your life is worth living...
My precious, precious girl, how are you almost two? You turned 20 months this week, and I can hardly believe it. Twenty?! Weren't you just born yesterday? There are moments when I feel like I should still be toting around a tiny newborn, and then I look at you and see a cute little girl who keeps changing by the minute.
Your dad and I took a little vacation this month to celebrate our fifth anniversary. It was the first time for me to be away from you overnight, and you did so well. I did, too, although I will admit that it was strange to spend four days apart from you. I'm so used to having you around all the time and moving at your pace, so the time away went by slowly. It was a little reminder of what life was like before you came along. Your dad and I got to do whatever we wanted, and although I certainly enjoyed the opportunity to be a little selfish, I was more than ready to get home and kiss your sweet little face!
I see so many changes in you each month, but this month has been full of fun developments. You've started putting words together and have an extensive vocabulary. You're about to repeat just about any word. You now respond with "I love you, too" when I tell you that I love you. When you, or anyone within earshot, sneezes or makes a sound that might resemble a sneeze, you say "Bless you!" You've also learned how to behave during prayer time and loudly shout "Amen!" when it's over. Of course, you do sneak in little bites while our heads are bowed but you're very quiet about it. You are learning manners well and always thank us when appropriate. You've also become more of a lap-sitter, which I love. There are many times when you ask me to sit down to hold you or take the initiative to crawl into my lap. I love it, but I can't say Scout feels the same. Thankfully she's really taken up with the blanket on the couch.
You are a fearless, adventurous, brave little girl. You love a good thrill, unlike your mom. I am not sure if you got this trait from your father or your uncle. I have a feeling we'll spend many vacations at water parks and theme parks. You will try just about anything, especially if there is some element of danger associated with it. To be so small, however, you're a tough little gal. I'm trying my best to introduce you to new experiences so you can learn how to navigate successfully and independently. I am just hoping and praying that sometime soon you'll develop a sense of caution like your momma has always possessed.
I wanted to take some time to write about a very sensitive subject this month. I know this one is going to seem really heavy. The only reason I am even thinking about it is because this issue has been in the news this week. Two well known people, one was a designer and the other a chef, both committed suicide. You don't even know what that is, and I wish I was something you never had to learn about. But we live in a culture that places a lot of emphasis on death. In fact, there is a popular TV series for young people that actually glamorizes suicide. And there are many people who feel like it's okay to end someone's life, even their own, if they don't believe it has value. But I want you to know that you are valuable. I want you to know that you are deeply loved. And I want you to know that your life is worth living, and it has been from the start.
This world is a tough place, Annabeth. You are going to face many difficult moments throughout your lifetime. It may be on a global scale, or it may be on a personal scale, but none of us are immune to suffering. I've never dealt with depression. I've never considered taking my own life or the life of another. But I have known pain and darkness. I've experienced great hurt, disappointment, rejection, and humiliation. And I've felt alone. You see, that's one of the enemy's best schemes. He likes to make people feel like they are alone. He wants them to believe that they are the only one facing difficulty and that no one else understands because the rest of the world is happy. But this is untrue. You are never, nor will you ever be, the only person in the world who is going through something difficult. And there will always be someone who understands.
But in moments of darkness, Annebeth, it's hard to remember that. It's hard to see any light at the end of the tunnel. It's hard to think with reason and rationale because emotions are strong. Really, really, really, strong. And the enemy, well, he's very crafty. He's been at this thing called deception for a really long time so he's skilled. He knows exactly what lies to whisper into your ear to make you think that your life is over. That nothing good come ever come from it again. That you don't matter. That no one could ever or would ever want you. He'll tell you that you are unlovable, unlikable, and that the world would be better off without you. He'll find a way to pour salt on your open wounds. To remind you again and again and again of how you've failed. He'll rub it in your face through assumptions. You'll be tempted to believe it. Tempted to listen to the lies. Tempted to take it to heart. But what I have learned is that your life can drastically change in a day. What is and has been may not be tomorrow, and what will be has yet to come. Sometimes all it takes is one day of life.
