one day...
You intentionally bit me for the first time today, Annebeth. We've had a couple of biting instances over the past year but they were mostly induced from excitement. Today's incident was clearly due to frustration on your part, and as I took a shower tonight, thinking through our day and praying that God would help me be a good mother, I was given a little insight I wanted to share with you.
You've got an independent spirit, and I'm not the least bit surprised by that. Your dad and I love to let you try new things and often treat you as if you're older than you really are. Sometimes we forget that you only have 18 months of life under your tiny belt. I decided to take your bottle away over the weekend, which has gone surprisingly smooth. This was the one "baby" thing that I held on to because, selfishly, bottle time was also snuggle time. And because you're not a fan of sitting, those were the only minutes of snuggling I got each day. I also made excuses that you needed your bottle because you're so tiny. I tried taking your bottle away when you turned one. You never protested loudly but you would hardly drink anything. I was afraid you were going to become dehydrated so I decided you could keep your bottle a little longer. Plus, you need all the extra calories you can get and seeing you giggle each time I poured you a bottle of milk melted my heart.
But growing up is hard. We have to let go of things as we add time to our age, and so it was time for the bottles to go. No more excuses. I put all of the bottles away and started pouring your milk into sippy cups so you could see that you were still getting milk. It's not your preferred method yet, but you're adjusting fine. The issue we run into with cups is that you are fascinated with them. Anytime you see a cup, straw, coffee mug, water bottle, or any container that holds liquids for that matter, you want to take a drink from it. And you know how to. You've used bath time to learn how to drink from a cup like a "big kid," and you're doing it well. I know you think you know what you're doing and feel confident in your abilities. I also know how often you take gulps of water, spitting it out everywhere as you choke on the surplus, and that you often spill the contents. There is a big difference between drinking from a cup with you're in the bathtub surrounded by water than when you're fully clothed standing in the kitchen. I'm happy to let you do one of those options on your own because there is no damage to be done and no messes to be made. The bathtub is a safe place for water. Drinking from a cup anywhere else requires my help for now because you're just not ready to do it on your own.
And so we found ourselves standing in the kitchen drinking from a cup with no lid. I held the cup up to your mouth for assisted sips while you clutched the lid in your other hand. Making it known that you were ready to stand on your own feet, I tried to pour the water out of the cup. You grabbed hold of it with a death grip and yelled, "No! No!" I explained that if you wanted to hold the cup on your own you had to use the lid or I was going to pour the water out. Clearly, neither choice was an option to you. And so I tried to screw the lid onto the cup at which point you placed your little mouth on the top of my hand and bit down with a vengeance. It didn't end well for either one of us. I know you didn't understand why I wasn't allowing what you wanted. You may have thought I misunderstood you, but I knew exactly what you desired and I knew it wouldn't work. Why, you ask? Because you still need cup drinking practice. It's nothing against you personally. I love you with all my heart and want you to be happy, but you just aren't ready. Not yet, at least. One day you will be. One day you won't need my help at all, but it's going to take some work on both of our parts to get you there. You've simply got to trust me in these moments even if you don't like how things are turning out.
But I'm preaching to the choir, sister, because I am in the same boat as you. Here's the deal. I've been praying about something for a long time. Like years. And I've tried, at times, to be understanding. I've tried my best to see it from a different point of view, but I am not getting it. I don't understand and I don't know how else to ask. I don't know what else to say to make my desires any more clear. I feel like what I've asked is a good thing. I feel like it's something I can handle just fine. I am confident that I could do this and have had enough time practicing that I'm ready. And so I understand your feelings. I know exactly what you're going through. But it's in these moments of doubt and frustration that I have to simply trust God. I have to trust that he is hearing me, that he does know what I am asking, and that he does love me and wants what's best not only for me but for his name's sake. And maybe, like you, I'm just not ready. Maybe I've still got some learning and growing and changing to do to get to that point where he allows these desires to become realities. Or maybe God knows that what I want isn't really what I need. That's hard to admit, but that could definitely be the case because God created me and wrote out each one of my days before they came to pass. If anyone is aware of what needs to happen and when it needs to happen, it's God. And so I am choosing to trust Him even if thought I am uncertain and not totally pleased with the results thus far, Because He knows when I am ready or if I'll ever be. And should that day come, He'll know when the time is right. And until then I suppose, like you, I'll keep practicing, trusting, and praying that one day I'll finally be ready.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6
You've got an independent spirit, and I'm not the least bit surprised by that. Your dad and I love to let you try new things and often treat you as if you're older than you really are. Sometimes we forget that you only have 18 months of life under your tiny belt. I decided to take your bottle away over the weekend, which has gone surprisingly smooth. This was the one "baby" thing that I held on to because, selfishly, bottle time was also snuggle time. And because you're not a fan of sitting, those were the only minutes of snuggling I got each day. I also made excuses that you needed your bottle because you're so tiny. I tried taking your bottle away when you turned one. You never protested loudly but you would hardly drink anything. I was afraid you were going to become dehydrated so I decided you could keep your bottle a little longer. Plus, you need all the extra calories you can get and seeing you giggle each time I poured you a bottle of milk melted my heart.
