cry it out...
Well here I am again, Madelyn, cutting it close to getting your seventh month letter written. We are less than 2 hours away from the end of the month. Yikes! In my defense, however, October has been a booger of a month. Most of the month, someone in our house has been sick. And when we weren't sick, we were busy celebrating birthdays. And in the midst of the sickness and celebration, your dad and I were able to take a much needed trip out of town. So it's been hectic to say the least.
Today was your first Halloween. I've never been a huge participant in Halloween, so I'm interested to see how you girls feel about the holiday. Annabeth was really excited about it, and this was her first year to trick or treat. You went with us, so I guess it's technically your first year, too. But I didn't go all out on costumes. I dressed you in a cute little pumpkin outfit, but it was quite chilly so I came up with a last minute "costume" for you to wear out. My mom saved a red coat and matching bonnet that I wore as a baby, so you were a baby me. It was a little big on you, but it kept you toasty! Next year, we'll come up with something fun and cute! You might even get to enjoy a few pieces of candy!
You and I had a big moment this month. We spent a few days apart for the very first time, and you did well! As much as I enjoyed the time away with your dad, I was also really glad to be back home with you and Annabeth. You've hit some big milestones this month. You have a tiny little tooth poking through your bottom gums. Your first tooth! You started eating purees, and so far you've been a fan of just about everything you've tried. I love watching you eat. You get so excited and open your little mouth as wide as it will go. I can't wait for you to try finger foods. Those are the best!
You haven't tried to crawl whatsoever, but you love to stand. You really love your bouncer and can get moving in that thing. You roll back and forth really well, and you're starting to balance yourself when you sit. I never rushed things with Annabeth, and I'm not rushing them with you, either. I have learned that babies will accomplish things when they accomplish them. You are a strong girl! You are so cute and happy about 95% of the time, but when you're tired or upset, you make no bones about it. We don't have to guess when you're mad. You have a quiet voice but a cry that could wake the neighbors. It comes with big crocodile tears... and lots of them. And bubbles, too. You love blowing bubbles, even when you're unhappy. I think it's so funny!
I had to take you back to the doctor earlier in the week to get a shot, and you were ticked about it. You absolutely hate shots. They make you madder than a hornet. And trust me, I hate watching you get shots. Not many things make my heart race faster than hearing my children scream and cry. Most of your cries are easily resolved with a bottle or being held, but sometimes I don't have a quick fix and those moments are really hard.
"You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book." - Psalm 56:8
The love of a parent. It is so deep, Madelyn. I could never describe how much I love you and Annabeth. Someone once said that having children was like having a piece of your heart walk around outside of your body. I understand that now. No matter how old you are or where life takes you, you hold a piece of my heart. And as your mother, I've collected and recorded a lot of things. I've kept little outfits that you can no longer wear because they're so precious and remind me of when you were so tiny and new. I've kept record of milestones and not only written record but videos and pictures to document monumental moments. And to me, your mother, everything is monumental. Our lives are so intertwined and connected that so many little moments of your life have already been seared into my brain and I'll remember things you never will. Things that affect you affect me. That's how love works, you know. When you're happy, my heart is thrilled. When you cry in pain, my heart hurts.
I would love to find a way to ensure you could make it through life without ever crying. I think every parent wishes that for their child. But tears aren't always a bad thing. Of course, they're no fun when they're streaming from your eyes, but God has a way of using those moments to grow us and teach us. Sure, it would be nice if he would just stop it. Just take the pain away or remove the hurt or don't even let that problem arise in the first place. It would be great if sorrow didn't exist. If hurt and fear and worry and all of those emotions that bring tears to our eyes would just disappear. If there was just a quick fix, you know. A way to turn sad into happy really quick. But sometimes we find ourselves just crying it out and wondering when and if things will ever get better.
