trust issues...
I cracked my bible open to Ezekiel as I sat outside in the evening sunlight. The sun was setting, so the rays were warm. Not too hot, just right. A perfect summer night. Those are coming to an end, you know. It will be fall next month even though it feels like summer just arrived. There is just something I love about summer. Summer nights make the top of the list, and so I decided to take advantage of it. To sit and enjoy the weather that would soon be gone. To soak up with rays as I soaked up God's word.
I've learned a lot about God's word as I've been working my way through it. More than anything, I've learned that God always meets me right where I am and speaks exactly what I need to hear. It doesn't matter what I'm reading, whether it's the first time or the hundredth time I've read it, He never fails to show me new truths. To challenge me. To remind me of His love for me. But I've also learned that it's more than simply opening the pages and reading the words to get through them. It's the expectation of finding Him there. Of going with a heart that desires to learn. Of seeking Him. So each time I open God's word, I pray, "Lord, speak to me. Show me your truths." I never know what He'll say, but I know He'll say something.
"But Egypt will remain and unimportant, minor kingdom. It will be the lowliest of all the nations, never again great enough to rise above its neighbors. Then Israel will no longer be tempted to trust in Egypt for help." - Ezekiel 29:1-16
Israel suffered from trust issues. They trusted in Egypt. Egypt was impressive, no doubt, and so it seemed easy to place their trust in a powerful, wealthy nation. A nation that had ruled them for hundreds of years, and yet even after being freed by God, they were still tempted to go back. It was easier to trust in the tangible, the logical, than it was to trust in a God who didn't always work things out according to their plan. It was easier to trust in a nation that could respond to their flesh with instant gratification than in a God who might make them deny themselves, wait on Him, and follow His ways. It was easier to trust in the seen than the unseen, so that's what they did. But Egypt would only let them down. Egypt would only fail Israel. They would never have Israel's best interest at heart. They would never truly care for, sufficiently provide for, or passionately love Israel. They would never do for, or be to, Israel what God would, so God removed the temptation because He loved Israel more than they loved themselves. Trusting in Egypt would only lead to death. Trusting in God would lead to life.
I used to trust in myself a lot. Who am I kidding, I still find myself struggling not to. I trusted in the reputation I had. It was my Egypt. I put a lot of stock in it. I felt that because I had been able to establish this "blemish free" lifestyle, I'd be okay. Nothing bad could possibly happen. If I could just keep doing everything "right," according to my standards, then life should be good. Life should go well. Life should add up. At least, that's what I thought. But I'm an Israel, quick to trust in other things than in our never-failing God.
Imagine my surprise when all of the sudden the reputation I had built up, the one I had worked so hard on for 24 years, my Egypt, was ruined. No longer could I trust in that. No longer could I say, "Hey, look at this awesome record I've been able to maintain. It will successfully carry me through life." It was destroyed in the one way I never imagined. The one way that was totally out of my control, and I was devastated. What was I going to do if I could no longer be the girl I always was? Who was I now? What was I now? What would people think? How disappointed would they be? Because for 24 years I had really relied on who I was, on this image I had created for myself, to carry me through life. Trusting in God wasn't always my first plan. And until I began feeling like the "lowliest," did I realize that trusting in God was the best plan.
Trusting in God isn't always easy. Trust requires faith, and faith requires letting go. Trusting God means that you don't always know the answers. You don't always know what's next. Trusting God means you may not necessarily get what you want or always have things your way. It means you may be challenged, you may face difficult moments, you may have to give up certain things or step outside of your comfort zone. But when we trust in God, we are never put to shame. Because God loves us more than we love ourselves. His concern for us runs deep, and His compassion is wide. And he sees the full picture. He knows what's best, even if it doesn't make sense to us. He has a plan, and it's better, and bigger, than our own. And so we lay it down, whatever it is, and we stop trusting in anything else but God. We stop trusting in our titles, our money, our possessions, other people. We realize that the only one worthy of our trust, the only one we can truly trust, is God. Because He never fails, He never forgets, and He always leads us to life.
