why you want to leave me?
You're 16 months old, Annabeth, and I'm four days late writing about it. These posts sneak up on me and by the time they arrive, I can hardly remember what all you've accomplished during the month from the previous post because you're learning, growing, and changing so quickly.
Just when I think you can't possibly get any cuter or more lovable, you prove me wrong. Your personality continues to grow leaps and bounds, and you're such a little ham. You'll do anything for a laugh! Your appetite has changed drastically over the past few weeks. You went from only eating fruit to basically eating nothing. I've found that you're always up for macaroni and cheese, so that's been on the menu quite a bit. You also have a love for pecans. We've been picking them from the tree in our backyard and I think it's quite adorable that you bring them to me and say, "Mo! Mo!" I really am amazed at how little you eat. I don't know how you're not starving considering the amount of energy you expend each day. I've worried about it a bit but remind myself that you'll eat when you're hungry. I suppose tiny gals have tiny tummies and those don't hold much food.
The biggest change you've gone through in the past few weeks is a struggle with separation anxiety. I used to be able to hand you off to anyone, anywhere, and you were completely content. I never expected you to become so attached. You've been independent from the start, rarely wanting to be held and never wanting to cuddle. Things have changed and now you want me to hold you all the time and you indulge me with some cuddles. I don't know if I did something to bring that on or if you've finally decided to stop playing hard to get. But as flattering as it is to be missed, it is so hard to drop you off at the nursery with tears and in your eyes and your arm wrapped around mine. I know you'll be fine, and I know this will pass, but I've been hoping and praying it would pass sooner than later. I want you to have fun with your friends and not cry for your mom because I'll always come back to get you.
But I get it. I get the fear of being alone. I've been there in more ways than one. In fact, when we went to our first MOPS meeting in August, I was filled with nerves. I know it sounds silly for a 30 year old woman to be nervous about attending a moms group every other week, but I didn't know what to expect. I didn't know if I would be accepted into a room of strangers. Would they all know each other and I would be the only new one? I seriously envisioned myself in a situation similar to being the new kid on the first day of school. Would I be sitting alone? Would I be welcomed? Would I fit in? Would anyone talk to me? But I have a few secrets I want to share with you because I know that one day you'll be afraid to do something on your own. One day I might not be able to be there with you, and so I don't want you to be scared. I want to set you up for success, and maybe these few things I have learned over the years will come in handy should that time come.
1. It's okay to feel afraid but don't let it hold you back.
I have learned that if you let fear take the lead, you'll find yourself missing out on a lot of great things. It's easy to sit at home in safety and comfort. It's hard to get out into the world and be around people, especially when you're by yourself. But you never know what each opportunity holds. Maybe it's a new friend. Maybe it's a job opportunity. Maybe it's a lesson you could have never learned otherwise. The more you do it, the easier it gets. You don't have a choice in where you go right now, which is kind of a bummer for you. One day, however, you will, and I don't want you sitting at home or in your dorm room sulking in loneliness simply because you're afraid to go somewhere alone. You really just need a few minutes of courage and you'll see that, if you can follow my next piece of advice, things will work out just fine.
2. Fake it until you make it.
Your ole momma is an introverted extrovert. People are often surprised to hear that, but the truth is that it is not my nature to be a socialite. I have to force myself into working a room and talking to people when I am away from home. I'd prefer to sit at the back and chat with those I know well, but that's not always an option. Really, there are two choices. You can either sit alone and hope that someone will wander over you to and say hello, which usually isn't the case because that type of body language often relays the message that you don't want to be social, or you can put on a brave face and be the one who strikes up conversations and gets to know others in the room. It doesn't matter if you're new and they're not. All you need to do is shake their hand, tell them your name, and then ask a few questions to try and find something you two can connect on. It doesn't have to be anything great, but people like to talk about themselves and they're more inclined to remember a friendly face than one who hid at the back of the room. This is basic friend making 101. I know it sounds simple, but it took me a long time to put this into practice. Once I did, many doors were opened and friendships were formed for which I am forever grateful.
