breastfed, bottle-fed... God doesn't care...
Well, I'm two weeks late writing to you, Madelyn. I think this will be the story of my life for a while. I've been meaning to write about your first month of life but I have trouble finding the time. When I lay your sister down for her nap, you usually wake up. And by the time everyone is settled and asleep for the night I have little to no energy or brain power. I finally found a good moment to sit down and write the other day and my computer wouldn't turn on. That's how things seem to go these days, but I realized the only person expecting me to write you a monthly letter was me and I've learned to take it easy on myself. After all, life with a toddler and a newborn requires flexibility.
Your first month of life has been so smooth and so fast! Technically, you're six weeks old but my days have blurred together so it's hard for me to believe we've already made it through a whole month together. You are a precious girl! You are sweet, easy going, and very laid back. You love to sleep, snuggle, and eat. Honestly, you're a lot like your mom. Those are a few of my favorite things to do, too! And you HATE being cold. I mean HATE it! In fact, that's really the only time you cry. Well, that and when you're hungry. You don't like to go longer than 3 hours between meals and just about every time you wake up, you're ready to eat. You gained two pounds during your first month, which is great! You've got cute, round, kissable cheeks, olive colored skin, brown (I think) hair, and dark blue eyes. You're beautiful, but that's no surprise to me! I knew you would be.
You've transitioned into our family beautifully. Naturally, like all second children, you really didn't have the opportunity not to. Your sister has set the pace and we all follow along. But I will say you've spoiled me quite a bit. You may experience a lot of "second child" scenarios, but you're getting a much better mother! I had no clue what I was doing when Annabeth was born. But you, you're a different story. You're also a totally different baby. You are easily content, easy to read, and you've already put yourself on a schedule. I didn't have any of that luck with Annabeth until she was about a year old. Once we got her on a schedule, we stuck to it! In fact, our evenings are very predictable because your dad and I are serious about bedtime. We have a nice little routine down and I wasn't sure how to work you into that. We have bathed Annabeth every single night of her life since her umbilical cord fell off. About a week after we came home from the hospital with you, I mentioned that we hadn't even bathed you once since your initial bath! Yikes! We have definitely dropped the "equality ball" a few times, but I'm finally getting it together and, with the assistance of your sister, you are now getting a bath every single night!
Honestly, the hardest thing we've dealt with since you've arrived has been health issues. You and I have struggled a little to get well, and I'm almost there if my blood pressure will ever return to normal. I had excruciating back pain for weeks after your arrival. It hurt to walk! I felt like my back was going to break with each step I took, and back issues don't jive well when caring for children. You were born via c-section, which is major surgery, and after most major surgeries the patient goes home and is waited on hand and foot while resting in bed... unless you're a mother. So what if your middle section was sliced open?! You have people to care for. I really wish I could have laid in bed with you all day for weeks, but we were up and moving quickly. You went to your first Chick-fil-A lunch date 4 days after your birth! About two weeks in, I noticed you had some gunk in your eyes. I took you to the pediatrician to make sure it wasn't infected and the lab work came back showing a trace of bacteria. She wanted to be sure there wasn't any infection in your blood so she sent us to the lab for a blood draw. I can handle shots, but the one thing that gets me every time is a blood draw. I almost pass out every time I have my blood taken so I wasn't sure how I was going to handle having yours drawn. I held you while they dug around in your tiny arm and it was miserable. You were a champ! I had to breathe slowly and give myself an internal pep talk the entire time while trying not to pass out! Mommas can handle a lot of personal pain, but the one thing this momma doesn't like is seeing her babies endure pain. Thankfully, your lab work looked great and after a few days of antibiotics, your eyes cleared up!
The one thing I had hoped to do with you was breastfeed. I tried to breastfeed your sister but it was total disaster. My body had gone through so much trauma after her birth that I think the last thing it was concerned with was producing milk. But I felt pretty confident with you. I was certain you were nursing well. You dropped weight at the hospital but that's totally normal. The pediatrician asked us to come in for a weight check on day 4 to make sure you didn't lose anymore. I laid you on the scale and when I saw a smaller number, I could have kicked it! Seriously?! The nurse said I needed to be sure you were eating every two hours for at least 30 minutes. Take a quick moment to do the math and you'll figure out that basically meant I would sit in a chair and feed you constantly. I left your appointment to go to my own and my blood pressure was 170/111. My OB said, "You need to rest! I think you might want to let Aaron take a shift during the night to feed her so you can sleep. You've got to get your blood pressure down!" So my dilemma was either work my way closer to having a stroke or give you a bottle. The truth is, even though I had already made that decision with your sister, it wasn't an easy one. We drove to the store and picked up a box of formula and I came home and cried in the shower.
