mommy hold you...
My dearest Annabeth, forgive me for being over a week late writing to you. You turned two years old last Monday, and I can hardly believe it. It seems like just yesterday, and a lifetime ago, that we were meeting for the first time. Your birth day was one of the scariest days of my life. I will never forget it as long as I live. I can remember each detail so vividly. I can still recall how I felt lying on the operating table as the doctor performed an emergency c-section to deliver you. God had filled me with an overwhelming amount of peace, thank goodness. My whole body shook, and I didn't know if it was due to nerves or the fact that I was freezing. I since learned it was from the anesthesia. But I can still hear the doctor saying, "Oh wow! Look at that blonde hair! One big tug and I'll have her out." I was thrilled to know I was having a little blonde haired baby. Secretly, I had been hoping for one! I knew for sure you would have blue eyes, but I didn't expect you to be so tiny. You've shown from the start that you are one strong and determined gal regardless of your size. You are a force, and I can't wait to see how God uses your determination, courage, and whit as you grow.
You are a chatterbox. That's no surprise, however, because your dad and I are, too. You are full of words and thoughts, and I'm certain I could write a book's worth of your hilarious comments. You know what you want and how to get it. If it's not with your charm, it's by sheer determination. And you're as friendly as they come. You've never met a stranger and have no problem talking with one. You love other children, but you really love babies. God has given you a very compassionate and maternal heart. Your future children will not only know they are fiercely loved, but they'll definitely know they're ferociously protected. I love watching you mother your dolls and Quackies, and it really melts my heart to see you love on babies. I hope this love for babies remains when we bring your new sibling home. I'm sure there will be a little jealousy, but knowing you, I have feeling you're going to do you best to be this new baby's mother.
You're very independent. Very! You can easily undress yourself, put on pants, shoes, and even buckle your own car sear. You are a "big girl" through and through, and anything I do you are certain you can, too. You've successfully used the potty a couple of times, although you're highly interested in doing so, but I haven't pushed you towards that process yet. You'll get there when you're ready, and I am sure it won't be much longer. You still aren't a big fan of food, but your daddy has introduced you to gummy bears and you'll do pretty much anything for one. You'd rather explore the world than sit and eat, a habit many of us should probably adopt. I gave up long ago on worrying about how much you eat or forcing meals on you. You've probably eaten more goldfish and raisins than I have in my entire life, but those are surefire snacks you won't turn down. One day, you'll fall into the same food trap every other American battles, so I don't think your picky ways will be an issue forever. I've learned that you'll eat when you're hungry and as long as you eat, well, you'll be fine.
You have an adventurous and thrill-seeking spirit. This is one thing we do not have in common. I am a play it safe, dull, scared-y cat. But not you. You love the feeling of adrenaline pumping through your little body. We took you to the fair a few weeks ago, and you couldn't get enough of the roller coasters. Unfortunately, you were too short to ride most of them, but I think you'll be able to next year. You love going to the mall to ride the choo-choo train and merry go round, and if you can't go to the mall then you want to go to the park. Slides, swings, rock walls, bring it on! You will probably be my outdoorsy, sporty girl. Obviously, I won't be able to keep up with you (this is your dad's area more than mine), but I'll always be there to cheer you on and watch you shine!
God is using you to open my eyes in so many ways. Although you and I may look alike, we are very different. Honestly, I'd like to be more like you, but God makes each one of us unique and the world needs all kinds of kinds! I've learned this truth later in life, after spending many years wishing I could be different than the way God created me. I don't ever want you to think that you have to be just like me or do things the way that I did them. This will be a challenge for me to remember, but I'm going to do my best to make sure I don't try and force you into my box. It would bore you to death! My goal as your mother is to help you figure out how to use your God given talents and strengths in a way to honor him. I can honestly say that you are fearfully and wonderfully made, and there is not another person on this planet like you. You, sweet baby, are one of a kind!