"Those who trust in the Lord are as secure as Mount Zion; they will not be defeated but will endure forever." - Psalm 125:1
I've learned a lot about God's word as I've been working my way through it. More than anything, I've learned that God always meets me right where I am and speaks exactly what I need to hear. It doesn't matter what I'm reading, whether it's the first time or the hundredth time I've read it, He never fails to show me new truths. To challenge me. To remind me of His love for me. But I've also learned that it's more than simply opening the pages and reading the words to get through them. It's the expectation of finding Him there. Of going with a heart that desires to learn. Of seeking Him. So each time I open God's word, I pray, "Lord, speak to me. Show me your truths." I never know what He'll say, but I know He'll say something.
"But Egypt will remain and unimportant, minor kingdom. It will be the lowliest of all the nations, never again great enough to rise above its neighbors. Then Israel will no longer be tempted to trust in Egypt for help." - Ezekiel 29:1-16
Israel suffered from trust issues. They trusted in Egypt. Egypt was impressive, no doubt, and so it seemed easy to place their trust in a powerful, wealthy nation. A nation that had ruled them for hundreds of years, and yet even after being freed by God, they were still tempted to go back. It was easier to trust in the tangible, the logical, than it was to trust in a God who didn't always work things out according to their plan. It was easier to trust in a nation that could respond to their flesh with instant gratification than in a God who might make them deny themselves, wait on Him, and follow His ways. It was easier to trust in the seen than the unseen, so that's what they did. But Egypt would only let them down. Egypt would only fail Israel. They would never have Israel's best interest at heart. They would never truly care for, sufficiently provide for, or passionately love Israel. They would never do for, or be to, Israel what God would, so God removed the temptation because He loved Israel more than they loved themselves. Trusting in Egypt would only lead to death. Trusting in God would lead to life.
I used to trust in myself a lot. Who am I kidding, I still find myself struggling not to. I trusted in the reputation I had. It was my Egypt. I put a lot of stock in it. I felt that because I had been able to establish this "blemish free" lifestyle, I'd be okay. Nothing bad could possibly happen. If I could just keep doing everything "right," according to my standards, then life should be good. Life should go well. Life should add up. At least, that's what I thought. But I'm an Israel, quick to trust in other things than in our never-failing God.
Imagine my surprise when all of the sudden the reputation I had built up, the one I had worked so hard on for 24 years, my Egypt, was ruined. No longer could I trust in that. No longer could I say, "Hey, look at this awesome record I've been able to maintain. It will successfully carry me through life." It was destroyed in the one way I never imagined. The one way that was totally out of my control, and I was devastated. What was I going to do if I could no longer be the girl I always was? Who was I now? What was I now? What would people think? How disappointed would they be? Because for 24 years I had really relied on who I was, on this image I had created for myself, to carry me through life. Trusting in God wasn't always my first plan. And until I began feeling like the "lowliest," did I realize that trusting in God was the best plan.
Trusting in God isn't always easy. Trust requires faith, and faith requires letting go. Trusting God means that you don't always know the answers. You don't always know what's next. Trusting God means you may not necessarily get what you want or always have things your way. It means you may be challenged, you may face difficult moments, you may have to give up certain things or step outside of your comfort zone. But when we trust in God, we are never put to shame. Because God loves us more than we love ourselves. His concern for us runs deep, and His compassion is wide. And he sees the full picture. He knows what's best, even if it doesn't make sense to us. He has a plan, and it's better, and bigger, than our own. And so we lay it down, whatever it is, and we stop trusting in anything else but God. We stop trusting in our titles, our money, our possessions, other people. We realize that the only one worthy of our trust, the only one we can truly trust, is God. Because He never fails, He never forgets, and He always leads us to life.
"Those who trust in the Lord are as secure as Mount Zion; they will not be defeated but will endure forever." - Psalm 125:1
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