the summer in prison...
I spent the summer between my first and second year of college in prison. Serving in a prison ministry, I should clarify. Have I share this before? Honestly, I can't remember, and I'm not about to search through 1200 blog posts to see if I have. It seems like that summer was a lifetime ago, as so much has happened between now and then, but as I washed dishes after dinner tonight I heard the song I sang at each prison we visited that summer and memories came flooding back.
I had just finished my first year in junior college and was still living at home. Having plugged into the college ministry at my home church the fall before, I had joined a class that challenged us to read through the Bible in a year. I grew up in a Christian home, so you would have thought that I had accomplished that task long before then. I was working on reading through the Daily Walk Bible from cover to cover. Each day had a portion of scripture reading along with a little devotional and prayer. I wish with all of my heart that I would have marked the page that caused the prayer I prayed but I have long since forgotten which one it was. I do, however, remember that the devotional had something to do with serving God and stepping outside of your comfort zone. Truth be told, serving God often calls us to step outside of our comfort zone. I had no clue what I could possibly do to serve God, but I prayed that God would send an opportunity along and show me how I could best serve Him in that season of life.
I woke up to the house phone ringing the next morning. Actually, it was probably closer to noon. Oh, the days of sleeping until lunch. Those are long gone! Anyway, I was greeted by the voice of an older gentleman. It was an unfamiliar voice but he was asking to speak to me by name. He introduced himself, Joe was his name, and told me all about a prison ministry he had been running for many years. He said, "I always look for a new group of students to travel with me during the summer. We go to prisons all over Texas and Oklahoma to put on concerts and spread the gospel. I was given your name and told you could sing. Would you be interested?" My jaw almost hit the floor. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Immediately, the words I had read the night before came back to mind and I knew this was the opportunity God was giving me. I told him I was definitely interested and we arranged a meeting for later in the week.
Joe and his precious wife drove to my hometown to meet me and hear me sing. Before we move on, I feel like I need to discuss my musical history and abilities for a moment. I grew up singing in church and was in choir until high school. I played in the band for three years and took many years of piano lessons, none of which have stuck with me by the way. I can sing on pitch, but I'd never find myself making it past the auditions on American Idol or getting a turned chair on The Voice. And although I had grown up singing church solos I was always a nervous wreck when I had to sing in front of a crowd. There were definitely performances that ended with tears of embarrassment. My voice often seemed to find a way to fail me when I needed it most, so thank goodness I was always singing in front of people who loved the Lord and loved me.
My mom sat down to the piano to play a familiar hymn, and I nervously made my way through it shaky voice and all. God must have deafened Joe's ears because he still extended the invitation. The thought of spending my summer driving all over the south to visit prisons wasn't the most glamorous idea but I knew this was how God was calling me to serve him because never in a million years would this have been an option I would have come up with on my own.
I met the rest of the group to quickly discover I was the weakest link. Unfortunately, Joe couldn't find any boys to go along with us, which was probably the best thing in retrospect. He hit the road with a van full of women, all who were more talented than me. The other girls had incredible voices, knew how to play instruments, and could beautifully harmonize. Two of them were bilingual and one was a song writer. And then there was me. I couldn't do a thing other than sing the melody. We wore matching outfits selected by a senior citizen, slept in church gymnasiums, ate in prison cafeterias for dinner each night, and it was one of the best summers of my life. One the best, and most humbling, I might add.
Joe asked each of us to pick a song we'd like to personally sing at each prison. I looked through my collection of accompaniment tracks and picked one that was made for my voice. The range was small so I didn't have to worry about trying to hit high notes or missing low notes. The words were really simple, too, which made it easy to remember when nervous. The first verse said:
"Over time you've healed so much in me, and I am living proof
That although my darkest hour had come, your light could still shine through.
And though at times it's just enough to cast a shadow on the wall
Lord, I am grateful that you shine your light on me at all."
And I find myself in a season of praying the very same prayer and asking the Lord how I can serve him. Sure, I can serve him by taking care of my family and teaching Bible study in church, but I feel the Lord drawing me to a place outside of my comfort zone, and frankly, this season of raising a child doesn't seem to easily lend itself to that very thing. The truth is, though, I've made that my excuse. I've told myself that when she gets older, when my children are in school and I have the days back to myself, I'll be able to serve. It's then that I can get outside of my comfort zone and go and do and be the hands and feet of Christ. But I realize that there will always be an excuse, and if there's not an excuse, there will always be something else to do. I think back to the difference between 19 year old Brittnye and 30 year old Brittnye and I realize that while we both prayed the same prayer, one of us was open to and looking for opportunities. One of was willing to say yes while the other came up with an excuse. And although I may not be able to serve God in the same way now, that doesn't mean there aren't opportunities scattered in front of me on a regular basis.
A decade ago I hoped the lyrics I chose would encourage a man in prison. I hoped he would hear them and know that God could and would still use him regardless of his current circumstances. A decade later those words hit closer to home as I have personally seen how God has healed me and walked me through my darkest hour. And oh, how thankful I am that he would still choose to shine his light on me, of all people - one completely undeserved- at all! That's what I want others to know. That's the hope I want to share. That's the message I want to bring. That's the kind of God appointed, God ordained opportunity I want to be brave enough to say yes to!