"The thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy. But I have come that you might have life, and have it to the full." - John 10:10
God desires for you to have life, Annabeth. Life from the moment those two pink lines showed up on the pregnancy test until the moment He removes the breath from your lungs. And not just an okay life. Not just a mediocre, so-so, it-will-do kind of life but an abundant life. A full life. And a full life consists of mountains and valleys. Of sunshine and storms. And the only way to get through the storms and the valleys is to keeping moving forward. To keep putting one foot in front of the other and clinging to the promises of our Savior. Because He is our hope. Our hope that whatever it is we're facing will not be wasted because He has a bigger plan than we can see at the moment. And He is using all of those things to draw us closer to Him because His goal for us is that we know him. That we have a relationship with him and place our trust in Him. He is looking at our lives through an eternal perspective. And so, yeah, things on this earth are going to get rough. There are going to be really terrible moments of grief and sorrow, but they are temporary. And the Bible tells us that no matter how terrible it gets, it doesn't even compare to the glory that awaits us. So we have to keep believing that. And we have to cling to our Lord and seek His face. He promises that when we seek Him, we will find Him. We have to allow His truth drown out the lies. Allow His light to shine in the darkness. And even if we can't feel His love at that moment, even if it looks, from a human perspective, that all hope is lost, we have to hold on to the hope we have that He who promises is faithful.
I wish with all my heart that I could find a way to guarantee you a pain-free, happy life. Oh, how I wish you would never feel the sting of heartbreak, failure, rejection, or loss. You are so happy and joyful and the thought of you being sad, hurt, or gone pains my heart in a way that words can't describe. But I know that you, my sweet baby, will encounter troubles along this journey. It's not going to be an easy one, and I think it's best you find that out sooner than later. But we have help, Annaebeth. God, himself, is our help. And He has given us one another, family members, friends, and countless people who want to help. There will never be a moment in your life when you are not wanted or not loved. If God didn't have a plan for your life, He wouldn't have created you. If Jesus didn't love you so much, He wouldn't have died on the cross for you.
I want to end with the words from one of my favorite hymns. I think it sums up everything I've said tonight, and I hope it's a song that you'll learn and keep close to your heart because it's full of God's truth. Your life is worth living, Annabeth, and I pray you always believe that.
How sweet to hold a new born baby, and feel the pride and joy he gives.
But greater still the calm assurance, this child can face uncertain days because He lives.
Because He lives I can face to tomorrow.
Because He lives all fear is gone.
Because I know He holds the future.
And life is worth the living just because He lives.
Your dad and I took a little vacation this month to celebrate our fifth anniversary. It was the first time for me to be away from you overnight, and you did so well. I did, too, although I will admit that it was strange to spend four days apart from you. I'm so used to having you around all the time and moving at your pace, so the time away went by slowly. It was a little reminder of what life was like before you came along. Your dad and I got to do whatever we wanted, and although I certainly enjoyed the opportunity to be a little selfish, I was more than ready to get home and kiss your sweet little face!
I see so many changes in you each month, but this month has been full of fun developments. You've started putting words together and have an extensive vocabulary. You're about to repeat just about any word. You now respond with "I love you, too" when I tell you that I love you. When you, or anyone within earshot, sneezes or makes a sound that might resemble a sneeze, you say "Bless you!" You've also learned how to behave during prayer time and loudly shout "Amen!" when it's over. Of course, you do sneak in little bites while our heads are bowed but you're very quiet about it. You are learning manners well and always thank us when appropriate. You've also become more of a lap-sitter, which I love. There are many times when you ask me to sit down to hold you or take the initiative to crawl into my lap. I love it, but I can't say Scout feels the same. Thankfully she's really taken up with the blanket on the couch.
You are a fearless, adventurous, brave little girl. You love a good thrill, unlike your mom. I am not sure if you got this trait from your father or your uncle. I have a feeling we'll spend many vacations at water parks and theme parks. You will try just about anything, especially if there is some element of danger associated with it. To be so small, however, you're a tough little gal. I'm trying my best to introduce you to new experiences so you can learn how to navigate successfully and independently. I am just hoping and praying that sometime soon you'll develop a sense of caution like your momma has always possessed.
I wanted to take some time to write about a very sensitive subject this month. I know this one is going to seem really heavy. The only reason I am even thinking about it is because this issue has been in the news this week. Two well known people, one was a designer and the other a chef, both committed suicide. You don't even know what that is, and I wish I was something you never had to learn about. But we live in a culture that places a lot of emphasis on death. In fact, there is a popular TV series for young people that actually glamorizes suicide. And there are many people who feel like it's okay to end someone's life, even their own, if they don't believe it has value. But I want you to know that you are valuable. I want you to know that you are deeply loved. And I want you to know that your life is worth living, and it has been from the start.
