ordinary-ness....
I've known for a long time. Maybe a few years. People would say, "You've got a thing for this writing stuff." And I'd smile, incredibly grateful for the complements because it was like they were complementing a part of me. Of who I was. It was my heart, my emotions, my thoughts and challenges that were pouring through the keyboard. It was more than a "those shoes are cute" complement. It was personal. It went deeper than the eyes could see. Heart strings were attached to each word that showed up on each post, and I really felt like the Lord was saying, "Let's keep going with this thing. Don't limit me to just these posts."
I started writing a book. I know, right? Me, of all people, personally accepting the challenge of coming up with pages and pages of words. "Who am I to do this?," I thought, I still think, to myself. But words began flowing as fast as my fingers could move. One sentence would quickly turn into one paragraph which quickly turned into one page. And one page turned into another page and another page and another page, and chapters began to form. One chapter, two chapters, three chapters, four...
And four chapters later, I sat down to write and I stared at the screen. I typed a sentence followed by a long pressing of the backspace key. Let's try this again. Another sentence. Backspace... backspace... backspace. And I sat there. Hitting the backspace key, frantically searching my brain for something that sounded good. Something that sounded book worthy. But nothing came. A white screen with a small blinking cursor. That's all I had. I saved the blank document with the promising title of chapter 5, and turned off the screen.
Almost a month later, and I feel like I can't do it. What was I thinking? Why did I think I could ever accomplish this? How was it that I felt so confident? What made me believe this task might be relatively easy or even do-able for that matter? Maybe this wasn't a good idea. Maybe this whole concept isn't a good idea. Maybe I was misunderstood. Maybe, just maybe, I am in over my head.
As Peter and John headed to the temple, they passed by a lame man. Lying on the ground, lame from birth, having never taken a step in his life, all he knew to do was beg. Lifting his hands for money, he expected to receive pocket change. Peter and John had a different idea. In fact, this was a familiar situation. A little deja vu. They had seen this before when they were with Jesus. His words had the power to make the lame walk. They knew and believed it was possibility. They had witnessed it with their own eyes. So they didn't reach into their pockets as expected. They didn't throw some coins his way and pass on by. Peter did as he had witnessed his Savior do, and he said, "I don't have any money for you, but I'll give you what I have. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, get up and walk!" (Acts 4:12)
And he did. And not only was he amazed, but so were all who were watching. Knowing that they had a captive audience, they began preaching. They began sharing the truth of Jesus Christ. The gospel. And of course, the leaders showed up to arrest them. This seems to be the case when things are going well, right?. Rather than showing up to rejoice, life finds a way to squish the joy right out of celebratory situations threatening to fill you with defeat. And so after a night in jail cells, they were taken before the council to be questioned on their actions. Peter, filled with the Holy Spirit, began speaking to the council. And, "The members of the council were amazed when they saw the boldness of Peter and John, for they could see that they were ordinary men who had no special training. They also recognized them as men who had been with Jesus." (Acts 4:13)
And maybe that's the real key to this thing we call success. For any endeavor. Speaking, writing, parenting, marriage, working, serving. Maybe our ordinary-ness really isn't that big of a deal. Maybe it doesn't matter if we are the best at that thing. Maybe it doesn't matter if we've received proper training or have found a way to master the skill through whatever means we feel might be necessary. Maybe, just like it did for the disciples, it comes from being with Jesus. From belong to Jesus. From spending time in his presence, learning from him and allowing him to lead. Maybe it comes when we fully surrender ourselves and say, "Ok, here's the thing, Jesus. I can't do this on my own. Not even kind or sort of. And the more I am trying, the harder it's getting. The more I do this my way, the farther away I move from any hope of success. So I need your help. I need your Spirit. Really, I need you to do this, and I'll step out of the way so I can be the vessel in which you want to work through. Because you're the author of all things. You know all things. You are in all things, and all things are made complete in you."