But growing up is hard. We have to let go of things as we add time to our age, and so it was time for the bottles to go. No more excuses. I put all of the bottles away and started pouring your milk into sippy cups so you could see that you were still getting milk. It's not your preferred method yet, but you're adjusting fine. The issue we run into with cups is that you are fascinated with them. Anytime you see a cup, straw, coffee mug, water bottle, or any container that holds liquids for that matter, you want to take a drink from it. And you know how to. You've used bath time to learn how to drink from a cup like a "big kid," and you're doing it well. I know you think you know what you're doing and feel confident in your abilities. I also know how often you take gulps of water, spitting it out everywhere as you choke on the surplus, and that you often spill the contents. There is a big difference between drinking from a cup with you're in the bathtub surrounded by water than when you're fully clothed standing in the kitchen. I'm happy to let you do one of those options on your own because there is no damage to be done and no messes to be made. The bathtub is a safe place for water. Drinking from a cup anywhere else requires my help for now because you're just not ready to do it on your own.
And so we found ourselves standing in the kitchen drinking from a cup with no lid. I held the cup up to your mouth for assisted sips while you clutched the lid in your other hand. Making it known that you were ready to stand on your own feet, I tried to pour the water out of the cup. You grabbed hold of it with a death grip and yelled, "No! No!" I explained that if you wanted to hold the cup on your own you had to use the lid or I was going to pour the water out. Clearly, neither choice was an option to you. And so I tried to screw the lid onto the cup at which point you placed your little mouth on the top of my hand and bit down with a vengeance. It didn't end well for either one of us. I know you didn't understand why I wasn't allowing what you wanted. You may have thought I misunderstood you, but I knew exactly what you desired and I knew it wouldn't work. Why, you ask? Because you still need cup drinking practice. It's nothing against you personally. I love you with all my heart and want you to be happy, but you just aren't ready. Not yet, at least. One day you will be. One day you won't need my help at all, but it's going to take some work on both of our parts to get you there. You've simply got to trust me in these moments even if you don't like how things are turning out.
But I'm preaching to the choir, sister, because I am in the same boat as you. Here's the deal. I've been praying about something for a long time. Like years. And I've tried, at times, to be understanding. I've tried my best to see it from a different point of view, but I am not getting it. I don't understand and I don't know how else to ask. I don't know what else to say to make my desires any more clear. I feel like what I've asked is a good thing. I feel like it's something I can handle just fine. I am confident that I could do this and have had enough time practicing that I'm ready. And so I understand your feelings. I know exactly what you're going through. But it's in these moments of doubt and frustration that I have to simply trust God. I have to trust that he is hearing me, that he does know what I am asking, and that he does love me and wants what's best not only for me but for his name's sake. And maybe, like you, I'm just not ready. Maybe I've still got some learning and growing and changing to do to get to that point where he allows these desires to become realities. Or maybe God knows that what I want isn't really what I need. That's hard to admit, but that could definitely be the case because God created me and wrote out each one of my days before they came to pass. If anyone is aware of what needs to happen and when it needs to happen, it's God. And so I am choosing to trust Him even if thought I am uncertain and not totally pleased with the results thus far, Because He knows when I am ready or if I'll ever be. And should that day come, He'll know when the time is right. And until then I suppose, like you, I'll keep practicing, trusting, and praying that one day I'll finally be ready.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6
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