It's silly, I know. I felt silly for crying. I wasn't as upset that I couldn't nurse you as I was about the fact that things weren't going smoothly as I had expected and assumed. I lamented through this whole breastfeeding issue with your sister and let it stress me for a few months, and I was determined I was not going to do that with you. And, I wasn't going to put our family through that. Because here's the thing, Madelyn, the world does not revolve around any one of us. It's so easy to focus on ourselves and forget that. To pick one thing and dwell on it as if it's life or death. And it's so easy to care about what other people might be thinking of us. About what other people say. About what other people do. But that's no way to live life. We're all faced with decisions, and I decided that it would be better for me to live and take care of my children than to potentially have a stroke trying to feed one person in my family one particular way. Especially when it's not the only option. Plus, you, your dad, and your sister weren't pressuring me one way or another. You just wanted and needed to eat. Your sister just wanted to have a happy momma. And your dad and I just wanted to get some rest so we could be good parents, spouses, and human beings! And as I prayed, "God, this is so dumb. Give me perspective," He did.
God doesn't care whether children are bottle fed or breastfed. He doesn't care what brand of clothing they wear or what type of diapers their moms choose. And yer it is so easy to get caught up in these things that don't matter. What does God care about, Madelyn? That we honor Him in all that we do. That we follow His ways. That we hold to His commands and obey His words. And the Bible doesn't tell us how to feed, dress, or diaper babies. But it does tell us to raise them in the fear and admonition of the Lord. It tells us to pass on His truths to each generation and to tell our children of His deeds. The Bible tells us that we should honor God in everything we do and do it as if we're doing it unto the Lord. And I was reminded that the thing God cares most about is that I feed you His word. He is honored when I don't starve you of the truth because I'm too focused on the wrong things. On things that have no eternal significance and, in the long run, don't matter. Because while those things might be good for your health or comfort, they won't save your soul. The concerns of this world are not going to walk you down that narrow road into the gates of Heaven.
I stood in the middle of my bedroom last night and swayed back and forth singing a collection of hymns over you. Your little eyes opened and closed as you fought back sleep. It didn't take long for you to give in, but I enjoyed every moment. God may or may not entrust me with another baby, so I am soaking up your newborn days in the event that they're the last ones I have. I always feel like hymns have a way of ushering in a little bit of Heaven, and as I sang those songs, my heart was thankful. Thankful for the promises of God and that they hold true. Thankful for the eternal life that is given to us through Jesus Christ when we accept Him as our Savior. That is my prayer for you and your sister. That you both come to know and love Him as your Savior. Because when we cling to Him, call on Him, and follow Him, no matter what our days on this earth may be like, or how many they number, we'll get to spend the rest of eternity together. And together, in His presence, is the best place to be!
Your first month of life has been so smooth and so fast! Technically, you're six weeks old but my days have blurred together so it's hard for me to believe we've already made it through a whole month together. You are a precious girl! You are sweet, easy going, and very laid back. You love to sleep, snuggle, and eat. Honestly, you're a lot like your mom. Those are a few of my favorite things to do, too! And you HATE being cold. I mean HATE it! In fact, that's really the only time you cry. Well, that and when you're hungry. You don't like to go longer than 3 hours between meals and just about every time you wake up, you're ready to eat. You gained two pounds during your first month, which is great! You've got cute, round, kissable cheeks, olive colored skin, brown (I think) hair, and dark blue eyes. You're beautiful, but that's no surprise to me! I knew you would be.
You've transitioned into our family beautifully. Naturally, like all second children, you really didn't have the opportunity not to. Your sister has set the pace and we all follow along. But I will say you've spoiled me quite a bit. You may experience a lot of "second child" scenarios, but you're getting a much better mother! I had no clue what I was doing when Annabeth was born. But you, you're a different story. You're also a totally different baby. You are easily content, easy to read, and you've already put yourself on a schedule. I didn't have any of that luck with Annabeth until she was about a year old. Once we got her on a schedule, we stuck to it! In fact, our evenings are very predictable because your dad and I are serious about bedtime. We have a nice little routine down and I wasn't sure how to work you into that. We have bathed Annabeth every single night of her life since her umbilical cord fell off. About a week after we came home from the hospital with you, I mentioned that we hadn't even bathed you once since your initial bath! Yikes! We have definitely dropped the "equality ball" a few times, but I'm finally getting it together and, with the assistance of your sister, you are now getting a bath every single night!
