fruits and veggies, all of which you've gladly eaten. And you grew three more teeth. I was changing your diaper one morning and low and behold, your top two teeth were poking out of your gums. I think they sprouted overnight! You've yet to crawl, but you've begun scooting all over the place on your back. I suppose that could count as crawling, just backwards, I guess.
As I journey through this adventure of motherhood, and I am constantly asking the Lord to fill me with wisdom and help me. This is such an interesting process that can be quite overwhelming if you try to figure it out on your own. Thankfully, God has more than answered those prayers, but as I now have the perspective of a mom, my heart has also been challenged in ways it never has been before.
A little girl came to VBS this week as a visitor. From what I could tell, she didn't seem to know any of the other kids in the group and I'm pretty sure she hadn't been to our church before, at least not on a regular basis. Let me just tell you, it's hard being the "new girl." It's really hard to show up to a group of people, no matter how old you are, and be the odd one out. When everyone knows one another and no one knows you, it can be awkward. And if you just so happen to be a person who likes to keep to themselves, one who doesn't seek out attention or initiate conversation with others, it can be especially difficult to show up. I've been in that spot before, and although I've learned some tips and tricks on how to make it better, I still try to avoid such situations if I can.
Well, a few days into the week, this little girl asked her mom if she had to come back. She didn't feel comfortable or that the other kids liked her. When I heard this, my heart broke. I felt terrible that she was having a bad experience and believed that she wasn't liked. I hadn't noticed anyone being mean to her, and from what I knew, no one had said anything hurtful. But sometimes we don't have to actually do or say anything to lead people to one conclusion or another. Sometimes our silence, lack of attention, and distance says enough. And so we prayed that God would help her see and understand that she really is loved. That she would feel included, welcomed, and safe. And that she would want to be there so that truth could be planted in her heart. But as I thought about this precious child, I thought about her mother. About how her mother felt when she heard the confessions of her sweet baby. How her heart hurt must have hurt greatly for her child, too. And had it been me, Annabeth, and had that been you, I think my first reaction would have been to keep you home the rest of the week because the thought of dropping you off at a place full of people I don't know, a place that I don't frequent and haven't memorized like the back of my hand, a place that isn't familiar to either one of us, and a place that might challenge you, seems to be more than I can handle.
But she came back. She finished the week with us, and I was so thrilled to see her little face on Friday morning. I was so impressed that she had the courage to stick it out and that her mother had the courage to bring her each day. But more than that I was amazed at how God had answered our prayers for this child and drew her in. And I realize that as your mother, my desire to protect you should never exceed my ability to trust God. Because I'm afraid, sweet sister, that we may have situations like this in our future. I'm afraid that there might be circumstances and situations that you have to face that will just be hard. They will be learning opportunities and growth opportunities not just for you, but for me, too. Because if I can step in and make things better, you know that's my first inclination. But I know that rather than stepping in, I've got to step back. I've got to lift my eyes to the Lord and ask Him for help. Trust that He sees you, He knows you, He cares for you, and He's watching out for you. And that's a really hard thing to do, you know. But that's what God calls us to do. To have faith. To trust Him. And to believe that He will answer when we call on His name.
"As soon as I pray, you answer me. You encourage me by giving me strength." - Psalm 138:3
Over the past month, you've added quite a few things to your growing list of accomplishments. You've said "dada" about a million times, and you've recently begun stringing together your babbles, It's too precious! You have tried a lot of new fruits and veggies, all of which you've gladly eaten. And you grew three more teeth. I was changing your diaper one morning and low and behold, your top two teeth were poking out of your gums. I think they sprouted overnight! You've yet to crawl, but you've begun scooting all over the place on your back. I suppose that could count as crawling, just backwards, I guess.
As I journey through this adventure of motherhood, and I am constantly asking the Lord to fill me with wisdom and help me. This is such an interesting process that can be quite overwhelming if you try to figure it out on your own. Thankfully, God has more than answered those prayers, but as I now have the perspective of a mom, my heart has also been challenged in ways it never has been before.
A little girl came to VBS this week as a visitor. From what I could tell, she didn't seem to know any of the other kids in the group and I'm pretty sure she hadn't been to our church before, at least not on a regular basis. Let me just tell you, it's hard being the "new girl." It's really hard to show up to a group of people, no matter how old you are, and be the odd one out. When everyone knows one another and no one knows you, it can be awkward. And if you just so happen to be a person who likes to keep to themselves, one who doesn't seek out attention or initiate conversation with others, it can be especially difficult to show up. I've been in that spot before, and although I've learned some tips and tricks on how to make it better, I still try to avoid such situations if I can.
Well, a few days into the week, this little girl asked her mom if she had to come back. She didn't feel comfortable or that the other kids liked her. When I heard this, my heart broke. I felt terrible that she was having a bad experience and believed that she wasn't liked. I hadn't noticed anyone being mean to her, and from what I knew, no one had said anything hurtful. But sometimes we don't have to actually do or say anything to lead people to one conclusion or another. Sometimes our silence, lack of attention, and distance says enough. And so we prayed that God would help her see and understand that she really is loved. That she would feel included, welcomed, and safe. And that she would want to be there so that truth could be planted in her heart. But as I thought about this precious child, I thought about her mother. About how her mother felt when she heard the confessions of her sweet baby. How her heart hurt must have hurt greatly for her child, too. And had it been me, Annabeth, and had that been you, I think my first reaction would have been to keep you home the rest of the week because the thought of dropping you off at a place full of people I don't know, a place that I don't frequent and haven't memorized like the back of my hand, a place that isn't familiar to either one of us, and a place that might challenge you, seems to be more than I can handle.
But she came back. She finished the week with us, and I was so thrilled to see her little face on Friday morning. I was so impressed that she had the courage to stick it out and that her mother had the courage to bring her each day. But more than that I was amazed at how God had answered our prayers for this child and drew her in. And I realize that as your mother, my desire to protect you should never exceed my ability to trust God. Because I'm afraid, sweet sister, that we may have situations like this in our future. I'm afraid that there might be circumstances and situations that you have to face that will just be hard. They will be learning opportunities and growth opportunities not just for you, but for me, too. Because if I can step in and make things better, you know that's my first inclination. But I know that rather than stepping in, I've got to step back. I've got to lift my eyes to the Lord and ask Him for help. Trust that He sees you, He knows you, He cares for you, and He's watching out for you. And that's a really hard thing to do, you know. But that's what God calls us to do. To have faith. To trust Him. And to believe that He will answer when we call on His name.
"As soon as I pray, you answer me. You encourage me by giving me strength." - Psalm 138:3
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