when things don't go as planned... because with children, and life, they never do...
I went to the doctor last week for a routine check up. I mentioned that my stomach was itching. Not just a little annoying itch, but the type of itch that I couldn't stop scratching. Honestly, I felt like I was turning a bit into a hillbilly with the amount of stomach scratching that was going on. My doctor talked with me about a few possibilities, gave me a prescription, and told me to come back for a visit in the next few days to see how my body was reacting to the medicine.
I went back on Tuesday and learned that due to the reaction of my body to the medicine, I was going to be induced at 37 weeks. My mouth dropped open in shock. I completely misunderstood the information from my previous appointment, so I was thinking I was in the clear. Anyway, the doctor said, "Well, I guess that means she's coming on October 7." Like three weeks away, October 7. And as I tried my best to quickly process the news, I couldn't quite decide how I felt about it.
Annabeth, we've had a good start. Pregnancy has been a sweet season, and all the things I initially feared about pregnancy have not come to pass. Not a single one! We had a little bit of a concern about a month ago, as you seemed to be measuring small, but we, along with our friends and family, diligently prayed that God would help you grow, and did you ever! A whole pound in two weeks, and you look perfect! I am constantly amazed at how much my stomach has grown even though many sweet people keep telling me that I don't look near as pregnant as I should. I appreciate their complements as I have a feeling they're just being extra nice. But each time I step on the scale, there is clear proof of growth. Each time I look at myself in the mirror, I am amazed at my middle. And each time I feel you move, feel your little legs kick, or feel you hiccup, I wonder what it's going to be like to hold you in my arms.
Can I just be honest with you? I'm a little nervous. I know you're not, and that does help me feel a bit relieved. Thankfully, for the both of us, we don't have anything to compare one another to. But I am going through a lot of change. You are, too, I know. We both are. And although I've not been overly emotional during this time, I am starting to get there. Because I start thinking about how different our life will be with you in it. Right now, we have this really lovely little routine that will no longer exist, and I really love routines. I'm hoping you take after me in that regard. We'll see. Anyway, I'm doing my best to be brave and calm because I know we'll figure this out together. There's no rush to solve all of the world's problems right now. After all, we've got years to learn. I want the best for you, and I love you, so I am pretty certain those two things right there will keep us on the right track. Plus, I know the Lord will walk us through this new chapter just as He has all of the others. At least, that's what I am depending on. That's what I'm praying for.
A few days ago, a friend asked me if I had a verse picked out for you. I thought about it, and the verse that came to mind was Proverbs 3:5-6. This was a verse I learned as a little girl, and it is one that has stuck with me since. It says, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight."
Life is full of twists and turns. Some expected, some not. To tell you the truth, most of them are unexpected. And even though I learned that verse so many years ago, I really didn't understand it or practice it. You see, I'm a planner. Not only do I like to create plans, I like for those plans to be accurately followed. But life has shown me that plans, no matter how well crafted and intended, are worthless if they aren't God's plans. If we spend all of our time coming up with a plan that doesn't line up with His, then we've wasted our time. And so you may be thinking, "So should I never plan anything?" No, you should plan. But you should plan to be flexible. You should plan to be willing to bend and change. And you should plan in pencil so you can erase and rewrite... and maybe even erase again. Because sometimes God doesn't make the full plan clear up front, and so you have to keep trusting Him. You have to keep leaning on Him for help and wisdom even though you're tempted to forge your own path or listen to what others have to say. Trust me, you'll hear all sorts of opinions, you'll be bombarded with many different options, but you have to keep acknowledging God. You have to look to Him and say, "Okay, God. What's next? I don't know, but you do. I know you've got a plan, and I am trusting in that plan so please make it clear. I want to be sure I am making the right decision here. I want to be sure I am moving in the right direction. And I don't want to go without you."
That's my prayer for you and for me, Annabeth. Let's trust God, and then let's keep on trusting Him. And when we aren't sure, let's just do what we know we need to do - trust Him. And when we're afraid, let's trust Him. Let's acknowledge Him in all of our ways regardless of how scared, confident, anxious, or certain we are. Let's seek His help. Let's ask for His guidance. Let's keep our eyes focused on Him through all of the twists and turns that come our way. Because He will show us. He will keep us on the path. And He will be faithful to lead us forward from one chapter to the next.