This world is a tough place, Annabeth. You are going to face many difficult moments throughout your lifetime. It may be on a global scale, or it may be on a personal scale, but none of us are immune to suffering. I've never dealt with depression. I've never considered taking my own life or the life of another. But I have known pain and darkness. I've experienced great hurt, disappointment, rejection, and humiliation. And I've felt alone. You see, that's one of the enemy's best schemes. He likes to make people feel like they are alone. He wants them to believe that they are the only one facing difficulty and that no one else understands because the rest of the world is happy. But this is untrue. You are never, nor will you ever be, the only person in the world who is going through something difficult. And there will always be someone who understands.
But in moments of darkness, Annebeth, it's hard to remember that. It's hard to see any light at the end of the tunnel. It's hard to think with reason and rationale because emotions are strong. Really, really, really, strong. And the enemy, well, he's very crafty. He's been at this thing called deception for a really long time so he's skilled. He knows exactly what lies to whisper into your ear to make you think that your life is over. That nothing good come ever come from it again. That you don't matter. That no one could ever or would ever want you. He'll tell you that you are unlovable, unlikable, and that the world would be better off without you. He'll find a way to pour salt on your open wounds. To remind you again and again and again of how you've failed. He'll rub it in your face through assumptions. You'll be tempted to believe it. Tempted to listen to the lies. Tempted to take it to heart. But what I have learned is that your life can drastically change in a day. What is and has been may not be tomorrow, and what will be has yet to come. Sometimes all it takes is one day of life.
"The thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy. But I have come that you might have life, and have it to the full." - John 10:10
God desires for you to have life, Annabeth. Life from the moment those two pink lines showed up on the pregnancy test until the moment He removes the breath from your lungs. And not just an okay life. Not just a mediocre, so-so, it-will-do kind of life but an abundant life. A full life. And a full life consists of mountains and valleys. Of sunshine and storms. And the only way to get through the storms and the valleys is to keeping moving forward. To keep putting one foot in front of the other and clinging to the promises of our Savior. Because He is our hope. Our hope that whatever it is we're facing will not be wasted because He has a bigger plan than we can see at the moment. And He is using all of those things to draw us closer to Him because His goal for us is that we know him. That we have a relationship with him and place our trust in Him. He is looking at our lives through an eternal perspective. And so, yeah, things on this earth are going to get rough. There are going to be really terrible moments of grief and sorrow, but they are temporary. And the Bible tells us that no matter how terrible it gets, it doesn't even compare to the glory that awaits us. So we have to keep believing that. And we have to cling to our Lord and seek His face. He promises that when we seek Him, we will find Him. We have to allow His truth drown out the lies. Allow His light to shine in the darkness. And even if we can't feel His love at that moment, even if it looks, from a human perspective, that all hope is lost, we have to hold on to the hope we have that He who promises is faithful.
I wish with all my heart that I could find a way to guarantee you a pain-free, happy life. Oh, how I wish you would never feel the sting of heartbreak, failure, rejection, or loss. You are so happy and joyful and the thought of you being sad, hurt, or gone pains my heart in a way that words can't describe. But I know that you, my sweet baby, will encounter troubles along this journey. It's not going to be an easy one, and I think it's best you find that out sooner than later. But we have help, Annaebeth. God, himself, is our help. And He has given us one another, family members, friends, and countless people who want to help. There will never be a moment in your life when you are not wanted or not loved. If God didn't have a plan for your life, He wouldn't have created you. If Jesus didn't love you so much, He wouldn't have died on the cross for you.
I want to end with the words from one of my favorite hymns. I think it sums up everything I've said tonight, and I hope it's a song that you'll learn and keep close to your heart because it's full of God's truth. Your life is worth living, Annabeth, and I pray you always believe that.
How sweet to hold a new born baby, and feel the pride and joy he gives.
But greater still the calm assurance, this child can face uncertain days because He lives.
Because He lives I can face to tomorrow.
Because He lives all fear is gone.
Because I know He holds the future.
And life is worth the living just because He lives.
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