"How then can they call on the one they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them? And how can the preach unless they are sent? As it is written, "How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!" (Romans 10:14-15)
I had just finished my first year in junior college and was still living at home. Having plugged into the college ministry at my home church the fall before, I had joined a class that challenged us to read through the Bible in a year. I grew up in a Christian home, so you would have thought that I had accomplished that task long before then. I was working on reading through the Daily Walk Bible from cover to cover. Each day had a portion of scripture reading along with a little devotional and prayer. I wish with all of my heart that I would have marked the page that caused the prayer I prayed but I have long since forgotten which one it was. I do, however, remember that the devotional had something to do with serving God and stepping outside of your comfort zone. Truth be told, serving God often calls us to step outside of our comfort zone. I had no clue what I could possibly do to serve God, but I prayed that God would send an opportunity along and show me how I could best serve Him in that season of life.
I woke up to the house phone ringing the next morning. Actually, it was probably closer to noon. Oh, the days of sleeping until lunch. Those are long gone! Anyway, I was greeted by the voice of an older gentleman. It was an unfamiliar voice but he was asking to speak to me by name. He introduced himself, Joe was his name, and told me all about a prison ministry he had been running for many years. He said, "I always look for a new group of students to travel with me during the summer. We go to prisons all over Texas and Oklahoma to put on concerts and spread the gospel. I was given your name and told you could sing. Would you be interested?" My jaw almost hit the floor. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Immediately, the words I had read the night before came back to mind and I knew this was the opportunity God was giving me. I told him I was definitely interested and we arranged a meeting for later in the week.
Joe and his precious wife drove to my hometown to meet me and hear me sing. Before we move on, I feel like I need to discuss my musical history and abilities for a moment. I grew up singing in church and was in choir until high school. I played in the band for three years and took many years of piano lessons, none of which have stuck with me by the way. I can sing on pitch, but I'd never find myself making it past the auditions on American Idol or getting a turned chair on The Voice. And although I had grown up singing church solos I was always a nervous wreck when I had to sing in front of a crowd. There were definitely performances that ended with tears of embarrassment. My voice often seemed to find a way to fail me when I needed it most, so thank goodness I was always singing in front of people who loved the Lord and loved me.
My mom sat down to the piano to play a familiar hymn, and I nervously made my way through it shaky voice and all. God must have deafened Joe's ears because he still extended the invitation. The thought of spending my summer driving all over the south to visit prisons wasn't the most glamorous idea but I knew this was how God was calling me to serve him because never in a million years would this have been an option I would have come up with on my own.
I met the rest of the group to quickly discover I was the weakest link. Unfortunately, Joe couldn't find any boys to go along with us, which was probably the best thing in retrospect. He hit the road with a van full of women, all who were more talented than me. The other girls had incredible voices, knew how to play instruments, and could beautifully harmonize. Two of them were bilingual and one was a song writer. And then there was me. I couldn't do a thing other than sing the melody. We wore matching outfits selected by a senior citizen, slept in church gymnasiums, ate in prison cafeterias for dinner each night, and it was one of the best summers of my life. One the best, and most humbling, I might add.
Joe asked each of us to pick a song we'd like to personally sing at each prison. I looked through my collection of accompaniment tracks and picked one that was made for my voice. The range was small so I didn't have to worry about trying to hit high notes or missing low notes. The words were really simple, too, which made it easy to remember when nervous. The first verse said:
"Over time you've healed so much in me, and I am living proof
That although my darkest hour had come, your light could still shine through.
And though at times it's just enough to cast a shadow on the wall
Lord, I am grateful that you shine your light on me at all."
And I find myself in a season of praying the very same prayer and asking the Lord how I can serve him. Sure, I can serve him by taking care of my family and teaching Bible study in church, but I feel the Lord drawing me to a place outside of my comfort zone, and frankly, this season of raising a child doesn't seem to easily lend itself to that very thing. The truth is, though, I've made that my excuse. I've told myself that when she gets older, when my children are in school and I have the days back to myself, I'll be able to serve. It's then that I can get outside of my comfort zone and go and do and be the hands and feet of Christ. But I realize that there will always be an excuse, and if there's not an excuse, there will always be something else to do. I think back to the difference between 19 year old Brittnye and 30 year old Brittnye and I realize that while we both prayed the same prayer, one of us was open to and looking for opportunities. One of was willing to say yes while the other came up with an excuse. And although I may not be able to serve God in the same way now, that doesn't mean there aren't opportunities scattered in front of me on a regular basis.
A decade ago I hoped the lyrics I chose would encourage a man in prison. I hoped he would hear them and know that God could and would still use him regardless of his current circumstances. A decade later those words hit closer to home as I have personally seen how God has healed me and walked me through my darkest hour. And oh, how thankful I am that he would still choose to shine his light on me, of all people - one completely undeserved- at all! That's what I want others to know. That's the hope I want to share. That's the message I want to bring. That's the kind of God appointed, God ordained opportunity I want to be brave enough to say yes to!
"How then can they call on the one they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them? And how can the preach unless they are sent? As it is written, "How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!" (Romans 10:14-15)
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