For many, many, many months of your early life you didn't want to be held. You hated being rocked or cuddled and there was never a way I could pacify you. If someone else was holding you and you got fussy, they would hand you to me and say, "Oh, she needs her momma!" But that wasn't the case. I never felt like you really wanted me to hold you. I was just a means of transportation. And this was hard for me because my friends would talk about how amazing the cuddly newborn phase was, and I felt like there must have been something wrong with me as a mother. You didn't want me to cuddle you. But you also didn't want me to put you down, either. You didn't know what you wanted, and I didn't know what you wanted. The first year of your life was quite challenging for me, to say the least, but something switched right after Christmas and all of the sudden you became a hardcore momma's girl.
"Mommy hold you!" You say this about a hundred times a day. And every morning we snuggle in bed, watching cartoons as you drink your milk, and the moment I start to get up you beg me to stay. "Mommy sit with you!" Mommy is probably your most used word, and I find it so ironic that you've finally gained full mobile independence and now you want me to hold you. All. the. time. And you want to be near me constantly. Even when I go to the bathroom you want me to hold you. I'll say things like, "Mommy can't hold you right now. I have to put on my make-up for the day." You'll respond, "No make-up mommy. Hold you!" (And the sweetest thing is that you've started telling me I'm pretty no matter how I look, so I really appreciate that. I'm so glad you think so!) It doesn't matter what I am doing, you want to be held. This isn't the most convenient thing for me, but I do love it. I love that you desire to be near me. I love that you want to be held, and so I've become very thankful for my hippy-hips that I used to dislike because they've really come in quite handy. I know the days of holding you are numbered, and if my baby wants to snuggle or be held, then I'll forgo make-up for the day or stay in bed a little longer. One day I'll be really productive again and look like I actually put forth effort. but right now, mommy will hold you.
But there will come a day when you're too big for mommy to hold. Or a moment when I'm not around and you need to be held. And so I want to know that you are always being held, Annabeth. Psalm 139 tells us that no matter where we go, God is always with us, holding us in his mighty right hand. And no one can remove you from his grasp! Sometimes we find ourselves running to God and crying, "Hold me!" when we are scared, sad, or hurt. And God is always faithful to draw us near, especially when we ask for it. But I've noticed that you want me to hold you just for the sheer fact of nearness. Sure, when you're hurt or scared you run to me, but the majority of time your requests to be held are just for that reason. To be held. And God feels the same way. He wants to hold us just for the fact of nearness because He loves us. We will never outgrow His arms, either, no matter how old or how big we get. And He's never too busy to hold us. He's always available, and more than that, He is always willing and ready.
"Yet I am always with you; you hold me by your right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." - Psalm 73:23-26
You are a chatterbox. That's no surprise, however, because your dad and I are, too. You are full of words and thoughts, and I'm certain I could write a book's worth of your hilarious comments. You know what you want and how to get it. If it's not with your charm, it's by sheer determination. And you're as friendly as they come. You've never met a stranger and have no problem talking with one. You love other children, but you really love babies. God has given you a very compassionate and maternal heart. Your future children will not only know they are fiercely loved, but they'll definitely know they're ferociously protected. I love watching you mother your dolls and Quackies, and it really melts my heart to see you love on babies. I hope this love for babies remains when we bring your new sibling home. I'm sure there will be a little jealousy, but knowing you, I have feeling you're going to do you best to be this new baby's mother.
You're very independent. Very! You can easily undress yourself, put on pants, shoes, and even buckle your own car sear. You are a "big girl" through and through, and anything I do you are certain you can, too. You've successfully used the potty a couple of times, although you're highly interested in doing so, but I haven't pushed you towards that process yet. You'll get there when you're ready, and I am sure it won't be much longer. You still aren't a big fan of food, but your daddy has introduced you to gummy bears and you'll do pretty much anything for one. You'd rather explore the world than sit and eat, a habit many of us should probably adopt. I gave up long ago on worrying about how much you eat or forcing meals on you. You've probably eaten more goldfish and raisins than I have in my entire life, but those are surefire snacks you won't turn down. One day, you'll fall into the same food trap every other American battles, so I don't think your picky ways will be an issue forever. I've learned that you'll eat when you're hungry and as long as you eat, well, you'll be fine.