Yet God sees. He takes record, Madelyn. He collects each tear. He loves you. He is your Heavenly Father and He knows you. And the things that affect you do not go unnoticed by God. Sometimes it is a quick fix. Sometimes it's not. Sometimes it's for our good, even though it doesn't feel like it at the moment. And sometimes, it's just growing pains. But the Lord notices. And He promises that this won't be the case forever. That one day, "God himself will be with [us]. He will wipe away every tear from [our] eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever." (Revelation 21:3-4)
I am so thankful that you are happy. That your little tears can usually be silenced with a momma's touch. That they don't typically last long and smiles are always near. But I am also thankful to know that God notices them, too. Hungry tears, sad tears, angry tears, scared tears, happy tears. He's keeping track. And the beauty of giving your tears to God is that "those who plant in tears will harvest with joy." (Psalm 126:5)
Today was your first Halloween. I've never been a huge participant in Halloween, so I'm interested to see how you girls feel about the holiday. Annabeth was really excited about it, and this was her first year to trick or treat. You went with us, so I guess it's technically your first year, too. But I didn't go all out on costumes. I dressed you in a cute little pumpkin outfit, but it was quite chilly so I came up with a last minute "costume" for you to wear out. My mom saved a red coat and matching bonnet that I wore as a baby, so you were a baby me. It was a little big on you, but it kept you toasty! Next year, we'll come up with something fun and cute! You might even get to enjoy a few pieces of candy!
You and I had a big moment this month. We spent a few days apart for the very first time, and you did well! As much as I enjoyed the time away with your dad, I was also really glad to be back home with you and Annabeth. You've hit some big milestones this month. You have a tiny little tooth poking through your bottom gums. Your first tooth! You started eating purees, and so far you've been a fan of just about everything you've tried. I love watching you eat. You get so excited and open your little mouth as wide as it will go. I can't wait for you to try finger foods. Those are the best!
You haven't tried to crawl whatsoever, but you love to stand. You really love your bouncer and can get moving in that thing. You roll back and forth really well, and you're starting to balance yourself when you sit. I never rushed things with Annabeth, and I'm not rushing them with you, either. I have learned that babies will accomplish things when they accomplish them. You are a strong girl! You are so cute and happy about 95% of the time, but when you're tired or upset, you make no bones about it. We don't have to guess when you're mad. You have a quiet voice but a cry that could wake the neighbors. It comes with big crocodile tears... and lots of them. And bubbles, too. You love blowing bubbles, even when you're unhappy. I think it's so funny!
I had to take you back to the doctor earlier in the week to get a shot, and you were ticked about it. You absolutely hate shots. They make you madder than a hornet. And trust me, I hate watching you get shots. Not many things make my heart race faster than hearing my children scream and cry. Most of your cries are easily resolved with a bottle or being held, but sometimes I don't have a quick fix and those moments are really hard.
"You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book." - Psalm 56:8
The love of a parent. It is so deep, Madelyn. I could never describe how much I love you and Annabeth. Someone once said that having children was like having a piece of your heart walk around outside of your body. I understand that now. No matter how old you are or where life takes you, you hold a piece of my heart. And as your mother, I've collected and recorded a lot of things. I've kept little outfits that you can no longer wear because they're so precious and remind me of when you were so tiny and new. I've kept record of milestones and not only written record but videos and pictures to document monumental moments. And to me, your mother, everything is monumental. Our lives are so intertwined and connected that so many little moments of your life have already been seared into my brain and I'll remember things you never will. Things that affect you affect me. That's how love works, you know. When you're happy, my heart is thrilled. When you cry in pain, my heart hurts.
I would love to find a way to ensure you could make it through life without ever crying. I think every parent wishes that for their child. But tears aren't always a bad thing. Of course, they're no fun when they're streaming from your eyes, but God has a way of using those moments to grow us and teach us. Sure, it would be nice if he would just stop it. Just take the pain away or remove the hurt or don't even let that problem arise in the first place. It would be great if sorrow didn't exist. If hurt and fear and worry and all of those emotions that bring tears to our eyes would just disappear. If there was just a quick fix, you know. A way to turn sad into happy really quick. But sometimes we find ourselves just crying it out and wondering when and if things will ever get better.
Yet God sees. He takes record, Madelyn. He collects each tear. He loves you. He is your Heavenly Father and He knows you. And the things that affect you do not go unnoticed by God. Sometimes it is a quick fix. Sometimes it's not. Sometimes it's for our good, even though it doesn't feel like it at the moment. And sometimes, it's just growing pains. But the Lord notices. And He promises that this won't be the case forever. That one day, "God himself will be with [us]. He will wipe away every tear from [our] eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever." (Revelation 21:3-4)
I am so thankful that you are happy. That your little tears can usually be silenced with a momma's touch. That they don't typically last long and smiles are always near. But I am also thankful to know that God notices them, too. Hungry tears, sad tears, angry tears, scared tears, happy tears. He's keeping track. And the beauty of giving your tears to God is that "those who plant in tears will harvest with joy." (Psalm 126:5)
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