Maybe we really aren't the key to success... in anything.
It's Jesus.
"This is the Lord’s doing, and it is wonderful to see. This is the day the Lord has made. We will rejoice and be glad in it. Please, Lord, please save us. Please, Lord, please give us success." - Psalm 118:23-25
I started writing a book. I know, right? Me, of all people, personally accepting the challenge of coming up with pages and pages of words. "Who am I to do this?," I thought, I still think, to myself. But words began flowing as fast as my fingers could move. One sentence would quickly turn into one paragraph which quickly turned into one page. And one page turned into another page and another page and another page, and chapters began to form. One chapter, two chapters, three chapters, four...
And four chapters later, I sat down to write and I stared at the screen. I typed a sentence followed by a long pressing of the backspace key. Let's try this again. Another sentence. Backspace... backspace... backspace. And I sat there. Hitting the backspace key, frantically searching my brain for something that sounded good. Something that sounded book worthy. But nothing came. A white screen with a small blinking cursor. That's all I had. I saved the blank document with the promising title of chapter 5, and turned off the screen.
Almost a month later, and I feel like I can't do it. What was I thinking? Why did I think I could ever accomplish this? How was it that I felt so confident? What made me believe this task might be relatively easy or even do-able for that matter? Maybe this wasn't a good idea. Maybe this whole concept isn't a good idea. Maybe I was misunderstood. Maybe, just maybe, I am in over my head.
As Peter and John headed to the temple, they passed by a lame man. Lying on the ground, lame from birth, having never taken a step in his life, all he knew to do was beg. Lifting his hands for money, he expected to receive pocket change. Peter and John had a different idea. In fact, this was a familiar situation. A little deja vu. They had seen this before when they were with Jesus. His words had the power to make the lame walk. They knew and believed it was possibility. They had witnessed it with their own eyes. So they didn't reach into their pockets as expected. They didn't throw some coins his way and pass on by. Peter did as he had witnessed his Savior do, and he said, "I don't have any money for you, but I'll give you what I have. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, get up and walk!" (Acts 4:12)
And he did. And not only was he amazed, but so were all who were watching. Knowing that they had a captive audience, they began preaching. They began sharing the truth of Jesus Christ. The gospel. And of course, the leaders showed up to arrest them. This seems to be the case when things are going well, right?. Rather than showing up to rejoice, life finds a way to squish the joy right out of celebratory situations threatening to fill you with defeat. And so after a night in jail cells, they were taken before the council to be questioned on their actions. Peter, filled with the Holy Spirit, began speaking to the council. And, "The members of the council were amazed when they saw the boldness of Peter and John, for they could see that they were ordinary men who had no special training. They also recognized them as men who had been with Jesus." (Acts 4:13)
And maybe that's the real key to this thing we call success. For any endeavor. Speaking, writing, parenting, marriage, working, serving. Maybe our ordinary-ness really isn't that big of a deal. Maybe it doesn't matter if we are the best at that thing. Maybe it doesn't matter if we've received proper training or have found a way to master the skill through whatever means we feel might be necessary. Maybe, just like it did for the disciples, it comes from being with Jesus. From belong to Jesus. From spending time in his presence, learning from him and allowing him to lead. Maybe it comes when we fully surrender ourselves and say, "Ok, here's the thing, Jesus. I can't do this on my own. Not even kind or sort of. And the more I am trying, the harder it's getting. The more I do this my way, the farther away I move from any hope of success. So I need your help. I need your Spirit. Really, I need you to do this, and I'll step out of the way so I can be the vessel in which you want to work through. Because you're the author of all things. You know all things. You are in all things, and all things are made complete in you."
Maybe we really aren't the key to success... in anything.
It's Jesus.
"This is the Lord’s doing, and it is wonderful to see. This is the day the Lord has made. We will rejoice and be glad in it. Please, Lord, please save us. Please, Lord, please give us success." - Psalm 118:23-25
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