You have an adventurous and thrill-seeking spirit. This is one thing we do not have in common. I am a play it safe, dull, scared-y cat. But not you. You love the feeling of adrenaline pumping through your little body. We took you to the fair a few weeks ago, and you couldn't get enough of the roller coasters. Unfortunately, you were too short to ride most of them, but I think you'll be able to next year. You love going to the mall to ride the choo-choo train and merry go round, and if you can't go to the mall then you want to go to the park. Slides, swings, rock walls, bring it on! You will probably be my outdoorsy, sporty girl. Obviously, I won't be able to keep up with you (this is your dad's area more than mine), but I'll always be there to cheer you on and watch you shine!
God is using you to open my eyes in so many ways. Although you and I may look alike, we are very different. Honestly, I'd like to be more like you, but God makes each one of us unique and the world needs all kinds of kinds! I've learned this truth later in life, after spending many years wishing I could be different than the way God created me. I don't ever want you to think that you have to be just like me or do things the way that I did them. This will be a challenge for me to remember, but I'm going to do my best to make sure I don't try and force you into my box. It would bore you to death! My goal as your mother is to help you figure out how to use your God given talents and strengths in a way to honor him. I can honestly say that you are fearfully and wonderfully made, and there is not another person on this planet like you. You, sweet baby, are one of a kind!
For many, many, many months of your early life you didn't want to be held. You hated being rocked or cuddled and there was never a way I could pacify you. If someone else was holding you and you got fussy, they would hand you to me and say, "Oh, she needs her momma!" But that wasn't the case. I never felt like you really wanted me to hold you. I was just a means of transportation. And this was hard for me because my friends would talk about how amazing the cuddly newborn phase was, and I felt like there must have been something wrong with me as a mother. You didn't want me to cuddle you. But you also didn't want me to put you down, either. You didn't know what you wanted, and I didn't know what you wanted. The first year of your life was quite challenging for me, to say the least, but something switched right after Christmas and all of the sudden you became a hardcore momma's girl.
"Mommy hold you!" You say this about a hundred times a day. And every morning we snuggle in bed, watching cartoons as you drink your milk, and the moment I start to get up you beg me to stay. "Mommy sit with you!" Mommy is probably your most used word, and I find it so ironic that you've finally gained full mobile independence and now you want me to hold you. All. the. time. And you want to be near me constantly. Even when I go to the bathroom you want me to hold you. I'll say things like, "Mommy can't hold you right now. I have to put on my make-up for the day." You'll respond, "No make-up mommy. Hold you!" (And the sweetest thing is that you've started telling me I'm pretty no matter how I look, so I really appreciate that. I'm so glad you think so!) It doesn't matter what I am doing, you want to be held. This isn't the most convenient thing for me, but I do love it. I love that you desire to be near me. I love that you want to be held, and so I've become very thankful for my hippy-hips that I used to dislike because they've really come in quite handy. I know the days of holding you are numbered, and if my baby wants to snuggle or be held, then I'll forgo make-up for the day or stay in bed a little longer. One day I'll be really productive again and look like I actually put forth effort. but right now, mommy will hold you.
But there will come a day when you're too big for mommy to hold. Or a moment when I'm not around and you need to be held. And so I want to know that you are always being held, Annabeth. Psalm 139 tells us that no matter where we go, God is always with us, holding us in his mighty right hand. And no one can remove you from his grasp! Sometimes we find ourselves running to God and crying, "Hold me!" when we are scared, sad, or hurt. And God is always faithful to draw us near, especially when we ask for it. But I've noticed that you want me to hold you just for the sheer fact of nearness. Sure, when you're hurt or scared you run to me, but the majority of time your requests to be held are just for that reason. To be held. And God feels the same way. He wants to hold us just for the fact of nearness because He loves us. We will never outgrow His arms, either, no matter how old or how big we get. And He's never too busy to hold us. He's always available, and more than that, He is always willing and ready.
"Yet I am always with you; you hold me by your right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." - Psalm 73:23-26
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