#momfail...

I bent over picking up glass shards from the kitchen floor. Annabeth had dropped one of my favorite watches and the face broke. I didn't notice it was broken until I handed it back to her and, moments later, felt little pieces of glass brush down my arm. I was thankful that she didn't swallow any of the glass since she had been chewing on the watch strap. I was also thankful that, although it was a favorite, it was inexpensive. I've come to learn that you can't expect to have nice things when you've got a toddler. It's a good thing they're small because they can be quite destructive. Things tend to get broken, scratched, and permanently stained. It's something many mothers have to accept during the early years of child rearing.

I asked Annabeth, "Do you see any other pieces?" not fully expecting her to understand the question. Sure enough, she pointed to a piece I had overlooked. I continued searching for any other small pieces that might end up in her mouth (because everything she touches finds its way in her mouth) as to avoid a future catastrophe. She wandered away into the sun room to explore the same spaces she's seen a hundred times, and she found something new. Something she hadn't seen before. She picked it up and made her way back into the kitchen to show me this new found prize. With a clenched fist held up in my direction, I unfolded her tiny fingers to find a squished piece of dog poop. Not the norm, but thanks to the cold weather and my choosing to keep the dog door covered, Scout felt that the rug was as good as the grass and did what she needed to.

I grabbed said prize from Annabeth's hand with great disgust while ordering her NOT to put her hands in her mouth. I inspected her mouth hoping she hadn't done a little taste test. I've become accustomed to poop over the last year, but I sure don't want to hold it in my hand. If only my child knew what it was and felt the same. Anyway, we scrubbed our hands with soap and water, and by the end of a most eventful morning, I was surprised that we had made it out uninjured and alive.

The more I venture through this journey of motherhood, I've learned that the feeling of failure does its best to ride shotgun. Sometimes we feel that way over something we've done, a decision we made, that didn't turn out well, and sometimes it stems from something that was totally out of our control. (Like dog poop on the backdoor rug.) Regardless, we all have moments when we feel like we've failed as a mother, and the enemy never ceases to look for an opportunity to point it out. But if caring for your child as best you know how, if loving them fiercely, and if meeting their every need somehow leads us to the feelings of failure, then I don't even want to know what success looks like because I know for certain I'll never get there.

I'd be lying to you if I said I don't struggle with feelings of failure and inadequacy. I felt totally responsible for the bad morning we had although Annabeth wasn't doing much to help out. But if I had gotten up before she did, if I had paid better attention to our surroundings, if I had taken Scout outside like I always do rather than assuming she'd bark (like she usually does) then none of those things would have happened. And I've noticed that when I start to feel like I've failed and when I start to blame myself, I lose joy in the process. I started thinking, "My goodness! If I can't even keep things some what together with one, why do I think I'll ever be able to handle more?" But the Lord spoke to my heart, amidst a chaotic morning as my frustrations were rising and my child was being challenging, and reminded me that He gives us children to enjoy... at every stage!

Is every moment of child-rearing enjoyable? You bet it's not. Do we all look back through rose colored glasses. Of course we do! And the one thing I hear experienced parents say over and over and over again is, "Enjoy this time! It goes by so quickly! These are the best days of your life!" Psalm 127:3 tells us that children are a reward from God. Failure does not receive a reward. No one gets a reward for losing a race or bombing a test. No one is rewarded for poor job performance or a lack of service. And when a reward is given, the expectation is that it will be appreciated, valued, and enjoyed. Our children are rewards given to us by God to be appreciated, valued, and enjoyed.

That's our challenge as parents. One of them, at least. To enjoy our children. And quit feeling like a failure! It's hard to enjoy something for which you're constantly berating yourself. See the tough moments for what they are - learning and growing experiences - and then move on. Enjoy what you can while you can because as I keep hearing for those who've been there, these are the best days of our lives!

Comments

Popular Posts