3. You may feel like you're alone, but you never really are.
This is the beauty of our God, Annabeth. He is always with us! In fact, He promises to never leave nor forsake us. And so we might have trouble seeing him with our eyes, but we can trust in this promise that He is always there. The Bible tells us that God is omnipresent, which means He is everywhere at the same time. Isn't that amazing?! When you lie down to sleep in your bedroom at night, He is there. When you're in the car, on vacation, at the grocery store, and even in the nursery, He is there! In fact, you can't get away from Him. You're never out of His sight, thoughts, or reach. And the wonderful thing about God is that He will find away to make sure you understand and know that you're not alone. That He is watching and that He is aware. Psalm 56:3 says, "When I am afraid I will trust in you." And so when we find ourselves feeling alone and afraid, we simply need to trust in God. He never fails!
Well, are you wondering how MOPS went? We showed up to find that one of your church friends was also in the nursery along with a precious teacher who really took up with you. I headed upstairs into a room of about 120 women, seeing unfamiliar faces the whole way. When I arrived to check in I was informed I would be at table six. I scanned the room to locate my table only to discover that I knew 3 of the other moms I would be sitting with! How about that?! My heart was so grateful, and I thanked the Lord for being gracious to work that out so nicely for me. He is so kind to me! I met a sweet group of moms who have been a joy to get to know over the past many months. Had I never gone, I wouldn't have met them and I'd certainly be missing out.
One of my favorite movies is My Big Fat Greek Wedding. The main character lives with her parents and works at their restaurant. One day she decides she wants to go to college so she can start a new career. As she tells her father, he tearfully replies in a heavy Greek accent, "Why you want to leave me?" It's a cute moment that, I think, shows how all parents really feel when their babies start growing up and moving away from the nest. Right now, I think the roles are reversed and you feel this way a few times a week. But I want you to know that I never want to leave you. Ever. I hate being away from you just as much as you hate it. too. When we're apart, I think of you the whole time and look forward to the moment I get to swoop you up and plant a big kiss on those sweet cheeks of yours. But I know this season will pass. I know you'll get braver as time goes by and the tears will dry up, too. But I want you to remember that no matter where you are, no matter how you feel, you are never truly alone. You have a God who loves you and is always beside you, and you've got a momma who will always, always come back for you!
"I know the Lord is always with me. I will not be shaken for He is right beside me." - Psalm 16:8
Just when I think you can't possibly get any cuter or more lovable, you prove me wrong. Your personality continues to grow leaps and bounds, and you're such a little ham. You'll do anything for a laugh! Your appetite has changed drastically over the past few weeks. You went from only eating fruit to basically eating nothing. I've found that you're always up for macaroni and cheese, so that's been on the menu quite a bit. You also have a love for pecans. We've been picking them from the tree in our backyard and I think it's quite adorable that you bring them to me and say, "Mo! Mo!" I really am amazed at how little you eat. I don't know how you're not starving considering the amount of energy you expend each day. I've worried about it a bit but remind myself that you'll eat when you're hungry. I suppose tiny gals have tiny tummies and those don't hold much food.
The biggest change you've gone through in the past few weeks is a struggle with separation anxiety. I used to be able to hand you off to anyone, anywhere, and you were completely content. I never expected you to become so attached. You've been independent from the start, rarely wanting to be held and never wanting to cuddle. Things have changed and now you want me to hold you all the time and you indulge me with some cuddles. I don't know if I did something to bring that on or if you've finally decided to stop playing hard to get. But as flattering as it is to be missed, it is so hard to drop you off at the nursery with tears and in your eyes and your arm wrapped around mine. I know you'll be fine, and I know this will pass, but I've been hoping and praying it would pass sooner than later. I want you to have fun with your friends and not cry for your mom because I'll always come back to get you.
But I get it. I get the fear of being alone. I've been there in more ways than one. In fact, when we went to our first MOPS meeting in August, I was filled with nerves. I know it sounds silly for a 30 year old woman to be nervous about attending a moms group every other week, but I didn't know what to expect. I didn't know if I would be accepted into a room of strangers. Would they all know each other and I would be the only new one? I seriously envisioned myself in a situation similar to being the new kid on the first day of school. Would I be sitting alone? Would I be welcomed? Would I fit in? Would anyone talk to me? But I have a few secrets I want to share with you because I know that one day you'll be afraid to do something on your own. One day I might not be able to be there with you, and so I don't want you to be scared. I want to set you up for success, and maybe these few things I have learned over the years will come in handy should that time come.
