SAHM...
"You're always here," she said as I pulled the shirt over her little head. "Do you work?"
"Yes, honey, but I work at home. I stay with you and sister all day."
The question every stay at home mother loathes. She, of all people, should know that I work. No holidays or time off or change of scenery. I wake up and go to sleep in my work place. I don't get to "leave for work," or "come home from work" ever. I'm with my children all the time, and so not only are they my offspring, they are my livelihood.
What is work? Do we classify it work if money is involved? Is it considered work when you receive some sort of professional title or payment? Because I've never met an elementary school teacher, a person who spends her days teaching children, and asked if she works. I've never asked a chef, who cooks meal after meal to be consumed by others, if he works. If a friend told me they got a job at the dry cleaners, washing and steaming clothes that weren't their own, I wouldn't ask them if that was their work. And when someone says something like, "Oh, I spent the weekend working in the yard," we know full well that they did not get paid for the job the completed yet work was accomplished none the less.
Do I work? You bet I work. In fact, I have become somewhat of a work-aholic because when I'm not sleeping, I'm usually working. There is always something to be done.
I never knew exactly what I wanted to do with my life but I always knew I wanted to be a mother. When the time came to make a decision about staying home or returning to the bank, I was somewhat conflicted. I had a job that I really loved and I felt like I was just getting the ball rolling in the direction I wanted. I would return to a brand new office space full of potential and continue a forward moving trajectory up the career ladder. Or I could stay home and invest all of my time and energy into raising a small child for free. I could forgo my salary and benefits and workplace recognition that also brings about a nice feeling of satisfaction to do something that is seemingly unimpressive and highly undervalued by society. I could spend my days building relationships and networking with other adults or in the silence of my home going totally unnoticed and unappreciated. I could give up my desires for achievement to meet the desires of a tiny person who is every bit as selfish as I am, or I could go back into the workforce with hopes of maybe one day becoming "someone."
I chose to stay home. It wasn't really the natural response for me. I'm an all or nothing gal, and so it was a decision I made and committed to. "I don't know how you do it. I'm not cut out to stay at home." I heard that comment time and time again. And guess what, I wasn't, either. Motherhood didn't come naturally to me, and frankly, I felt I was a much better employee than I was a mother. But I didn't choose to stay home because I was good at being a mom. There were days I contemplated going back to work so I could send my child to daycare and they could get her on a schedule for me. I was a total rookie. I hadn't changed a diaper or bottle fed and burped a baby before my child was born. I had, however, been working for a decade before she arrived and that seemed like the more natural choice. But there was a nudging in my spirit that I needed to stay home. It would certainly be a sacrifice, but it was one we had been preparing for and I knew that regardless of the decision I made, sacrifice was involved. I would sacrifice my career or I would sacrifice time with my child. The truth is, we can't have our cake and eat it, too.
And so for years now, I have been a stay a home mom and I plan to be one until I am no longer needed in this position. But I have struggled greatly with feeling like I've dropped the ball in many areas. Because in my mind, I set out on this calling assuming that I could do it all. I'd be a housewife and a stay at home mom all in one. Those, by the way, are two completely different jobs. When I was in the workforce, I came home at the end of the work day, cooked dinner, cleaned up the kitchen and then enjoyed my evenings doing whatever I wanted. I saved all of my "errands" for the weekends and usually accomplished them with no trouble. And so I assumed that I'd be able to conquer the world, so to speak, while raising children. I could not have been more wrong. Not only could I accomplish nothing, I looked like a train wreck doing so. I had no clue children took up so much time and effort and energy. Maybe there are super moms out there, but I was clearly cut from a different cloth.
Yet over time, and with experience, a lot of prayers, and divine revelation, God has changed my perspective about the role of a stay at home mom. When I decided to stay home with my children, it was to do exactly that. To be a stay at home mom. Not a stay at home chef, maid, launder-ess, or chauffeur. My goal and focus was to stay home and raise my children. They are my job and so they are the priority - the ones at the top of my task list. And if the other things get done, then great! And if they don't, well, eventually they will. But laundry and clean floors and fancy dinners are not more important than my children. This is a season of life. A very, very, very short season. My children are growing and changing so quickly, and I have tried to make a concentrated effort not to miss a thing. I want our time together to be sweet because before I know it, they'll spend more hours of their day with someone else other than me. And when that day comes, my house will be cleaner, dinners will be better, and I'll wear a full face of makeup again. The one thing I don't want to do is look back on these years and say, "Oh, how I wish...". I've learned that lesson good and well in other areas of life. I want to embrace this time, knowing I'll never get it back, because the truth is - career opportunities will always present themselves but my children will only be babies once. And so rather than looking around my house and seeing all of the things I didn't accomplish, I look at my children and see success. I know I'm doing my job well because my girls are happy, healthy, smart, and growing as they should be.
I took a photography class a few weeks ago that required me to be away from home for about 8 hours on a Saturday. I was a little reluctant at first because I love weekends with my family, but Aaron encouraged me to step out and learn something new so I considered it a "self development day." I got home around 5:30 that evening and walked into a house of eager people. Annabeth wrapped her little arms around my neck and said, "I missed you, Mommy!" And the truth was, I missed my girls, too. I was glad to be back home. Back to work. Back in my element doing what I know with the people I love the most.
"You won't regret it." That's what ever seasoned mother that I've met since the day I became a SAHM has said to me. They've told me I'll be so glad to have these years at home because they are the best. And the longer I do this, the more I agree. These are the best years. Hard years, no doubt. But one day, when I'm back in the office working a job outside of my home, staring at the desk photos filled with faces of my precious children, I have a feeling I'll look back on these years with a fondness and be glad for the short time at home we had together.
