every ending brings a new beginning...
Well I'm only a week late writing to you this month, Annabeth. This last part of my pregnancy with baby sister has taken a toll on my body so when I have time to rest, that's exactly what I do. I am relishing these last few weeks of nap opportunities because I highly doubt I'll be able to get you two on the same napping schedule for a while. You don't ever want to take naps, and many people have made comments about how their children gave up naps around your age, but naps are non-negotiable right now. I'll keep putting you down for a nap as long as I can because naps are good for you, and they're good for me, too!
The moment I began telling people I was pregnant with you, they all said, "Cherish every moment! It goes by so fast!" I could have stayed pregnant with you forever because it was really easy. I was never sick, didn't swell, and honestly had none of the usual pregnancy symptoms aside from a growing belly. Come to find out, tiny babies are pretty easy to carry! I was shocked when the nurse said you weighted 5.5 pounds. I'm confident your sister is going to well surpass that number, and if she doesn't, I'll be just as surprised. Anyway, I felt like our first year together was a lot of work. Of course, all new babies are work, but I felt like you really made me work to gain your favor. I know it sounds odd, but I was confident that you didn't like me. I was never able to easily satisfy you like most moms can satisfy their babies. If you cried, it wasn't for me. You never acted like you missed me when I dropped you off at the nursery and you never acted excited to see me when I picked you up. You didn't want to snuggle me and pushed away my attempts at affection. One day I went up to the hospital to take something to your dad and was listening to a talk show on the radio while I drove. The guest was a mother whose every word seemed to match what I was feeling. She had written a book and before I got out of the car, I had it ordered and on its way. I found so much relief in her words and the fact that I wasn't alone in my feelings. Maybe I was overreacting, or maybe I was spot on. Either way, I knew I wanted the two of us to have a beautiful relationship and I wanted to be more than just the woman who gave birth to you, devoted her life to raising you, and then sent you off 18 years later only to hear from you on the holidays. I wanted to be your playmate, your confidant, your trusted adviser, your support system, and one day your friend.
And so we worked through year one together. It wasn't an easy year. I couldn't get you on a schedule and I was totally clueless. I couldn't read you at all. I think my maternal instincts were late to bloom. But for the emotional and relational challenges I faced, you were easy in so many other ways. You slept like a charm, and you still do. You never fussed about much outside of being bored, which was a bit of a challenge because I couldn't ever find a way to keep you entertained for longer than 5 seconds. Teething didn't bother you a bit. The only way I knew you were getting teeth was that you'd have a little fever for a day. And, on that note, you've hardly ever been sick. Even when you are sick, it's never been longer than 24 hours and it's usually just a fever. You had one light ear infection and hand-foot-mouth, and you handled them both really well with minimal complaints. But I think the thing you've always done remarkably well is that you've always adjusted seamlessly to change. We went through a lot of changes in your first year of life and none of them bothered you or threw off your schedule. Even now, with Daylight Savings being a week ago, you just adjusted yourself and it hasn't affected you at all. Being a flexible person, and one who easily accepts change, will work well for you in life. In fact, I'm hoping you'll adjust to the role of big sister as well as you've adjusted to the changes you've faced thus far. I'm sure it won't be easy, but I think you're going to do well!
God has really altered my personality in so many ways since becoming your mother. It's a good thing, too, because had I stayed the same, we probably wouldn't be getting along so well. God has given me patience like I can't believe. He has always altered my perspective when I needed it so that I didn't lose my cool (or my mind). He has shown me how to speak love to you, how to instruct and discipline you, and he has formed a beautiful bond between the two of us. In fact, all of those challenges I mentioned above have completely changed and we are the best of friends. You follow me every where, copy my every move, constantly hang on me, hug and kiss me, snuggle me (and on the mornings we can't snuggle, you cry about it), you run for me with screams of excitement when I pick you up from the nursery, we play together, and you seek me out for comfort when you're not feeling well, hurting, or scared. It melts my heart, really, to be so loved and admired. And I suppose that people were right when they said the time does fly by. Because, the truth is, I love each passing month with you more than the one before. And although you're just two, I can't believe our alone time together is almost over. I can't believe that in three weeks we'll have a new baby joining us on our adventures. I can't believe that you'll start a PDO program in the fall (this is probably the most bittersweet thing for me as far as changes are concerned). It really did fly by. Our time together has gone quickly, but you better believe I am thankful for each moment!
Life is full of changes, Annabeth, and just when you think you've adjusted and settled in to one, another will come your way. But regardless of what changes we face, we'll always have one another. You'll always be my first baby girl and I'll always be your mother. And what's even better than that is that we have a Heavenly Father who will walk with us and help us. Nothing will come our way that He hasn't approved of first, and no changes will occur that He can't successfully navigate us through. He's seen it all, and so even if it's new to us, we can rest assured that He'll know exactly what to do. Changes can be hard, but they can also be really, really good! And so we might be closing out a great chapter here, but every ending brings about a new beginning and I know this next one will be good!
