when "I do" turns into "I don't"...
I remember it as if it happened yesterday. My father walked me down the aisle, towards my teary-eyed groom, and I was filled with joy and peace. There wasn't an ounce of doubt in my heart that I was making the right decision. The best decision. We had both prayed about this. Plus, there was no denying the Lord's handiwork in bringing us together. We couldn't have fashioned it on our own if we had tried. And trust me, I had spent too many years of my life worrying and trying. But God had worked things out for us, created a path and firmly set our feet on it, and it was finally the day that we would solidify what God had begun. The day we would say "I do."
I've yet to meet a married person who didn't make a vow on their wedding day. In fact, I'm not quite sure you're allowed to call it a wedding if there isn't a vow. That would be called dating, maybe engagement at its best. But every wedding I've ever been to has required a vow. A promise that the bride and groom will cling to one another until death parts them. And yet as so many people stand on their wedding day and easily say, "I do," how can we be sure it won't later turn into an "I don't?"
I've been there. Been in that boat. It didn't take too long, either. And I spent so much time wondering what I did wrong. Maybe I could have been nicer, more patient, better in every possible way. Maybe if I would have been more agreeable, not so independent, a little less head strong, or a tad more domestic. Maybe if I had grown a longer fuse, been quicker to right a wrong, held my tongue, or kept my opinions to myself. What if I had put more effort into my appearance, been a little more in shape, more energetic, more fun? Would it have mattered? If I could have managed to obtain perfection, would it have changed anything? What did I do to make an "I do" turn into an "I don't?"
And so a week or two before my wedding, I sat in the kitchen at my parents' house and tossed around this idea. I wanted to marry Aaron with my whole heart, but I was afraid that maybe I'd do something that would make him change his mind. Maybe I would mess up, fail miserably as a wife, and he would regret every asking me to be his. My dad honestly said, "There's no guarantee in life, Brittnye. You trust Aaron, and he hasn't given you a reason to believe otherwise. You can only go off of what you know now." Because I understood that while it takes two to make a marriage work, it takes one to call it quits. No one admits that on their wedding day. It's just an unfortunate reality that sometimes plays out down the road.
Yet two years later, I look up and I see how I have failed my husband numerous times since the day we said "I do." I am so far from perfect that I just thank the Lord he has given me a committed man. Because I know there are moments that I push his buttons. I know I do things that aggravate him and drive him crazy. I know my short comings. I know that I can be difficult. I'm not always quick to apologize, forgive, or forget. I lose my patience. I've been known make mountains out of molehills. I can be selfish, I can be stubborn, and I can be challenging for sure. My attempt at being the "perfect wife" has yet to come to fruition, and at the end of the day I realize that I need a big bucket of grace to cover my sins. Yet despite my many short comings, my husband continues to remind me that when he said, "I do," he did.
Marriage is a commitment. But more than committing to a person, we're committing to the Lord. We're saying, "Lord, I, an imperfect, sinful person make a vow to you to love and remain faithful to this other imperfect, sinful person." It's not going to be easy. Honestly, how could it be? Taking two people who are completely different and meshing their entire lives together takes a lot of work. It takes a long haul a mindset. It takes determination because there may very well be moments that the lie of leaving seems to be a better option than the promise of staying. But that's what God requires of His vow-making people. He asks them to stay. To persevere. To forgive, to show grace, to remain faithful, and to keep leaning on Him for help. Because we really can do all things through Christ who gives us strength. And when we, as both husband and wife, choose to commit our ways, our plans to the Lord, we will succeed.
"Make vows to the Lord your God, and keep them. Let everyone bring tribute to the Awesome One." - Psalm 76:11
I've yet to meet a married person who didn't make a vow on their wedding day. In fact, I'm not quite sure you're allowed to call it a wedding if there isn't a vow. That would be called dating, maybe engagement at its best. But every wedding I've ever been to has required a vow. A promise that the bride and groom will cling to one another until death parts them. And yet as so many people stand on their wedding day and easily say, "I do," how can we be sure it won't later turn into an "I don't?"
I've been there. Been in that boat. It didn't take too long, either. And I spent so much time wondering what I did wrong. Maybe I could have been nicer, more patient, better in every possible way. Maybe if I would have been more agreeable, not so independent, a little less head strong, or a tad more domestic. Maybe if I had grown a longer fuse, been quicker to right a wrong, held my tongue, or kept my opinions to myself. What if I had put more effort into my appearance, been a little more in shape, more energetic, more fun? Would it have mattered? If I could have managed to obtain perfection, would it have changed anything? What did I do to make an "I do" turn into an "I don't?"
And so a week or two before my wedding, I sat in the kitchen at my parents' house and tossed around this idea. I wanted to marry Aaron with my whole heart, but I was afraid that maybe I'd do something that would make him change his mind. Maybe I would mess up, fail miserably as a wife, and he would regret every asking me to be his. My dad honestly said, "There's no guarantee in life, Brittnye. You trust Aaron, and he hasn't given you a reason to believe otherwise. You can only go off of what you know now." Because I understood that while it takes two to make a marriage work, it takes one to call it quits. No one admits that on their wedding day. It's just an unfortunate reality that sometimes plays out down the road.
Yet two years later, I look up and I see how I have failed my husband numerous times since the day we said "I do." I am so far from perfect that I just thank the Lord he has given me a committed man. Because I know there are moments that I push his buttons. I know I do things that aggravate him and drive him crazy. I know my short comings. I know that I can be difficult. I'm not always quick to apologize, forgive, or forget. I lose my patience. I've been known make mountains out of molehills. I can be selfish, I can be stubborn, and I can be challenging for sure. My attempt at being the "perfect wife" has yet to come to fruition, and at the end of the day I realize that I need a big bucket of grace to cover my sins. Yet despite my many short comings, my husband continues to remind me that when he said, "I do," he did.
Marriage is a commitment. But more than committing to a person, we're committing to the Lord. We're saying, "Lord, I, an imperfect, sinful person make a vow to you to love and remain faithful to this other imperfect, sinful person." It's not going to be easy. Honestly, how could it be? Taking two people who are completely different and meshing their entire lives together takes a lot of work. It takes a long haul a mindset. It takes determination because there may very well be moments that the lie of leaving seems to be a better option than the promise of staying. But that's what God requires of His vow-making people. He asks them to stay. To persevere. To forgive, to show grace, to remain faithful, and to keep leaning on Him for help. Because we really can do all things through Christ who gives us strength. And when we, as both husband and wife, choose to commit our ways, our plans to the Lord, we will succeed.
"Make vows to the Lord your God, and keep them. Let everyone bring tribute to the Awesome One." - Psalm 76:11
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