when renovating your house renovates your relationship...
I knew moving into a fixer upper wouldn't be as easy as it would seem. Chip and JoAnna can get it done in an hour, but we are the Davis'... not the Gaines'. As if having a job and a baby and all of the other life responsibilities weren't enough, now add on to that a construction zone. Not to mention two people (well, one more than the other) who have never done anything like this before. I know what you're thinking. What were we thinking, right?
As with all exciting projects, it started with great zeal. Zeal that was quickly zapped when the first dose of reality was swallowed. We just thought we were going to fly through it. We thought it would be a breeze. We thought wrong, and so we began to recalculate.
Early on in our marriage, we worked overtime on our communication skills. We felt that if we could get down a solid means of communication, we could apply that to every situation and find success. It was a little rough at the start, but it proved to be true. In fact, we made it through the next few years, a pregnancy, and a new baby with virtually no fights. If we felt frustrated, we'd just lay it out there, own up to our respective parts, forgive, and move on. Easy enough, am I right? If we could go through those life changes without any bumps in the road, we could do this, too.
To be completely transparent here, I'll give credit where credit is due. When I say "we," I really mean Aaron. Aaron is the one who does the majority of the work. He is the one who has the hard job. I come up with the ideas and he has to figure out how to complete them. I help when I can, but my help is limited to nap time and bed time since Annabeth isn't one for manual labor. And so one night I decided I would be extra helpful to give him a break. He has more than enough on his plate at work, and he needed time to study for an upcoming certification exam. I told him to go shower and study and that I would work complete this small project in no time. I've learned to stop saying things like that.
I sat down with roller brush in hand and began rolling paint onto the bathroom siding. If one has never painted siding before, it is helpful to know that rolling it is not the appropriate paint application method. But having no such knowledge, I was confident that it would look fine once it dried and was very impressed by my speed. I finished the other side of the bathroom only to realize that the paint was not drying smoothly. No problem, I would just take the brush and smooth it out. Easy fix, or so I thought. The paint began to clump. I tried to wipe it off which might have worked if it hadn't partially dried. And so I grabbed the scrapper to scrape off the clumpy layer, and next thing I knew I was looking at the original yellow paint that was a few layers below where I was painting. Obviously, this was going to be more work than I had expected.
I began scraping and pulling paint off of the walls as fast as I could. I hoped with all my might that Aaron wouldn't do his usual check-in to see my progress so that maybe I could get it repainted and he would never notice. But as a few hours passed, he walked in and found me pulling old paint off of the walls. The walls that were supposed to be covered in a fresh coat of paint hours ago. I honestly wasn't sure what type of reaction to expect. I prepared a little dialogue in my head to explain how this no fail project had gone wrong. But he just let out a little laugh and said, "Well, that's one way to do it!" And that was that. A few hours later, the walls were repainted, and I think they turned out really well if you ask me.
The thing about marriage, and about relationships in general, is that if you show a little grace and mercy, you are more likely to receive it. Because truth be told, this renovation project has been far from easy. There have been many moments where things have not gone as planned, and we are far from finished. In fact, we aren't even a fourth of the way done. This house is proving that nothing is as easy as it seems. Of course, is any worthwhile adventure?
We show grace and mercy because it is shown to us. God, in his unlimited supply. has poured grace and mercy so richly into our lives that it would be a shame for us to act any other way. Of course, we certainly have our moments when we do, but aren't you thankful that God never does? That even when He finds us in the midst of a mess that we've personally created, He doesn't demean, embarrass, or humiliate us. He doesn't take the opportunity to make us feel even worse than we already do. He shows up with compassion, with help, with whatever we may need at that moment, and He does it every time.
"Then let us approach God's throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." - Hebrews 4:16
As with all exciting projects, it started with great zeal. Zeal that was quickly zapped when the first dose of reality was swallowed. We just thought we were going to fly through it. We thought it would be a breeze. We thought wrong, and so we began to recalculate.
Early on in our marriage, we worked overtime on our communication skills. We felt that if we could get down a solid means of communication, we could apply that to every situation and find success. It was a little rough at the start, but it proved to be true. In fact, we made it through the next few years, a pregnancy, and a new baby with virtually no fights. If we felt frustrated, we'd just lay it out there, own up to our respective parts, forgive, and move on. Easy enough, am I right? If we could go through those life changes without any bumps in the road, we could do this, too.
To be completely transparent here, I'll give credit where credit is due. When I say "we," I really mean Aaron. Aaron is the one who does the majority of the work. He is the one who has the hard job. I come up with the ideas and he has to figure out how to complete them. I help when I can, but my help is limited to nap time and bed time since Annabeth isn't one for manual labor. And so one night I decided I would be extra helpful to give him a break. He has more than enough on his plate at work, and he needed time to study for an upcoming certification exam. I told him to go shower and study and that I would work complete this small project in no time. I've learned to stop saying things like that.
I sat down with roller brush in hand and began rolling paint onto the bathroom siding. If one has never painted siding before, it is helpful to know that rolling it is not the appropriate paint application method. But having no such knowledge, I was confident that it would look fine once it dried and was very impressed by my speed. I finished the other side of the bathroom only to realize that the paint was not drying smoothly. No problem, I would just take the brush and smooth it out. Easy fix, or so I thought. The paint began to clump. I tried to wipe it off which might have worked if it hadn't partially dried. And so I grabbed the scrapper to scrape off the clumpy layer, and next thing I knew I was looking at the original yellow paint that was a few layers below where I was painting. Obviously, this was going to be more work than I had expected.
I began scraping and pulling paint off of the walls as fast as I could. I hoped with all my might that Aaron wouldn't do his usual check-in to see my progress so that maybe I could get it repainted and he would never notice. But as a few hours passed, he walked in and found me pulling old paint off of the walls. The walls that were supposed to be covered in a fresh coat of paint hours ago. I honestly wasn't sure what type of reaction to expect. I prepared a little dialogue in my head to explain how this no fail project had gone wrong. But he just let out a little laugh and said, "Well, that's one way to do it!" And that was that. A few hours later, the walls were repainted, and I think they turned out really well if you ask me.
The thing about marriage, and about relationships in general, is that if you show a little grace and mercy, you are more likely to receive it. Because truth be told, this renovation project has been far from easy. There have been many moments where things have not gone as planned, and we are far from finished. In fact, we aren't even a fourth of the way done. This house is proving that nothing is as easy as it seems. Of course, is any worthwhile adventure?
We show grace and mercy because it is shown to us. God, in his unlimited supply. has poured grace and mercy so richly into our lives that it would be a shame for us to act any other way. Of course, we certainly have our moments when we do, but aren't you thankful that God never does? That even when He finds us in the midst of a mess that we've personally created, He doesn't demean, embarrass, or humiliate us. He doesn't take the opportunity to make us feel even worse than we already do. He shows up with compassion, with help, with whatever we may need at that moment, and He does it every time.
"Then let us approach God's throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." - Hebrews 4:16
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