I went back on Tuesday and learned that due to the reaction of my body to the medicine, I was going to be induced at 37 weeks. My mouth dropped open in shock. I completely misunderstood the information from my previous appointment, so I was thinking I was in the clear. Anyway, the doctor said, "Well, I guess that means she's coming on October 7." Like three weeks away, October 7. And as I tried my best to quickly process the news, I couldn't quite decide how I felt about it.
Annabeth, we've had a good start. Pregnancy has been a sweet season, and all the things I initially feared about pregnancy have not come to pass. Not a single one! We had a little bit of a concern about a month ago, as you seemed to be measuring small, but we, along with our friends and family, diligently prayed that God would help you grow, and did you ever! A whole pound in two weeks, and you look perfect! I am constantly amazed at how much my stomach has grown even though many sweet people keep telling me that I don't look near as pregnant as I should. I appreciate their complements as I have a feeling they're just being extra nice. But each time I step on the scale, there is clear proof of growth. Each time I look at myself in the mirror, I am amazed at my middle. And each time I feel you move, feel your little legs kick, or feel you hiccup, I wonder what it's going to be like to hold you in my arms.
Can I just be honest with you? I'm a little nervous. I know you're not, and that does help me feel a bit relieved. Thankfully, for the both of us, we don't have anything to compare one another to. But I am going through a lot of change. You are, too, I know. We both are. And although I've not been overly emotional during this time, I am starting to get there. Because I start thinking about how different our life will be with you in it. Right now, we have this really lovely little routine that will no longer exist, and I really love routines. I'm hoping you take after me in that regard. We'll see. Anyway, I'm doing my best to be brave and calm because I know we'll figure this out together. There's no rush to solve all of the world's problems right now. After all, we've got years to learn. I want the best for you, and I love you, so I am pretty certain those two things right there will keep us on the right track. Plus, I know the Lord will walk us through this new chapter just as He has all of the others. At least, that's what I am depending on. That's what I'm praying for.
A few days ago, a friend asked me if I had a verse picked out for you. I thought about it, and the verse that came to mind was Proverbs 3:5-6. This was a verse I learned as a little girl, and it is one that has stuck with me since. It says, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight."
Life is full of twists and turns. Some expected, some not. To tell you the truth, most of them are unexpected. And even though I learned that verse so many years ago, I really didn't understand it or practice it. You see, I'm a planner. Not only do I like to create plans, I like for those plans to be accurately followed. But life has shown me that plans, no matter how well crafted and intended, are worthless if they aren't God's plans. If we spend all of our time coming up with a plan that doesn't line up with His, then we've wasted our time. And so you may be thinking, "So should I never plan anything?" No, you should plan. But you should plan to be flexible. You should plan to be willing to bend and change. And you should plan in pencil so you can erase and rewrite... and maybe even erase again. Because sometimes God doesn't make the full plan clear up front, and so you have to keep trusting Him. You have to keep leaning on Him for help and wisdom even though you're tempted to forge your own path or listen to what others have to say. Trust me, you'll hear all sorts of opinions, you'll be bombarded with many different options, but you have to keep acknowledging God. You have to look to Him and say, "Okay, God. What's next? I don't know, but you do. I know you've got a plan, and I am trusting in that plan so please make it clear. I want to be sure I am making the right decision here. I want to be sure I am moving in the right direction. And I don't want to go without you."
That's my prayer for you and for me, Annabeth. Let's trust God, and then let's keep on trusting Him. And when we aren't sure, let's just do what we know we need to do - trust Him. And when we're afraid, let's trust Him. Let's acknowledge Him in all of our ways regardless of how scared, confident, anxious, or certain we are. Let's seek His help. Let's ask for His guidance. Let's keep our eyes focused on Him through all of the twists and turns that come our way. Because He will show us. He will keep us on the path. And He will be faithful to lead us forward from one chapter to the next.
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