it has nothing to do with luck...
I am really struggling with my blog these days. We have been working tirelessly on our house, and if and when we take a break, I have zero energy to do anything other than lay in bed and watch Nexflix. It's all or nothing around here. We'll see how long we can keep it that way.
Aaron and I met 5 years ago, in July, having no idea that either one of us was right around the corner. Not expecting to meet, much less fall in love and get married so quickly, the first few months of marriage was full of learning opportunities. I suppose if you date someone for a really long time, you might be able to cover extra ground that would help make for a smoother marriage transition. If, like us, you meet and marry within a year, then you've got a lot of learning to do in general. Conversation has never been an issue for Aaron nor myself, but it's quite impossible to talk through every thing before saying "I do." We tried, trust me, but there were many things we just had to find out after the fact because that's the beauty of two becoming one.
Our first few months were riddled with lots of intense discussions. If you've ever been a newlywed, then you know exactly what I'm talking about. We were discovering so many things about one another that we didn't know. Things we had never even thought to ask or bring up. Things like closing closet doors, whether dirty clothes belonged in the hamper or on the floor, why the dishes had to be placed a certain way in the dishwasher, and if it really mattered whether the cups faced up or down in the pantry. I mean who would ever think to say, "Honey, before we get married, I just need to know this one thing. When you put food in the microwave, do you put a paper towel over it or do you just pop in there and let it splatter all over the place?" No one asks those questions, and yet those are the very things we spend the majority of year one discovering and discussing. At least, that's how it went for us.
After an exhausting amount of discussions, we came to the conclusion that we were both tired of it. We were tired of talking, of being silent, being challenged, and being at odds. We were tired of things dragging out for days. Tired of feeling like we had to walk around on eggshells so we could avoid such situations. Because although marriage was never created to make us happy, at the end of the day, we just wanted to want to come home and enjoy one another's company. Was that too much to ask? No, it sure wasn't, and so we decided we would work our hardest to figure out a way to get there and to do it as quickly as we could.
I think a lot of us get married with the mindset that we've chosen "the right" person and so we're good to go. We survived dating and the stress of planning a wedding, so how hard could it be? Yet marriages fall apart every day. Marriages made up of two people who felt the exact same way as everyone else on their wedding day. Because it's easy to be married hypothetically. It's easy to say what you would and wouldn't do when you're not actually having to do it. It's easy to give the right answer, but as is usually the case, such things are easier said than done.
And so how do we succeed? How do we make sure our marriage doesn't fall apart at the seams 5, 10, or 25 years down the road? Well, the one thing that we've learned thus far is that if we want to make sure we're both in this "until death do us part," we've got to talk about it. That's right. Talk about it. Whatever it is. The good things, the difficult things, the frustrating, embarrassing, hurtful things. We have to talk about our struggles, our plans, our goals, and our victories. We talk about what we're thinking, what we're feeling, what we're needing, and what seems to be missing. We talk about where we're winning, where we're lacking, what needs to be changed, and what needs to be celebrated. If there's one person in this entire world, next to the Lord, that you should be able to talk to about anything, it's your spouse. And we've learned that when we talk, and when we listen, and when we show grace, don't get defensive, and actually make a change, we grow closer. Two become more of one. After all, we're a team, and we need to be operating off the same game plan. We need to know where one another stands, not just assume we know, but we need to really know. And so maybe that means we sit down, put our phones away, carve out some time, and be intentional. Because good marriages, successful marriages, don't just happen by chance or by luck. No, they happen by great effort, by always trying, and by never giving up.
"If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." - Romans 12:18
Aaron and I met 5 years ago, in July, having no idea that either one of us was right around the corner. Not expecting to meet, much less fall in love and get married so quickly, the first few months of marriage was full of learning opportunities. I suppose if you date someone for a really long time, you might be able to cover extra ground that would help make for a smoother marriage transition. If, like us, you meet and marry within a year, then you've got a lot of learning to do in general. Conversation has never been an issue for Aaron nor myself, but it's quite impossible to talk through every thing before saying "I do." We tried, trust me, but there were many things we just had to find out after the fact because that's the beauty of two becoming one.
Our first few months were riddled with lots of intense discussions. If you've ever been a newlywed, then you know exactly what I'm talking about. We were discovering so many things about one another that we didn't know. Things we had never even thought to ask or bring up. Things like closing closet doors, whether dirty clothes belonged in the hamper or on the floor, why the dishes had to be placed a certain way in the dishwasher, and if it really mattered whether the cups faced up or down in the pantry. I mean who would ever think to say, "Honey, before we get married, I just need to know this one thing. When you put food in the microwave, do you put a paper towel over it or do you just pop in there and let it splatter all over the place?" No one asks those questions, and yet those are the very things we spend the majority of year one discovering and discussing. At least, that's how it went for us.
After an exhausting amount of discussions, we came to the conclusion that we were both tired of it. We were tired of talking, of being silent, being challenged, and being at odds. We were tired of things dragging out for days. Tired of feeling like we had to walk around on eggshells so we could avoid such situations. Because although marriage was never created to make us happy, at the end of the day, we just wanted to want to come home and enjoy one another's company. Was that too much to ask? No, it sure wasn't, and so we decided we would work our hardest to figure out a way to get there and to do it as quickly as we could.
I think a lot of us get married with the mindset that we've chosen "the right" person and so we're good to go. We survived dating and the stress of planning a wedding, so how hard could it be? Yet marriages fall apart every day. Marriages made up of two people who felt the exact same way as everyone else on their wedding day. Because it's easy to be married hypothetically. It's easy to say what you would and wouldn't do when you're not actually having to do it. It's easy to give the right answer, but as is usually the case, such things are easier said than done.
And so how do we succeed? How do we make sure our marriage doesn't fall apart at the seams 5, 10, or 25 years down the road? Well, the one thing that we've learned thus far is that if we want to make sure we're both in this "until death do us part," we've got to talk about it. That's right. Talk about it. Whatever it is. The good things, the difficult things, the frustrating, embarrassing, hurtful things. We have to talk about our struggles, our plans, our goals, and our victories. We talk about what we're thinking, what we're feeling, what we're needing, and what seems to be missing. We talk about where we're winning, where we're lacking, what needs to be changed, and what needs to be celebrated. If there's one person in this entire world, next to the Lord, that you should be able to talk to about anything, it's your spouse. And we've learned that when we talk, and when we listen, and when we show grace, don't get defensive, and actually make a change, we grow closer. Two become more of one. After all, we're a team, and we need to be operating off the same game plan. We need to know where one another stands, not just assume we know, but we need to really know. And so maybe that means we sit down, put our phones away, carve out some time, and be intentional. Because good marriages, successful marriages, don't just happen by chance or by luck. No, they happen by great effort, by always trying, and by never giving up.
"If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." - Romans 12:18
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