1. It's okay to feel afraid but don't let it hold you back.
I have learned that if you let fear take the lead, you'll find yourself missing out on a lot of great things. It's easy to sit at home in safety and comfort. It's hard to get out into the world and be around people, especially when you're by yourself. But you never know what each opportunity holds. Maybe it's a new friend. Maybe it's a job opportunity. Maybe it's a lesson you could have never learned otherwise. The more you do it, the easier it gets. You don't have a choice in where you go right now, which is kind of a bummer for you. One day, however, you will, and I don't want you sitting at home or in your dorm room sulking in loneliness simply because you're afraid to go somewhere alone. You really just need a few minutes of courage and you'll see that, if you can follow my next piece of advice, things will work out just fine.
2. Fake it until you make it.
Your ole momma is an introverted extrovert. People are often surprised to hear that, but the truth is that it is not my nature to be a socialite. I have to force myself into working a room and talking to people when I am away from home. I'd prefer to sit at the back and chat with those I know well, but that's not always an option. Really, there are two choices. You can either sit alone and hope that someone will wander over you to and say hello, which usually isn't the case because that type of body language often relays the message that you don't want to be social, or you can put on a brave face and be the one who strikes up conversations and gets to know others in the room. It doesn't matter if you're new and they're not. All you need to do is shake their hand, tell them your name, and then ask a few questions to try and find something you two can connect on. It doesn't have to be anything great, but people like to talk about themselves and they're more inclined to remember a friendly face than one who hid at the back of the room. This is basic friend making 101. I know it sounds simple, but it took me a long time to put this into practice. Once I did, many doors were opened and friendships were formed for which I am forever grateful.
3. You may feel like you're alone, but you never really are.
This is the beauty of our God, Annabeth. He is always with us! In fact, He promises to never leave nor forsake us. And so we might have trouble seeing him with our eyes, but we can trust in this promise that He is always there. The Bible tells us that God is omnipresent, which means He is everywhere at the same time. Isn't that amazing?! When you lie down to sleep in your bedroom at night, He is there. When you're in the car, on vacation, at the grocery store, and even in the nursery, He is there! In fact, you can't get away from Him. You're never out of His sight, thoughts, or reach. And the wonderful thing about God is that He will find away to make sure you understand and know that you're not alone. That He is watching and that He is aware. Psalm 56:3 says, "When I am afraid I will trust in you." And so when we find ourselves feeling alone and afraid, we simply need to trust in God. He never fails!
Well, are you wondering how MOPS went? We showed up to find that one of your church friends was also in the nursery along with a precious teacher who really took up with you. I headed upstairs into a room of about 120 women, seeing unfamiliar faces the whole way. When I arrived to check in I was informed I would be at table six. I scanned the room to locate my table only to discover that I knew 3 of the other moms I would be sitting with! How about that?! My heart was so grateful, and I thanked the Lord for being gracious to work that out so nicely for me. He is so kind to me! I met a sweet group of moms who have been a joy to get to know over the past many months. Had I never gone, I wouldn't have met them and I'd certainly be missing out.
One of my favorite movies is My Big Fat Greek Wedding. The main character lives with her parents and works at their restaurant. One day she decides she wants to go to college so she can start a new career. As she tells her father, he tearfully replies in a heavy Greek accent, "Why you want to leave me?" It's a cute moment that, I think, shows how all parents really feel when their babies start growing up and moving away from the nest. Right now, I think the roles are reversed and you feel this way a few times a week. But I want you to know that I never want to leave you. Ever. I hate being away from you just as much as you hate it. too. When we're apart, I think of you the whole time and look forward to the moment I get to swoop you up and plant a big kiss on those sweet cheeks of yours. But I know this season will pass. I know you'll get braver as time goes by and the tears will dry up, too. But I want you to remember that no matter where you are, no matter how you feel, you are never truly alone. You have a God who loves you and is always beside you, and you've got a momma who will always, always come back for you!
"I know the Lord is always with me. I will not be shaken for He is right beside me." - Psalm 16:8
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