"Yes, honey, but I work at home. I stay with you and sister all day."
The question every stay at home mother loathes. She, of all people, should know that I work. No holidays or time off or change of scenery. I wake up and go to sleep in my work place. I don't get to "leave for work," or "come home from work" ever. I'm with my children all the time, and so not only are they my offspring, they are my livelihood.
What is work? Do we classify it work if money is involved? Is it considered work when you receive some sort of professional title or payment? Because I've never met an elementary school teacher, a person who spends her days teaching children, and asked if she works. I've never asked a chef, who cooks meal after meal to be consumed by others, if he works. If a friend told me they got a job at the dry cleaners, washing and steaming clothes that weren't their own, I wouldn't ask them if that was their work. And when someone says something like, "Oh, I spent the weekend working in the yard," we know full well that they did not get paid for the job the completed yet work was accomplished none the less.
Do I work? You bet I work. In fact, I have become somewhat of a work-aholic because when I'm not sleeping, I'm usually working. There is always something to be done.
I never knew exactly what I wanted to do with my life but I always knew I wanted to be a mother. When the time came to make a decision about staying home or returning to the bank, I was somewhat conflicted. I had a job that I really loved and I felt like I was just getting the ball rolling in the direction I wanted. I would return to a brand new office space full of potential and continue a forward moving trajectory up the career ladder. Or I could stay home and invest all of my time and energy into raising a small child for free. I could forgo my salary and benefits and workplace recognition that also brings about a nice feeling of satisfaction to do something that is seemingly unimpressive and highly undervalued by society. I could spend my days building relationships and networking with other adults or in the silence of my home going totally unnoticed and unappreciated. I could give up my desires for achievement to meet the desires of a tiny person who is every bit as selfish as I am, or I could go back into the workforce with hopes of maybe one day becoming "someone."
I chose to stay home. It wasn't really the natural response for me. I'm an all or nothing gal, and so it was a decision I made and committed to. "I don't know how you do it. I'm not cut out to stay at home." I heard that comment time and time again. And guess what, I wasn't, either. Motherhood didn't come naturally to me, and frankly, I felt I was a much better employee than I was a mother. But I didn't choose to stay home because I was good at being a mom. There were days I contemplated going back to work so I could send my child to daycare and they could get her on a schedule for me. I was a total rookie. I hadn't changed a diaper or bottle fed and burped a baby before my child was born. I had, however, been working for a decade before she arrived and that seemed like the more natural choice. But there was a nudging in my spirit that I needed to stay home. It would certainly be a sacrifice, but it was one we had been preparing for and I knew that regardless of the decision I made, sacrifice was involved. I would sacrifice my career or I would sacrifice time with my child. The truth is, we can't have our cake and eat it, too.
And so for years now, I have been a stay a home mom and I plan to be one until I am no longer needed in this position. But I have struggled greatly with feeling like I've dropped the ball in many areas. Because in my mind, I set out on this calling assuming that I could do it all. I'd be a housewife and a stay at home mom all in one. Those, by the way, are two completely different jobs. When I was in the workforce, I came home at the end of the work day, cooked dinner, cleaned up the kitchen and then enjoyed my evenings doing whatever I wanted. I saved all of my "errands" for the weekends and usually accomplished them with no trouble. And so I assumed that I'd be able to conquer the world, so to speak, while raising children. I could not have been more wrong. Not only could I accomplish nothing, I looked like a train wreck doing so. I had no clue children took up so much time and effort and energy. Maybe there are super moms out there, but I was clearly cut from a different cloth.
Yet over time, and with experience, a lot of prayers, and divine revelation, God has changed my perspective about the role of a stay at home mom. When I decided to stay home with my children, it was to do exactly that. To be a stay at home mom. Not a stay at home chef, maid, launder-ess, or chauffeur. My goal and focus was to stay home and raise my children. They are my job and so they are the priority - the ones at the top of my task list. And if the other things get done, then great! And if they don't, well, eventually they will. But laundry and clean floors and fancy dinners are not more important than my children. This is a season of life. A very, very, very short season. My children are growing and changing so quickly, and I have tried to make a concentrated effort not to miss a thing. I want our time together to be sweet because before I know it, they'll spend more hours of their day with someone else other than me. And when that day comes, my house will be cleaner, dinners will be better, and I'll wear a full face of makeup again. The one thing I don't want to do is look back on these years and say, "Oh, how I wish...". I've learned that lesson good and well in other areas of life. I want to embrace this time, knowing I'll never get it back, because the truth is - career opportunities will always present themselves but my children will only be babies once. And so rather than looking around my house and seeing all of the things I didn't accomplish, I look at my children and see success. I know I'm doing my job well because my girls are happy, healthy, smart, and growing as they should be.
I took a photography class a few weeks ago that required me to be away from home for about 8 hours on a Saturday. I was a little reluctant at first because I love weekends with my family, but Aaron encouraged me to step out and learn something new so I considered it a "self development day." I got home around 5:30 that evening and walked into a house of eager people. Annabeth wrapped her little arms around my neck and said, "I missed you, Mommy!" And the truth was, I missed my girls, too. I was glad to be back home. Back to work. Back in my element doing what I know with the people I love the most.
"You won't regret it." That's what ever seasoned mother that I've met since the day I became a SAHM has said to me. They've told me I'll be so glad to have these years at home because they are the best. And the longer I do this, the more I agree. These are the best years. Hard years, no doubt. But one day, when I'm back in the office working a job outside of my home, staring at the desk photos filled with faces of my precious children, I have a feeling I'll look back on these years with a fondness and be glad for the short time at home we had together.
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