life is not a competition...
I assumed I'd always hate October. A month that, for many years, I had no hard feelings towards. But that changed on the first day of October five years ago, and I really didn't think God could possibly change my outlook on that season as it threatened to be a cruel reminder year after year.
I felt like I had failed at life. Completely failed. I looked at my life, at the lives of my friends and even people I hard knew, and I felt like I was losing. A loser. I had hardly anything, it seemed, to show other than disappointment. And the more I compared my life to the lives of others, the more discouraged I became. I once read that comparison is the thief of joy, and I learned that lesson well. There's no better way to get down on yourself than to compare your inside to someone else's outside. And thinking you have nothing to be thankful for will certainly lead you down a dark road.
I felt like I was supposed to have accomplished much at that point in my life. I did not expect to be starting back at square 1... with everything. Everything I had known, had grown comfortable with, had expected to go well, and had placed by trust in, had failed me. Everything except God, that is. My entire life was turned upside down, and not only did I feel like I had lost the game of life at an early age, I was humiliated. I had no friends who could understand, and most of the things people said to me ended up doing more damage than good. People are well intended. Unfortunately, their words don't always prove it. And so October turned into the longest, darkest, most difficult month I had ever experienced. It seemed that it took a good year for 31 days to pass, and as much as I wished it would end, part of me was even more scared to move forward because I had no clue what the next month held.
I met this guy in a different season. A season where healing had already come. Loneliness was gone. Tears had long dried up, and joy was obvious. It was a season of light, of warmth, of good days. I never saw him coming. He didn't expect me, either. But we met, and I soon learned that his birthday fell in October. The month I hated. The month I despised and fully believed I could never possibly enjoy again. But that October, we celebrated his life in a big way, and I realized that maybe I was wrong to assume that I'd never learn to love and appreciate October.
We married the next year and we have celebrated his life every October. Just when I thought God was through redeeming the month for me, we learned that there was more in store. More than we could have expected or planned, even if we had tried. And the first time I took a positive pregnancy test and plugged the date into my What To Expect app, I learned that our first child would be born in October. October, the month that God has redeemed time and time again. A month full of celebrating the people I love the most. A month full of new life. Of unexpected blessings and answered prayers. And when I look back at October five years ago, I realize that I wasn't losing. I just had to hang in there and keep playing.
And so do you. Because life is not a competition. I know it can easily feel that way, but God's plan for your life is based on one thing - God's plan for your life. He isn't concerned about whether or not you're keeping up with what everyone else is doing or that you're keeping up with your own timeline for that matter. Who cares if you get there "first" or if you pull up "last." Trust me, you're the only one counting. Life isn't a race to see who we can beat or who we can out-do. Life is too sweet to be lived competitively as if there really are winners in losers in the end. After all, we're each going to get a slice of the pie, as I heard someone once say, because God has the ability to make the pie bigger. He isn't going to take from one to give to another. He gives to each what He wants each to have - when He wants them to have it. And so we need to celebrate the good things and we have to trust that God not only can, but will, redeem the difficult ones. How? Well, however He chooses. We just have to hang in there and see what He has in store. Whatever it is, it will happen at just the right time according to His plan for your life.
"Be glad, people of Zion, rejoice in the Lord your God, for he has given you the autumn rains because he is faithful. He sends you abundant showers, both autumn and spring rains, as before. The threshing floors will be filled with grain; the vats will overflow with new wine and oil. “I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten...You will have plenty to eat, until you are full, and you will praise the name of the Lord your God, who has worked wonders for you, never again will my people be shamed. Then you will know that I am in Israel, that I am the Lord your God, and that there is no other; never again will my people be shamed." - Joel 2:23-27
I felt like I had failed at life. Completely failed. I looked at my life, at the lives of my friends and even people I hard knew, and I felt like I was losing. A loser. I had hardly anything, it seemed, to show other than disappointment. And the more I compared my life to the lives of others, the more discouraged I became. I once read that comparison is the thief of joy, and I learned that lesson well. There's no better way to get down on yourself than to compare your inside to someone else's outside. And thinking you have nothing to be thankful for will certainly lead you down a dark road.
I felt like I was supposed to have accomplished much at that point in my life. I did not expect to be starting back at square 1... with everything. Everything I had known, had grown comfortable with, had expected to go well, and had placed by trust in, had failed me. Everything except God, that is. My entire life was turned upside down, and not only did I feel like I had lost the game of life at an early age, I was humiliated. I had no friends who could understand, and most of the things people said to me ended up doing more damage than good. People are well intended. Unfortunately, their words don't always prove it. And so October turned into the longest, darkest, most difficult month I had ever experienced. It seemed that it took a good year for 31 days to pass, and as much as I wished it would end, part of me was even more scared to move forward because I had no clue what the next month held.
I met this guy in a different season. A season where healing had already come. Loneliness was gone. Tears had long dried up, and joy was obvious. It was a season of light, of warmth, of good days. I never saw him coming. He didn't expect me, either. But we met, and I soon learned that his birthday fell in October. The month I hated. The month I despised and fully believed I could never possibly enjoy again. But that October, we celebrated his life in a big way, and I realized that maybe I was wrong to assume that I'd never learn to love and appreciate October.
We married the next year and we have celebrated his life every October. Just when I thought God was through redeeming the month for me, we learned that there was more in store. More than we could have expected or planned, even if we had tried. And the first time I took a positive pregnancy test and plugged the date into my What To Expect app, I learned that our first child would be born in October. October, the month that God has redeemed time and time again. A month full of celebrating the people I love the most. A month full of new life. Of unexpected blessings and answered prayers. And when I look back at October five years ago, I realize that I wasn't losing. I just had to hang in there and keep playing.
And so do you. Because life is not a competition. I know it can easily feel that way, but God's plan for your life is based on one thing - God's plan for your life. He isn't concerned about whether or not you're keeping up with what everyone else is doing or that you're keeping up with your own timeline for that matter. Who cares if you get there "first" or if you pull up "last." Trust me, you're the only one counting. Life isn't a race to see who we can beat or who we can out-do. Life is too sweet to be lived competitively as if there really are winners in losers in the end. After all, we're each going to get a slice of the pie, as I heard someone once say, because God has the ability to make the pie bigger. He isn't going to take from one to give to another. He gives to each what He wants each to have - when He wants them to have it. And so we need to celebrate the good things and we have to trust that God not only can, but will, redeem the difficult ones. How? Well, however He chooses. We just have to hang in there and see what He has in store. Whatever it is, it will happen at just the right time according to His plan for your life.
"Be glad, people of Zion, rejoice in the Lord your God, for he has given you the autumn rains because he is faithful. He sends you abundant showers, both autumn and spring rains, as before. The threshing floors will be filled with grain; the vats will overflow with new wine and oil. “I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten...You will have plenty to eat, until you are full, and you will praise the name of the Lord your God, who has worked wonders for you, never again will my people be shamed. Then you will know that I am in Israel, that I am the Lord your God, and that there is no other; never again will my people be shamed." - Joel 2:23-27
Comments
Post a Comment