preserves and provides...
Madelyn, we're half way through your first year of life. What in the world?! These past six months have been somewhat of a blur, honestly. Time passes so quickly, and I hardly feel like I can stay on top of it - thus I'm a week late writing you. But I'm making it before the end of the month (barely), so that counts. I really intended to get this done at the start of the week, yet every week seems to start and end at the same time and I'm always staring at Sunday night in disbelief.
I know I say this over and over again, but you bring so much joy to my heart. You have the best smiles. You're our strong, silent girl. Annabeth came into the world talking, but you're pretty quiet. However, when you do decide to speak up, you make sure you're heard. Your dad loves to make you laugh, and you'll open your little mouth as wide as you can without making a noise. Occasionally, a little giggle will make its way out. I think its hilarious! You still love kisses and snuggles. You're a strong gal and have quite the grip. You love to touch any and everything, especially faces. Beards are a favorite as are glasses. You can roll over but you don't seem to be too interested in doing it often. You are close to sitting unassisted but still need a little help. You prefer to stand and really like bouncers. You have a little bouncy chair and you can get that thing moving! You are a happy, agreeable gal most of the time unless you're sleepy or hungry. You like naps and going to bed on time. We've had a couple of nights of full sleep, and I'm hoping that trend will continue. You've taken the move from our room into yours decently well. We had a few nights of struggle, but I think you're getting used to the space. Honestly, I would have kept you in our room for a long time but I figured the longer you stayed the harder it would be for you to go. I also thought moving you, with the addition of adding food to your diet, might help you make it through the night, but you were not a fan of cereal and you don't seem to care too much for pureed food, either. Considering the amount of interest you show towards food when you watch us eat, I'm a little surprised. Maybe it's a texture thing? You just hold it in your mouth and look at me like, "what exactly do you want me to do with this?" We'll keep trying.
You've taken notice of Scout and always reach out in an attempt to pet her. She's let you a few times, and thus far, she's been very patient with your jaws of life grips on her fur. You love Annabeth and are amazed by her. She loves you, too, even though she doesn't always show it. You enjoy being outside, taking baths, and going on walks. You're up for just about anything, and I constantly find myself wavering between an eagerness to watch you grow and develop and trying not to rush through these fleeting days. I think a mother is always anxious for her first child to develop and reach milestones, but when the second baby comes, she realizes how quickly time passes and is in no particular rush to get there faster than necessary.
I took you to Walmart earlier in the week to do a little shopping. A seasoned mother bent over your stroller to elicit a smile from you. You obliged and she said, "Treasure this time. I swear my son was just her age, and I signed papers for him to join the service a few weeks ago." Every mother says this to me. I say it to every new mother. The secret and challenge of motherhood. We all know it passes too quickly, and we all wish we could turn back the hands of time and keep our babies for just a little longer. That's why, although I do look forward to the nights I will have uninterrupted sleep, I also don't mind waking to give you a bottle in the darkness. And that's why I let you snuggle down on my chest in the mid-afternoon quietness of nap time. Because I know these moments are so fleeting. I know that this time next year, your gummy smile will be gone and teeth will fill the gaps. Your little baby-fuzzy hair will be replaced by big-girl locks. Your sweet little rolls will have disappeared. You won't be taking bottles but will be feeding yourself. You'll be walking and talking and the days of diapers might very well be closing in on us. I know that I'm half way through with having a baby girl, and I don't really know how I feel about that.
You dad and I talked about the day that I go back to work. The day that you girls are big enough and independent enough that you don't need me. When you're in school and your time is occupied by others. The day when you'll spend more of your waking time away from our home than you will inside of it. When will that day come? What will it be like? When I quit working, I had a hard time imaging what life would be like without the structure of a job. Three years later, I'm having a hard time imaging what life will be like with the structure of one. Because this time and this season of life has been a real blessing. It hasn't come without sacrifice, I might add, but it's been worth it. And in all truthfulness, the sacrifices are small compared to the joy that comes with spending all of my time with you and Annabeth. Sure, I struggle with feelings of guilt and self-worth every now and then, but never with regret or doubt.
One of my favorite Bible teachers wrote a study on the Sabbath. I spent a few weeks this summer going through the study and was challenged in so many ways. For one, our society praises busy-ness, and so I took a step back and made the decision to begin saying "no" to things that were keeping me busy. They were all really great things, but they were tying up my time, taking me away from our family, and causing undue stress. This was hard for me, but I quickly discovered that I very much enjoyed not feeling overwhelmed and spread thin. After all, like I said, this time and season is precious and fleeting. I don't want to tie myself up in so many things that I end up missing out or not enjoying it. The second thing I read about was God's provision and preservation. This is what He commanded His people in Leviticus 25:
"Follow my decrees and be careful to obey my laws, and you will live safely in the land. Then the land will yield its fruit, and you will eat your fill and live there in safety. You may ask, "What will we eat in the seventh year if we do not plant or harvest our crops?" I will send you such a blessing in the sixth year that the land will yield enough for three years. While you plant during the eighth year, you will eat from the old crop and will continue to eat from it until the harvest of the ninth year comes in."