The moment I began telling people I was pregnant with you, they all said, "Cherish every moment! It goes by so fast!" I could have stayed pregnant with you forever because it was really easy. I was never sick, didn't swell, and honestly had none of the usual pregnancy symptoms aside from a growing belly. Come to find out, tiny babies are pretty easy to carry! I was shocked when the nurse said you weighted 5.5 pounds. I'm confident your sister is going to well surpass that number, and if she doesn't, I'll be just as surprised. Anyway, I felt like our first year together was a lot of work. Of course, all new babies are work, but I felt like you really made me work to gain your favor. I know it sounds odd, but I was confident that you didn't like me. I was never able to easily satisfy you like most moms can satisfy their babies. If you cried, it wasn't for me. You never acted like you missed me when I dropped you off at the nursery and you never acted excited to see me when I picked you up. You didn't want to snuggle me and pushed away my attempts at affection. One day I went up to the hospital to take something to your dad and was listening to a talk show on the radio while I drove. The guest was a mother whose every word seemed to match what I was feeling. She had written a book and before I got out of the car, I had it ordered and on its way. I found so much relief in her words and the fact that I wasn't alone in my feelings. Maybe I was overreacting, or maybe I was spot on. Either way, I knew I wanted the two of us to have a beautiful relationship and I wanted to be more than just the woman who gave birth to you, devoted her life to raising you, and then sent you off 18 years later only to hear from you on the holidays. I wanted to be your playmate, your confidant, your trusted adviser, your support system, and one day your friend.
And so we worked through year one together. It wasn't an easy year. I couldn't get you on a schedule and I was totally clueless. I couldn't read you at all. I think my maternal instincts were late to bloom. But for the emotional and relational challenges I faced, you were easy in so many other ways. You slept like a charm, and you still do. You never fussed about much outside of being bored, which was a bit of a challenge because I couldn't ever find a way to keep you entertained for longer than 5 seconds. Teething didn't bother you a bit. The only way I knew you were getting teeth was that you'd have a little fever for a day. And, on that note, you've hardly ever been sick. Even when you are sick, it's never been longer than 24 hours and it's usually just a fever. You had one light ear infection and hand-foot-mouth, and you handled them both really well with minimal complaints. But I think the thing you've always done remarkably well is that you've always adjusted seamlessly to change. We went through a lot of changes in your first year of life and none of them bothered you or threw off your schedule. Even now, with Daylight Savings being a week ago, you just adjusted yourself and it hasn't affected you at all. Being a flexible person, and one who easily accepts change, will work well for you in life. In fact, I'm hoping you'll adjust to the role of big sister as well as you've adjusted to the changes you've faced thus far. I'm sure it won't be easy, but I think you're going to do well!
God has really altered my personality in so many ways since becoming your mother. It's a good thing, too, because had I stayed the same, we probably wouldn't be getting along so well. God has given me patience like I can't believe. He has always altered my perspective when I needed it so that I didn't lose my cool (or my mind). He has shown me how to speak love to you, how to instruct and discipline you, and he has formed a beautiful bond between the two of us. In fact, all of those challenges I mentioned above have completely changed and we are the best of friends. You follow me every where, copy my every move, constantly hang on me, hug and kiss me, snuggle me (and on the mornings we can't snuggle, you cry about it), you run for me with screams of excitement when I pick you up from the nursery, we play together, and you seek me out for comfort when you're not feeling well, hurting, or scared. It melts my heart, really, to be so loved and admired. And I suppose that people were right when they said the time does fly by. Because, the truth is, I love each passing month with you more than the one before. And although you're just two, I can't believe our alone time together is almost over. I can't believe that in three weeks we'll have a new baby joining us on our adventures. I can't believe that you'll start a PDO program in the fall (this is probably the most bittersweet thing for me as far as changes are concerned). It really did fly by. Our time together has gone quickly, but you better believe I am thankful for each moment!
Life is full of changes, Annabeth, and just when you think you've adjusted and settled in to one, another will come your way. But regardless of what changes we face, we'll always have one another. You'll always be my first baby girl and I'll always be your mother. And what's even better than that is that we have a Heavenly Father who will walk with us and help us. Nothing will come our way that He hasn't approved of first, and no changes will occur that He can't successfully navigate us through. He's seen it all, and so even if it's new to us, we can rest assured that He'll know exactly what to do. Changes can be hard, but they can also be really, really good! And so we might be closing out a great chapter here, but every ending brings about a new beginning and I know this next one will be good!
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