divorced is what I was, not who I am...
I sat on my parents' couch in the middle of the night. It was 2:00AM. The first day of October. Well, that's when the news broke, so by this point it was technically October 2. Everyone knows a phone call in the middle of the night contains bad news. The thing no parent wants to hear is the sound of a sobbing child on the other end. My dad's sleepy voice answered with concern.
"Can I come over?" I managed to get the words out between sobs.
"Yes!"
"Good, I'm almost there."
It was a few minutes drive, and it quickly became no mystery as why they felt the leading of the Lord to sale our family home and move towns earlier in the year. Both of my parents met me at the back door.
"What's wrong?" Panic and worry painted their tired faces.
I stood in the living room wearing an oversized t-shirt and little pajama shorts that I probably couldn't currently get one leg through if I tried.
"He's leaving. He said he wants a divorce."
They looked at me. Stunned. No one was more shocked than I was though.
We'd had our fair share of heart talks through the years. If there was one thing my parents learned well, it was how to comfort. They had counseled me through many disappointments and let downs, always with the assurance that things would turn out fine. And they were always right. Things found a way of working themselves out just fine. But this was a curve ball.
My mom wrapped her arms around me and I soaked her pajamas with my tears. We talked for a few hours and they assured me that I would get through this. This pending threat wasn't a certainty yet. Things could change. God was faithful. He is a miracle worker. He would get me through this and it would be okay.
They were right. Just not in the way I expected.
I went to church the next morning running on maybe an hour of sleep and wore my glasses with hopes that it would help disguise my swollen eyes. It would have been fine if I could have been there as an attendee, but for the first time in my life, I was teaching a Sunday school class. I had volunteered to fill in for the teachers. Go figure! I didn't realize at the time that this was a foreshadowing of what was to come. A little glimpse of one of the many things God would use to heal my heart and restore my life. I don't remember what I taught on that morning. I just remember how much I hoped this wasn't happening. How I hoped it was just a bad dream. Maybe I would wake up and life would go back to normal. To the life I had built. According to my plan. Created by my will.
"Unless the Lord builds a house, the work of the builders is wasted." - Psalm 127:1
Leveled.
Shaken to the foundation.
I wondered, "Lord, if you really wanted to be glorified in this situation, if you really wanted your power to be made known, then divorce doesn't seem like the right answer."
I figured the only option available to God was restoration. I mean, I was a Christian, after all. Isn't that how it works? If I got divorced, what would people think? Would they think I didn't have enough faith? That I was okay with this? That I wasn't trying? That I wasn't really a follower of Christ? That God wasn't powerful enough to repair a broken relationship? That He doesn't answer prayers?
But God answered my prayers. He was faithful. He was glorified and His power was on display. I learned that it is a miracle when a broken marriage is repaired and saved from divorce. And I learned that it is a miracle when a person goes through a divorce and continues to trust and cling to God. When one, whose heart has been shattered in a million pieces, continues to purse God even though their prayers aren't being answered in the ways they've prayed. When one allows God to do a hard work in their life, refining, reshaping, and transforming them, and is no longer bitter or angry but full of gratitude a joy - it's a miracle. And it's a miracle of God when someone has been so deeply wounded and yet is able to forgive and move forward with a heart of compassion and grace.
I sat in the same church today that I sat in 8 years ago, but I was leading a ladies' small group this time. Not as a failure, but as a picture of redemption. An example of how God takes broken things and makes them beautiful. Because divorced is what I was, not who I am. A thing that happened, not a way of life. And if there's one thing I've learned, God is the God of second chances and is in the business of making all things new. New opportunities. New blessings. New gifts. And new mercies every day.
"Can I come over?" I managed to get the words out between sobs.
"Yes!"
"Good, I'm almost there."
It was a few minutes drive, and it quickly became no mystery as why they felt the leading of the Lord to sale our family home and move towns earlier in the year. Both of my parents met me at the back door.
"What's wrong?" Panic and worry painted their tired faces.
I stood in the living room wearing an oversized t-shirt and little pajama shorts that I probably couldn't currently get one leg through if I tried.
"He's leaving. He said he wants a divorce."
They looked at me. Stunned. No one was more shocked than I was though.
We'd had our fair share of heart talks through the years. If there was one thing my parents learned well, it was how to comfort. They had counseled me through many disappointments and let downs, always with the assurance that things would turn out fine. And they were always right. Things found a way of working themselves out just fine. But this was a curve ball.
My mom wrapped her arms around me and I soaked her pajamas with my tears. We talked for a few hours and they assured me that I would get through this. This pending threat wasn't a certainty yet. Things could change. God was faithful. He is a miracle worker. He would get me through this and it would be okay.
They were right. Just not in the way I expected.
I went to church the next morning running on maybe an hour of sleep and wore my glasses with hopes that it would help disguise my swollen eyes. It would have been fine if I could have been there as an attendee, but for the first time in my life, I was teaching a Sunday school class. I had volunteered to fill in for the teachers. Go figure! I didn't realize at the time that this was a foreshadowing of what was to come. A little glimpse of one of the many things God would use to heal my heart and restore my life. I don't remember what I taught on that morning. I just remember how much I hoped this wasn't happening. How I hoped it was just a bad dream. Maybe I would wake up and life would go back to normal. To the life I had built. According to my plan. Created by my will.
"Unless the Lord builds a house, the work of the builders is wasted." - Psalm 127:1
Leveled.
Shaken to the foundation.
I wondered, "Lord, if you really wanted to be glorified in this situation, if you really wanted your power to be made known, then divorce doesn't seem like the right answer."
I figured the only option available to God was restoration. I mean, I was a Christian, after all. Isn't that how it works? If I got divorced, what would people think? Would they think I didn't have enough faith? That I was okay with this? That I wasn't trying? That I wasn't really a follower of Christ? That God wasn't powerful enough to repair a broken relationship? That He doesn't answer prayers?
But God answered my prayers. He was faithful. He was glorified and His power was on display. I learned that it is a miracle when a broken marriage is repaired and saved from divorce. And I learned that it is a miracle when a person goes through a divorce and continues to trust and cling to God. When one, whose heart has been shattered in a million pieces, continues to purse God even though their prayers aren't being answered in the ways they've prayed. When one allows God to do a hard work in their life, refining, reshaping, and transforming them, and is no longer bitter or angry but full of gratitude a joy - it's a miracle. And it's a miracle of God when someone has been so deeply wounded and yet is able to forgive and move forward with a heart of compassion and grace.
I sat in the same church today that I sat in 8 years ago, but I was leading a ladies' small group this time. Not as a failure, but as a picture of redemption. An example of how God takes broken things and makes them beautiful. Because divorced is what I was, not who I am. A thing that happened, not a way of life. And if there's one thing I've learned, God is the God of second chances and is in the business of making all things new. New opportunities. New blessings. New gifts. And new mercies every day.
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