The people had been instructed to work the land and enjoy its fruits for six years and take off a year so they, and the land, could enjoy a sabbath. This not only gave them rest but caused them to trust God to take care of them. But notice that work was still involved. They were to be active and productive for 6 years before they took a year off. God had already done the miracle of raining down manna for them to eat in the desert, but now they had arrived to the Promised Land and it was time for them to hit the plow.
I graduated college in 2010 and your sister was born in 2016. I had been working consistently until the day she was born. God had walked me through my own wilderness and rained down manna for me to not only survive but to thrive, and I felt like the day I married your dad, I had stepped foot into the Promised Land. We began saving for the day that we would finally become parents. We didn't know when that would happen but we knew it would. And so for three years, we put money into a savings account that was earmarked for financial support should we need it after I quit my job. Now, I wasn't 100% sure I wouldn't work, but I didn't want to arrive at the decision and not have a choice. The day came for me to make a decision about returning to work, and it wasn't hard one to make. I was a little nervous to let go of the financial comfort an additional paycheck gives, but I trusted that God would take care of us.
Three years later, I read over the words in Exodus and my heart rejoiced as I realized that God is not only faithful to provide, but to preserve. Notice the instructions in Exodus. The Israelites would gather enough food to last for three years. This was long before the invention of the deep freeze, preservatives, or vacuum sealed packaging. The fact that their food would still be good after three years was a complete miracle of God. Even today, that would take a miracle! Not only was He providing enough for them, but He was sure to preserve what He provided so that they could continue to live safely in the land He had given them. They just had to follow, obey, and trust. God would take care of the rest.
This is our job, Madelyn. Follow, obey, trust. Even when it doesn't make sense. Even if our decision isn't popular or widely supported. Even if it seems illogical or impossible. There are days that I think, "maybe I need to find a way to help bring in extra income." Maybe I need a side job or a talent or craft I can sell to make money. Because my human mind starts looking at numbers and price tags and then my flesh thinks a new car might be nice or a big vacation would be fun, but God whispers to me, "This is your Sabbath. This is your gift. This is your season of rest. You have labored and worked and harvested, and I have blessed. I have provided. I will preserve. You need to trust."
And so when God give you a Sabbath, sweet girl, take it. Enjoy it. Trust Him. There will come a day the Sabbath ends and the work begins. But in the meantime, rejoice in the harvest you've received.
I know I say this over and over again, but you bring so much joy to my heart. You have the best smiles. You're our strong, silent girl. Annabeth came into the world talking, but you're pretty quiet. However, when you do decide to speak up, you make sure you're heard. Your dad loves to make you laugh, and you'll open your little mouth as wide as you can without making a noise. Occasionally, a little giggle will make its way out. I think its hilarious! You still love kisses and snuggles. You're a strong gal and have quite the grip. You love to touch any and everything, especially faces. Beards are a favorite as are glasses. You can roll over but you don't seem to be too interested in doing it often. You are close to sitting unassisted but still need a little help. You prefer to stand and really like bouncers. You have a little bouncy chair and you can get that thing moving! You are a happy, agreeable gal most of the time unless you're sleepy or hungry. You like naps and going to bed on time. We've had a couple of nights of full sleep, and I'm hoping that trend will continue. You've taken the move from our room into yours decently well. We had a few nights of struggle, but I think you're getting used to the space. Honestly, I would have kept you in our room for a long time but I figured the longer you stayed the harder it would be for you to go. I also thought moving you, with the addition of adding food to your diet, might help you make it through the night, but you were not a fan of cereal and you don't seem to care too much for pureed food, either. Considering the amount of interest you show towards food when you watch us eat, I'm a little surprised. Maybe it's a texture thing? You just hold it in your mouth and look at me like, "what exactly do you want me to do with this?" We'll keep trying.
You've taken notice of Scout and always reach out in an attempt to pet her. She's let you a few times, and thus far, she's been very patient with your jaws of life grips on her fur. You love Annabeth and are amazed by her. She loves you, too, even though she doesn't always show it. You enjoy being outside, taking baths, and going on walks. You're up for just about anything, and I constantly find myself wavering between an eagerness to watch you grow and develop and trying not to rush through these fleeting days. I think a mother is always anxious for her first child to develop and reach milestones, but when the second baby comes, she realizes how quickly time passes and is in no particular rush to get there faster than necessary.
