you don't go first...

You're 15 months old, Annabeth! Wow! I remember how excited I was for you to turn 3 months old. You were such a cute, little chunky thing. That was your first month to go to the nursery at church, and I was so nervous to leave you with people I didn't know. They, of course, turned out to be wonderful women and you loved them! Hard to believe that was a year ago, especially now that you're running around and talking up a storm!

You took your first steps a few weeks ago. I didn't push you to walk or really even practice with you because I knew you'd start when you made up your mind that you were ready. That's how you've done most things. I am learning so much about your personality, and I still think you've got more of your dad's traits than mine. That's okay. He's full of good ones! You have also started showing great affection and wanting to be held. I don't know where that came from, but I love it! Your kisses and hugs melt me every single time. You aren't overly generous with them so that makes them even more precious. You're full of giggles and squeals. You are adventurous and fearless. I haven't found anything that you're scared of and you're not afraid to try anything. You're also super smart and have figured out way more than I'd like you to know at this stage. You're still a busy body but have an obsession with the move Sing, which is the only time you'll sit still. You're constantly amazing me each month! I took dinner to a friend who recently had a baby and as I held him she said, "Do you miss Annabeth being that small?" I smiled and emphatically said, "No way! The older she gets, the more fun we have!" I meant it, too!

I've been thinking about what piece of wisdom I wanted to share with you this month, and the topic of dating has been rolling around in my mind. Clearly you're too young for that, but I know the days of boys will be here sooner than we think. You're one of very few girls in the nursery at church and are outnumbered by the boys. I joking told you dad that I wondered if you'd grow up to marry one of them. What a weird thought, right? I've read many blogs written by moms who say they're already praying for their baby's future spouse. That's a sweet thought, but there are so many things I am more concerned about praying over before you get to that stage in your life. Truth be told, I don't even know if that's God's will for you. Or, if you'll even want to get married. Selfishly, I hope that you do simply because marriage is a sweet gift (a good marriage, I might add). But I want you to also know that it's totally fine and wonderful to be single. In fact, Paul (in the Bible) advocates for it for many good reasons. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that despite the message society sends to those who aren't in a relationship. God calls some people to singleness for His own purposes. He calls some people to marriage. So, regardless of whether or not you get married, I just want you to submit to God's will for your life. That's really my prayer for you. That throughout your entire life you submit to His will and are obedient to His calling. If you are, you'll always be in the right place!

Being a mother, and a woman, I do know that there will come a day when you begin showing interest in boys and it's returned. To the dismay of all parents, this happens earlier and earlier. Your dad has been planting the thought that you won't date until you're at least 25. I don't know how effective that's going to be, but I certainly don't disagree with him. I know, I know, we're your parents so maybe we're being a little extreme. The truth is, we care so much about you and about your precious heart that, if we could have it our way, we'd find you the most respectable boy God ever created and match you two up in high school so that you could be high school sweethearts forever and never endure the feeling of heart break. But since arranged marriages aren't a thing in our part of the world, I figured I'd just share with you some of my best advice that I've learned over the years with the hopes that when the time comes, you'll consider taking it. 

The first thing I have learned is that being in a serious and long term relationship while your young is often futile. For the sake of this advice, I am going to consider young and under the age of 18. At that point, you can't get legally married without our consent anyway, so see, there's no point. I know you probably don't believe me here because you may see me as old and not with it, but dating really hasn't changed much over the course of time. You might call it something different, but it's the same. You need to enjoy your life, learn new things, and have memorable experiences. You don't need to be tied down to a boy. I didn't have an actual boyfriend before college. It's not that I didn't want one. Oh, I did. I just wasn't "dating material" in the eyes of teenage boys. I later discovered that prudency (I think I may have just made that word up) is not on their list of attractive traits. Honestly, I thank the Lord that He kept me non-girlfriend material for all those years. If not, who knows what my life would have looked like. It's hard enough to grow up much less to try and figure out the complexities of relationships when you, yourself, are changing so quickly. Young love rarely survives. There are the exceptions, but I only know of a handful. You will have your whole life to worry about boys and dating and marriage. My advice to you is that you spend at least the first 18 years free of said worries. Have friends, have fun, and don't spend your tears over boys who don't really care for you. When you finally find a boy who doesn't make you cry, then I'd say it might be a good idea to make him a friend.

Boys need to pursue you, Annabeth. It should never be the other way around. He needs to be the one going after you, but it's impossible to pursue someone when you're being chased by them. And so don't throw yourself at boys. It's his job to win and keep your heart, and if he really likes you and cares deeply about you, he will do exactly that. You don't need to be the first to approach him. You don't need to be the one asking him on dates or initiating phone conversations. Social media will be a big part of your life, so he needs to "friend" you first. At school dances, he should be the first to ask for a spin on the dance floor (although I think school dances will be extinct by the time you get to that age). And if you are dating a really wonderful and upstanding guy for quite a while, don't even think about showing him affection first. He needs to be the one to hold your hand or lean in for a kiss (and I mean a little peck on the cheek, you know). You aren't the one asking him on a date, he should ask you. I know I sound really old fashioned here, but I've witnessed old fashioned and it works. People often call this tactic "playing hard to get," but I call it, "letting him take the lead." God has called and commanded our men to be leaders and leaders take the initiative. He needs to take the initiative from the start, sweet girl, and you need to be patient and wait. Let him. Don't rush him. He goes first when it comes to saying "I love you," and don't start planning a wedding until he brings it up. Let him open your doors, pick up the check, and always be sure he treats you with the utmost respect. If he can't respect you, then he doesn't deserve you. And trust your momma on this one. It's worth waiting on a man of great respect, character, initiative, and integrity. You'll be glad you did!

God's word also tells us that we should be equally yoked. This is more than whether or not he proclaims to be a Christian. Does his life reflect Christ? What kind of fruit does he actually produce? If he didn't tell you he was a Christian, would you know by the life he leads? Examine his words, his actions, his motives, and how he treats others. And do not make exceptions. Ever. Never ever make exceptions or assume that you can change him. You can't. If you can't love and accept him for who he is now, you'll have a hard time being able to in the future. And, you know, although it doesn't always feel that there are plenty of fish in the sea, there are. God is creating new ones every single day. If you happen to come across on that isn't for you, release him so can end up with the right girl. Don't feel bad about it. You're doing everyone a favor. There will be one for you, and while you are waiting you can thank God through the process of elimination. You may not know who the right one is, but you know who it's not and that's helpful! He will work things out for the both of you, according to His will. Your dad and I are living examples of that, and we'll tell you all about it when you're ready to hear the story. It's a story that is free of exceptions, however, if you ask me, when it comes to men, your dad is quite the exception! I can tell you think he is, too.

I don't know what God has in store for you, Annabeth. I know He's got a good plan, and I am so thankful that He is allowing me a part in that. I am glad I get to watch you grow and learn every single day, and I would do anything in the world to keep you from ever feeling heartache, pain, or disappointment. Unfortunately, I know I can't prevent those things, so the least I can do is share what I know in an effort to help you navigate through the tricky waters of life. You know I'll always be here for you, praying for you, and loving you every day! And I know that God will show you the path to walk if you'll trust in Him and lean on His understanding. That's all we can do, sweet girl, and God will be faithful to get us where He needs us to be. 

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