God knows the desires of your heart... He doesn't need your help meeting them...
From as early on as I can remember, I wanted to be a wife and a mother when I grew up. Some kids know exactly what they want to do with their lives from an early age. My dad, for example, was one of those kids. As a little boy, he knew he wanted to be a police officer, and that's exactly what he did for 31 years of his life. But I never really knew. I knew what I didn't want to be, but I couldn't decide on an exact career. All I knew is that my heart desired to be a wife and a mother, and I hoped God would make those a desire a reality.
Somewhere along the way, I began worrying that maybe my desires would never be met. Maybe it was because I graduated high school without ever having a "real" boyfriend. Maybe it was the fact that all of the boys I liked throughout the first 19 years of my life never showed any interest in me. Maybe it was because I was never asked on dates or because I knew I looked nothing like the girls that received attention. Maybe it was because I would meet a guy, try my best to catch his eye, and inevitably end up in an awkward situation of obvious avoidance within a few weeks. For whatever reason, I was pretty certain that my desire of becoming a wife would never be met, and along with that, so went my dreams of ever becoming a mother.
"I better help you out here, God." That's what I thought to myself. Clearly all of this praying and waiting was getting me no where it seemed. I met so many "nice" guys, or at least guys that seemed to be, and nothing. Nada. Zilch. Sure, they'd hang out with me. They'd sit by me at church or talk to me on campus, but no one would ever ask me on a date. What was I doing so wrong? What was wrong with me? I was in a pool of 30,000 students. This was supposed to be the breeding ground of marriages. This was where I was supposed to meet my forever. The love of my life. After all, that's what everyone else appeared to be doing and that's what society was telling me. And so I decided that I'd go ahead and help God out, speed things up a bit, and make sure my heart's desires were met. Even if that meant compromise. Even if that meant pursuing my own will over God's. Even if that meant tripping over roadblocks and powering through divinely placed obstacles. Even if that meant disobeying God.
But God didn't need my help. God needed me to get out of the way. To slow down, listen, and accept what He was doing. He needed me to fully submit to His will. He needed me to trust Him. To quit worrying about my timeline, about what everyone else was doing, and remember that He was in control. That he had, and has, a plan for my life. He needed me to accept what was instead of trying to force what I wanted to be. To rely on Him completely. He didn't need my help. He knew the desires of my heart because He placed them there, and He knew exactly how and when He would meet them. He had it all worked out.
Of course, hindsight is 20/20 isn't it? And when I look back, I see this truth. I see that God had a plan all along and that plan was to meet the desires He placed in my heart long ago. Not when I expected, and certainly not how I expected. Not on my timeline, either, and not according to my ways or anyone else's. He had a better plan that required waiting. That required submitting completely. That required letting go of what I wanted, when I wanted, and saying, "Okay, God, you're the only one who can make this happen so I am just laying it in your hands and leaving it there." And it required dwelling. Keeping my eyes on Him. Letting Him lead me rather than running ahead of Him and trying to forge the path that I so desperately wanted.
If you would have told me I would meet my forever, the love of my life, after a series of unfortunate events on a blind date and get married a few months before my 26th birthday, I would have rolled my eyes. If you would have told me that I would give birth to my first child a few months before my third decade of life would begin, I would have laughed. If you would have told me that I would have to spend a good 6 years of my post-college life facing one job disappointment after another before finding one that I really loved and enjoyed, I would have cringed.
And if you were to ask me if I would do it all over again, I absolutely would. But this time, I would do it God's way and save myself a lot of work, stress, and worry along the way. And if you were to ask me if I plan on helping God through the years to come, I'll tell you that I don't. I plan on letting Him do His job in planting and meeting the desires of my heart, and I'll wait on Him to do exactly that.
"Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it's the Lord's purpose that prevails." - Proverbs 19:21
Somewhere along the way, I began worrying that maybe my desires would never be met. Maybe it was because I graduated high school without ever having a "real" boyfriend. Maybe it was the fact that all of the boys I liked throughout the first 19 years of my life never showed any interest in me. Maybe it was because I was never asked on dates or because I knew I looked nothing like the girls that received attention. Maybe it was because I would meet a guy, try my best to catch his eye, and inevitably end up in an awkward situation of obvious avoidance within a few weeks. For whatever reason, I was pretty certain that my desire of becoming a wife would never be met, and along with that, so went my dreams of ever becoming a mother.
"I better help you out here, God." That's what I thought to myself. Clearly all of this praying and waiting was getting me no where it seemed. I met so many "nice" guys, or at least guys that seemed to be, and nothing. Nada. Zilch. Sure, they'd hang out with me. They'd sit by me at church or talk to me on campus, but no one would ever ask me on a date. What was I doing so wrong? What was wrong with me? I was in a pool of 30,000 students. This was supposed to be the breeding ground of marriages. This was where I was supposed to meet my forever. The love of my life. After all, that's what everyone else appeared to be doing and that's what society was telling me. And so I decided that I'd go ahead and help God out, speed things up a bit, and make sure my heart's desires were met. Even if that meant compromise. Even if that meant pursuing my own will over God's. Even if that meant tripping over roadblocks and powering through divinely placed obstacles. Even if that meant disobeying God.
But God didn't need my help. God needed me to get out of the way. To slow down, listen, and accept what He was doing. He needed me to fully submit to His will. He needed me to trust Him. To quit worrying about my timeline, about what everyone else was doing, and remember that He was in control. That he had, and has, a plan for my life. He needed me to accept what was instead of trying to force what I wanted to be. To rely on Him completely. He didn't need my help. He knew the desires of my heart because He placed them there, and He knew exactly how and when He would meet them. He had it all worked out.
Of course, hindsight is 20/20 isn't it? And when I look back, I see this truth. I see that God had a plan all along and that plan was to meet the desires He placed in my heart long ago. Not when I expected, and certainly not how I expected. Not on my timeline, either, and not according to my ways or anyone else's. He had a better plan that required waiting. That required submitting completely. That required letting go of what I wanted, when I wanted, and saying, "Okay, God, you're the only one who can make this happen so I am just laying it in your hands and leaving it there." And it required dwelling. Keeping my eyes on Him. Letting Him lead me rather than running ahead of Him and trying to forge the path that I so desperately wanted.
If you would have told me I would meet my forever, the love of my life, after a series of unfortunate events on a blind date and get married a few months before my 26th birthday, I would have rolled my eyes. If you would have told me that I would give birth to my first child a few months before my third decade of life would begin, I would have laughed. If you would have told me that I would have to spend a good 6 years of my post-college life facing one job disappointment after another before finding one that I really loved and enjoyed, I would have cringed.
And if you were to ask me if I would do it all over again, I absolutely would. But this time, I would do it God's way and save myself a lot of work, stress, and worry along the way. And if you were to ask me if I plan on helping God through the years to come, I'll tell you that I don't. I plan on letting Him do His job in planting and meeting the desires of my heart, and I'll wait on Him to do exactly that.
"Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it's the Lord's purpose that prevails." - Proverbs 19:21
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