I took you to Walmart earlier in the week to do a little shopping. A seasoned mother bent over your stroller to elicit a smile from you. You obliged and she said, "Treasure this time. I swear my son was just her age, and I signed papers for him to join the service a few weeks ago." Every mother says this to me. I say it to every new mother. The secret and challenge of motherhood. We all know it passes too quickly, and we all wish we could turn back the hands of time and keep our babies for just a little longer. That's why, although I do look forward to the nights I will have uninterrupted sleep, I also don't mind waking to give you a bottle in the darkness. And that's why I let you snuggle down on my chest in the mid-afternoon quietness of nap time. Because I know these moments are so fleeting. I know that this time next year, your gummy smile will be gone and teeth will fill the gaps. Your little baby-fuzzy hair will be replaced by big-girl locks. Your sweet little rolls will have disappeared. You won't be taking bottles but will be feeding yourself. You'll be walking and talking and the days of diapers might very well be closing in on us. I know that I'm half way through with having a baby girl, and I don't really know how I feel about that.
You dad and I talked about the day that I go back to work. The day that you girls are big enough and independent enough that you don't need me. When you're in school and your time is occupied by others. The day when you'll spend more of your waking time away from our home than you will inside of it. When will that day come? What will it be like? When I quit working, I had a hard time imaging what life would be like without the structure of a job. Three years later, I'm having a hard time imaging what life will be like with the structure of one. Because this time and this season of life has been a real blessing. It hasn't come without sacrifice, I might add, but it's been worth it. And in all truthfulness, the sacrifices are small compared to the joy that comes with spending all of my time with you and Annabeth. Sure, I struggle with feelings of guilt and self-worth every now and then, but never with regret or doubt.
One of my favorite Bible teachers wrote a study on the Sabbath. I spent a few weeks this summer going through the study and was challenged in so many ways. For one, our society praises busy-ness, and so I took a step back and made the decision to begin saying "no" to things that were keeping me busy. They were all really great things, but they were tying up my time, taking me away from our family, and causing undue stress. This was hard for me, but I quickly discovered that I very much enjoyed not feeling overwhelmed and spread thin. After all, like I said, this time and season is precious and fleeting. I don't want to tie myself up in so many things that I end up missing out or not enjoying it. The second thing I read about was God's provision and preservation. This is what He commanded His people in Leviticus 25:
"Follow my decrees and be careful to obey my laws, and you will live safely in the land. Then the land will yield its fruit, and you will eat your fill and live there in safety. You may ask, "What will we eat in the seventh year if we do not plant or harvest our crops?" I will send you such a blessing in the sixth year that the land will yield enough for three years. While you plant during the eighth year, you will eat from the old crop and will continue to eat from it until the harvest of the ninth year comes in."
The people had been instructed to work the land and enjoy its fruits for six years and take off a year so they, and the land, could enjoy a sabbath. This not only gave them rest but caused them to trust God to take care of them. But notice that work was still involved. They were to be active and productive for 6 years before they took a year off. God had already done the miracle of raining down manna for them to eat in the desert, but now they had arrived to the Promised Land and it was time for them to hit the plow.
I graduated college in 2010 and your sister was born in 2016. I had been working consistently until the day she was born. God had walked me through my own wilderness and rained down manna for me to not only survive but to thrive, and I felt like the day I married your dad, I had stepped foot into the Promised Land. We began saving for the day that we would finally become parents. We didn't know when that would happen but we knew it would. And so for three years, we put money into a savings account that was earmarked for financial support should we need it after I quit my job. Now, I wasn't 100% sure I wouldn't work, but I didn't want to arrive at the decision and not have a choice. The day came for me to make a decision about returning to work, and it wasn't hard one to make. I was a little nervous to let go of the financial comfort an additional paycheck gives, but I trusted that God would take care of us.
Three years later, I read over the words in Exodus and my heart rejoiced as I realized that God is not only faithful to provide, but to preserve. Notice the instructions in Exodus. The Israelites would gather enough food to last for three years. This was long before the invention of the deep freeze, preservatives, or vacuum sealed packaging. The fact that their food would still be good after three years was a complete miracle of God. Even today, that would take a miracle! Not only was He providing enough for them, but He was sure to preserve what He provided so that they could continue to live safely in the land He had given them. They just had to follow, obey, and trust. God would take care of the rest.
This is our job, Madelyn. Follow, obey, trust. Even when it doesn't make sense. Even if our decision isn't popular or widely supported. Even if it seems illogical or impossible. There are days that I think, "maybe I need to find a way to help bring in extra income." Maybe I need a side job or a talent or craft I can sell to make money. Because my human mind starts looking at numbers and price tags and then my flesh thinks a new car might be nice or a big vacation would be fun, but God whispers to me, "This is your Sabbath. This is your gift. This is your season of rest. You have labored and worked and harvested, and I have blessed. I have provided. I will preserve. You need to trust."
And so when God give you a Sabbath, sweet girl, take it. Enjoy it. Trust Him. There will come a day the Sabbath ends and the work begins. But in the meantime, rejoice in the harvest you've received.
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