one thing at a time...
I never really knew what I wanted to be when I grew up. That's why I picked accounting as a major. Because I had no idea what else I wanted to do. Of course, with a world full of possibilities, why would anyone pick accounting that didn't actually want to do accounting? That's a good question. I have my answers, and if you've read any of my blogs about work, you know why.
Before I graduated college, I thought I might be this powerful business woman. That maybe I'd dress really fancy and do important things. I'd carry around a briefcase (nobody does that anymore), and wear pencil skirts with high heels. I quickly realized I wouldn't be that woman when I decided there was no possible way I'd ever be a work-a-holic. Why would anyone want to spend all of their time working when there are plenty of other things to do that are more fun? There was no way I was going to go up to the office on a Saturday when I could be shopping, going to a movie, or spending time with the people I love. Work is work. Life is short. And while part of me still wanted to be that pencil skirt, heel wearing woman, the majority of me did not want to give up what was required to become her.
When I stopped working to be a full time stay at home mom, my pride took a bit of a hit. When people ask you what you do for a living and you tell them you stay at home, they say, "Okay." That's it. Well, sometimes you get the sarcastic, "Well, that must be nice" comment. But no one says, "Wow! How selfless of you to give up your career to do that. You have such an awesome job! How exciting! And you are super important!" At least, no one has said that to me yet. Most people just assume that you sit around all day and watch Netflix while your child naps. That you have all the time in the world to get every thing done. That your life must be super relaxed, easy, and flexible. As if. Crawling in to bed way too late the other night, my husband said, "Man, I wish I could just stay home with you tomorrow and sleep all day." Yea, I wish I could sleep all day, too. Especially when my alarm clock starts babbling from her bed before the sun comes up.
I suppose if I consider staying at home a job, then I really am a work-a-holic. I don't get weekends or holidays, and my job never stops. But there has yet to be a day where I have wished to be back in the office. I don't even think about it anymore. I don't long for it like I thought I would. And although I know that God has designed me to do this, I struggle with guilt. I struggle with feeling like I'm not doing enough. Like I'm not contributing enough. I need to do more. I need to find some way to make a little money to help out. I need to sell something, finish that book, work from home, get more followers on my blog, develop a craft or skill, become a mom-trepreneur. I need to do more than "just being a mom."
But one thing at a time, right? That's what the Lord began impressing upon my heart as I processed this thought. One thing at a time, one day at time. Because this season is just a moment in time. This is not the rest of my life. There will be a day when I'll probably find myself back in an office reminiscing about the season I had at home. And sure, it will be nice to have co-workers who let me go to the bathroom by myself, don't cry when I walk out of the room, don't pull my hair, or spit up all over my clothes. But I'll think about how much I miss kissing those chubby cheeks, snuggling her close while she drinks her bottle, seeing that gummy smile every time I look her way, and being her hero just because I'm her mom.
And so to the one who is "just a mom," that's just fine. That's all you need to be right now if that's all God has called you to right now. You are vitally important and what you're doing is, too. You won't get a pay raise for it, and you won't be getting any trophies for your hard work. It certainly won't boost your resume, and it's a sacrifice that may very well set you back should you enter the work force again some day. But no one can be a better mother to your child than you. And this sweet little lifelong project you've undertaken will go out into the world to do great things one day because of the great investment you've made in his or her life right now. So take it one day at a time. The hard days, the lonely days, the long days, and the thrilling days. Because each one comes to and end, and with each passing day, your baby is less of a baby. This isn't your life forever. But it is you're life right now. And isn't it a sweet one?
"She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness." - Proverbs 31:27
Before I graduated college, I thought I might be this powerful business woman. That maybe I'd dress really fancy and do important things. I'd carry around a briefcase (nobody does that anymore), and wear pencil skirts with high heels. I quickly realized I wouldn't be that woman when I decided there was no possible way I'd ever be a work-a-holic. Why would anyone want to spend all of their time working when there are plenty of other things to do that are more fun? There was no way I was going to go up to the office on a Saturday when I could be shopping, going to a movie, or spending time with the people I love. Work is work. Life is short. And while part of me still wanted to be that pencil skirt, heel wearing woman, the majority of me did not want to give up what was required to become her.
When I stopped working to be a full time stay at home mom, my pride took a bit of a hit. When people ask you what you do for a living and you tell them you stay at home, they say, "Okay." That's it. Well, sometimes you get the sarcastic, "Well, that must be nice" comment. But no one says, "Wow! How selfless of you to give up your career to do that. You have such an awesome job! How exciting! And you are super important!" At least, no one has said that to me yet. Most people just assume that you sit around all day and watch Netflix while your child naps. That you have all the time in the world to get every thing done. That your life must be super relaxed, easy, and flexible. As if. Crawling in to bed way too late the other night, my husband said, "Man, I wish I could just stay home with you tomorrow and sleep all day." Yea, I wish I could sleep all day, too. Especially when my alarm clock starts babbling from her bed before the sun comes up.
I suppose if I consider staying at home a job, then I really am a work-a-holic. I don't get weekends or holidays, and my job never stops. But there has yet to be a day where I have wished to be back in the office. I don't even think about it anymore. I don't long for it like I thought I would. And although I know that God has designed me to do this, I struggle with guilt. I struggle with feeling like I'm not doing enough. Like I'm not contributing enough. I need to do more. I need to find some way to make a little money to help out. I need to sell something, finish that book, work from home, get more followers on my blog, develop a craft or skill, become a mom-trepreneur. I need to do more than "just being a mom."
But one thing at a time, right? That's what the Lord began impressing upon my heart as I processed this thought. One thing at a time, one day at time. Because this season is just a moment in time. This is not the rest of my life. There will be a day when I'll probably find myself back in an office reminiscing about the season I had at home. And sure, it will be nice to have co-workers who let me go to the bathroom by myself, don't cry when I walk out of the room, don't pull my hair, or spit up all over my clothes. But I'll think about how much I miss kissing those chubby cheeks, snuggling her close while she drinks her bottle, seeing that gummy smile every time I look her way, and being her hero just because I'm her mom.
And so to the one who is "just a mom," that's just fine. That's all you need to be right now if that's all God has called you to right now. You are vitally important and what you're doing is, too. You won't get a pay raise for it, and you won't be getting any trophies for your hard work. It certainly won't boost your resume, and it's a sacrifice that may very well set you back should you enter the work force again some day. But no one can be a better mother to your child than you. And this sweet little lifelong project you've undertaken will go out into the world to do great things one day because of the great investment you've made in his or her life right now. So take it one day at a time. The hard days, the lonely days, the long days, and the thrilling days. Because each one comes to and end, and with each passing day, your baby is less of a baby. This isn't your life forever. But it is you're life right now. And isn't it a sweet one?
"She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness." - Proverbs 31:27
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