still thankful...

This year was my first time to host Thanksgiving. Aaron and I have slowed down the work on our house quite a bit because we made it to a good resting point. It has been months since we've scraped popcorn off the ceiling or painted any walls. Truth be told, I think this pregnancy has been the driving force behind our work schedule. The last thing a nauseated woman wants to smell is fresh paint, and the last thing she wants to do is stay up late rolling it up and down walls when she can hardly keep her eyes open. Once the dining room was finally finished we decided we would wait until after the holidays to renovate the guest bedrooms. The only thing left on my "honey-do" list for Aaron was a farm table. He was pretty certain we could find what we needed at a furniture store, and I was pretty certain he could make it. And so after shopping around and seeing prices, he felt confident he could make one, too. My only request was that the table be finished in time for Thanksgiving so we would have a place for everyone to sit together. As all things go in our house, the table was finished the night before Thanksgiving. 

I ordered chairs for the table with a delivery date confirmed for the day before Thanksgiving. Clearly, we are last minute people around here. Professional procrastinators... or maybe I should say we work best under pressure! As my luck would have it, the chairs were delayed in Fort Worth and didn't make it until the day after Thanksgiving. And so we had this really beautiful, hand crafted, decorated with love table surrounded by folding chairs. I've learned not to let these things bother me. Not having dining room chairs is a real first world problem. Plus, we're all family anyway! I wanted to do something special for Thanksgiving aside from the usual meal and football. We always stand in a circle and give thanks for every meal, but I wanted to come up with a way that we could each give intentional thanks to God. Like all things, Thanksgiving was a holiday that was created with good intentions until America found a way to commercialize it. We all stand around a bountiful table and talk about how much we have and how thankful we are and then head out the next day to spend ourselves into debt buying a whole bunch of things we don't need because they're marked down to somewhat affordable prices. It's a given that I am thankful for my home and for food and for all of the tangible items I have. But those things really shouldn't be the basis of our gratitude, not if we're followers of Christ. And so I wanted to refocus my attention and heart and truly give God the thanks and praise He deserves. 

In 1623, when Governor Bradford issued his first Thanksgiving proclamation, he called "all ye pilgrims, with your wives and ye little ones... to listen to ye pastor and render thanksgiving to ye Almighty God for all His blessings." And a few hundred years later in 1863, Abraham Lincoln made Thanksgiving a national observance asking his fellow citizens in every part of the United States to set aside "a day of Thanksgiving and Praise to our beneficent Father who dwelleth in the Heavens." So that is what we did. I found a Bible verse of thanksgiving for each family member to read aloud and then asked them to share what they would like to thank God for. It didn't take long for the tears to begin falling. When I was a child I used to wonder why people would cry during hymns or worship songs or why they would get choked up talking about God. I have arrived, my friends! I now understand why. It's overwhelming to talk about someone who has been so sweet and good and faithful to you through all of life's ups and downs. And as I listened to each family member share what was laid on their heart, I wondered what I would say because it's really hard for me to pick just one thing. 

Daily bread. 

Give us this day our daily bread. 

This year I am extremely thankful for daily bread. For the fact that God is faithful to give me exactly what I need each day to get me through that day. I think about the Israelites in the desert gathering up the divine manna provided by the hand of God, and they were given the instruction to only take what they needed for the day because God would be faithful to rain down more the next. But some didn't listen and stored up for themselves, not really knowing but just estimating what they might need for tomorrow. Of course, Jesus reminds us that no one knows what tomorrow holds so it's best to be fully focused on today. And the truth is, none of us really know what we're going to need tomorrow. But we know we need sustenance to get through the day, and where else better to find it than from the one who faithfully keeps his promise to provide us with daily bread. 

There have been many days in 2018 that I have wondered how I would make it through each day. Not because this has been a bad year or a hard year. And not because I am struggling or burdened. It's been a great year, by all means. But like every year I've lived thus far, it's been a year full of the unexpected and the unknown. I have had to rely on God to give me what I need each and every day because what I need is not what comes naturally to me. I didn't expect to have a miscarriage this year. I expected to have a baby in October. And when it happened very early on, God was faithful to give me great perspective and peace that I probably wouldn't have had otherwise. And I didn't expect to lose my Nana this year. I knew it would happen one day, but I didn't expect it to happen when it did. On the day of her funeral, I woke up and wondered how I would get through the day with the responsibility of delivering her eulogy. I didn't even know how I would write one. But God gave me the words I needed and the comfort and ability to deliver them. I wasn't sure how I would feel about leaving my baby for the first time to take a much needed vacation. I really wanted to but I was also really nervous to be away from her. God gave me the peace and assurance that all would be well and blessed me with rest and rejuvenation. And when I found out I was pregnant and felt constantly nauseous and extremely exhausted for months on end, I wondered how I would take care of my family each day. But God gave me the energy and stamina I needed to get out of bed each morning and do what needed to be done. And each week as I've started at a blank page of paper and my Bible, I've prayed that God would give me a word to share on Sunday mornings with our college students. Each week He has been faithful to draw me in and teach me way more than I can even use in one lesson. When I am feeling unequipped, He equips me. When I am feeling overwhelmed, He rescues me. When I am feeling uncertain, He gives me direction. When the day is mundane and nothing big or noteworthy is taking place, He is still there providing for me exactly what I need, when I need it, and in the right amount necessary. 

I don't know what 2019 holds in store. I have a few ideas, but I also know that it will be full of unanticipated, unexpected, unplanned events. But the one thing I can count on is daily bread. That God will still be with me each day supplying what I need, when I need it. He is the sustenance, my Sustainer, and I am thankful for each day that He gives me bread. 

"Let them give thanks to the Lord for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for mankind, for he satisfies the thirsty and fills the hungry with good things." - Psalm 107:8-9