Honestly, the hardest thing we've dealt with since you've arrived has been health issues. You and I have struggled a little to get well, and I'm almost there if my blood pressure will ever return to normal. I had excruciating back pain for weeks after your arrival. It hurt to walk! I felt like my back was going to break with each step I took, and back issues don't jive well when caring for children. You were born via c-section, which is major surgery, and after most major surgeries the patient goes home and is waited on hand and foot while resting in bed... unless you're a mother. So what if your middle section was sliced open?! You have people to care for. I really wish I could have laid in bed with you all day for weeks, but we were up and moving quickly. You went to your first Chick-fil-A lunch date 4 days after your birth! About two weeks in, I noticed you had some gunk in your eyes. I took you to the pediatrician to make sure it wasn't infected and the lab work came back showing a trace of bacteria. She wanted to be sure there wasn't any infection in your blood so she sent us to the lab for a blood draw. I can handle shots, but the one thing that gets me every time is a blood draw. I almost pass out every time I have my blood taken so I wasn't sure how I was going to handle having yours drawn. I held you while they dug around in your tiny arm and it was miserable. You were a champ! I had to breathe slowly and give myself an internal pep talk the entire time while trying not to pass out! Mommas can handle a lot of personal pain, but the one thing this momma doesn't like is seeing her babies endure pain. Thankfully, your lab work looked great and after a few days of antibiotics, your eyes cleared up!
The one thing I had hoped to do with you was breastfeed. I tried to breastfeed your sister but it was total disaster. My body had gone through so much trauma after her birth that I think the last thing it was concerned with was producing milk. But I felt pretty confident with you. I was certain you were nursing well. You dropped weight at the hospital but that's totally normal. The pediatrician asked us to come in for a weight check on day 4 to make sure you didn't lose anymore. I laid you on the scale and when I saw a smaller number, I could have kicked it! Seriously?! The nurse said I needed to be sure you were eating every two hours for at least 30 minutes. Take a quick moment to do the math and you'll figure out that basically meant I would sit in a chair and feed you constantly. I left your appointment to go to my own and my blood pressure was 170/111. My OB said, "You need to rest! I think you might want to let Aaron take a shift during the night to feed her so you can sleep. You've got to get your blood pressure down!" So my dilemma was either work my way closer to having a stroke or give you a bottle. The truth is, even though I had already made that decision with your sister, it wasn't an easy one. We drove to the store and picked up a box of formula and I came home and cried in the shower.
It's silly, I know. I felt silly for crying. I wasn't as upset that I couldn't nurse you as I was about the fact that things weren't going smoothly as I had expected and assumed. I lamented through this whole breastfeeding issue with your sister and let it stress me for a few months, and I was determined I was not going to do that with you. And, I wasn't going to put our family through that. Because here's the thing, Madelyn, the world does not revolve around any one of us. It's so easy to focus on ourselves and forget that. To pick one thing and dwell on it as if it's life or death. And it's so easy to care about what other people might be thinking of us. About what other people say. About what other people do. But that's no way to live life. We're all faced with decisions, and I decided that it would be better for me to live and take care of my children than to potentially have a stroke trying to feed one person in my family one particular way. Especially when it's not the only option. Plus, you, your dad, and your sister weren't pressuring me one way or another. You just wanted and needed to eat. Your sister just wanted to have a happy momma. And your dad and I just wanted to get some rest so we could be good parents, spouses, and human beings! And as I prayed, "God, this is so dumb. Give me perspective," He did.
God doesn't care whether children are bottle fed or breastfed. He doesn't care what brand of clothing they wear or what type of diapers their moms choose. And yer it is so easy to get caught up in these things that don't matter. What does God care about, Madelyn? That we honor Him in all that we do. That we follow His ways. That we hold to His commands and obey His words. And the Bible doesn't tell us how to feed, dress, or diaper babies. But it does tell us to raise them in the fear and admonition of the Lord. It tells us to pass on His truths to each generation and to tell our children of His deeds. The Bible tells us that we should honor God in everything we do and do it as if we're doing it unto the Lord. And I was reminded that the thing God cares most about is that I feed you His word. He is honored when I don't starve you of the truth because I'm too focused on the wrong things. On things that have no eternal significance and, in the long run, don't matter. Because while those things might be good for your health or comfort, they won't save your soul. The concerns of this world are not going to walk you down that narrow road into the gates of Heaven.
I stood in the middle of my bedroom last night and swayed back and forth singing a collection of hymns over you. Your little eyes opened and closed as you fought back sleep. It didn't take long for you to give in, but I enjoyed every moment. God may or may not entrust me with another baby, so I am soaking up your newborn days in the event that they're the last ones I have. I always feel like hymns have a way of ushering in a little bit of Heaven, and as I sang those songs, my heart was thankful. Thankful for the promises of God and that they hold true. Thankful for the eternal life that is given to us through Jesus Christ when we accept Him as our Savior. That is my prayer for you and your sister. That you both come to know and love Him as your Savior. Because when we cling to Him, call on Him, and follow Him, no matter what our days on this earth may be like, or how many they number, we'll get to spend the rest of eternity together. And together, in His presence, is the best place to be!
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