God's grace is greater than our mistakes... even the really big ones...
Aaron and I celebrated 3 years of knowing one another today. Honestly, I can't believe it has only been 3 years, but at the same time, it seems like it was just yesterday that we were meeting. We spent the evening having dinner at the place we met and we reminisced through the past 3 years of our relationship. The memories are still so vivid, but I think it's because they have been so overwhelming. Overwhelming in a good way, that is. And truth be told, if I could go back and relive them again, I totally would.
I drove to work on Monday, and I just felt the struggle. You know what I'm talking about. That thorn in my flesh was really poking, and all of the sudden I was filled with insecurity. I struggle with insecurity. Not in a "Am I pretty? Does my hair look good?" sort of way. More of the, "I'm a failure. I don't deserve to have the life I've been given. I will never be good enough. My mistakes will always define me. I'll never be able to get it right. I'll never get rid of this stupid label..." kind of way. Thought after thought came rolling in. I thought about how I didn't deserve a second chance. I didn't deserve to be married to a man like Aaron. He isn't perfect, but he's pretty darn amazing. I thought about how much I regretted some of the decisions of my past. I kicked myself for the things I've done. And, as I often have to fight myself from doing, I began to let my past shadow all of the incredible things God has done for me.
I'll never forget the way I felt the first day I met Aaron. I had already told myself that I could just write it off, expect nothing to come from it. After all, why would a guy like Aaron want a girl like me? I knew once I shared my story with him, he'd be out the door. I wouldn't have blamed him. I wouldn't have held it against him. He deserved much better. He deserved to be someone's first chance, and I didn't think I deserved a second chance. I was so nervous as I waited for him to show up to the restaurant. I put on my brave face, my lucky black dress, and I held my head high all the while feeling like I was living a lie and slightly panicking on the inside. Here this guy was, thinking I was this "perfect" person who had it all together, but little did he know. Yet, he did know. He actually knew before we ever met. And the Lord had primed Aaron's heart, just as he had been priming mine. My mom assured me that God would go before me and work things out as he had faithfully done my whole life. I guess I just had a hard time believe that God's grace really was greater than my mistakes.
But it is. God's grace is bigger than your mistakes. All of them combined. Even the really "big one." The one that you can't let yourself get past. The one that does its best to come back and haunt you. The one that tries to convince you that you are worthless, undeserving, dirty, and broken. The mistake that you feel is written across your forehead for the world to see and be horrified by. God's grace is bigger than that. His grace exceeds it. It's not even comparable. His grace reaches deep into that mistake, and rather than wiping it away, he redeems it. He takes the ashes, the brokenness, the disappointment and heartache, and he turns in into a beautiful masterpiece. His grace says, "You may not feel like you deserve a second chance, but I sent my Son to die for your sins so that you can have a second chance." Because in all honesty, we really didn't deserve a "first" chance. Yet God's grace doesn't count our chances. His grace doesn't say, "Well, you messed that one up, so that's all you get." His grace beckons us to repentance, to reliance, to our knees and it births new life. A new work. A new creation. And because of his grace, we can move forward into new days, experience new mercies, and find restoration that we never though possible. It's a grace that is unlimited, a grace that flows freely. A grace that is greater that all our sins.
"... for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus." - Romans 3:23-24
I drove to work on Monday, and I just felt the struggle. You know what I'm talking about. That thorn in my flesh was really poking, and all of the sudden I was filled with insecurity. I struggle with insecurity. Not in a "Am I pretty? Does my hair look good?" sort of way. More of the, "I'm a failure. I don't deserve to have the life I've been given. I will never be good enough. My mistakes will always define me. I'll never be able to get it right. I'll never get rid of this stupid label..." kind of way. Thought after thought came rolling in. I thought about how I didn't deserve a second chance. I didn't deserve to be married to a man like Aaron. He isn't perfect, but he's pretty darn amazing. I thought about how much I regretted some of the decisions of my past. I kicked myself for the things I've done. And, as I often have to fight myself from doing, I began to let my past shadow all of the incredible things God has done for me.
I'll never forget the way I felt the first day I met Aaron. I had already told myself that I could just write it off, expect nothing to come from it. After all, why would a guy like Aaron want a girl like me? I knew once I shared my story with him, he'd be out the door. I wouldn't have blamed him. I wouldn't have held it against him. He deserved much better. He deserved to be someone's first chance, and I didn't think I deserved a second chance. I was so nervous as I waited for him to show up to the restaurant. I put on my brave face, my lucky black dress, and I held my head high all the while feeling like I was living a lie and slightly panicking on the inside. Here this guy was, thinking I was this "perfect" person who had it all together, but little did he know. Yet, he did know. He actually knew before we ever met. And the Lord had primed Aaron's heart, just as he had been priming mine. My mom assured me that God would go before me and work things out as he had faithfully done my whole life. I guess I just had a hard time believe that God's grace really was greater than my mistakes.
But it is. God's grace is bigger than your mistakes. All of them combined. Even the really "big one." The one that you can't let yourself get past. The one that does its best to come back and haunt you. The one that tries to convince you that you are worthless, undeserving, dirty, and broken. The mistake that you feel is written across your forehead for the world to see and be horrified by. God's grace is bigger than that. His grace exceeds it. It's not even comparable. His grace reaches deep into that mistake, and rather than wiping it away, he redeems it. He takes the ashes, the brokenness, the disappointment and heartache, and he turns in into a beautiful masterpiece. His grace says, "You may not feel like you deserve a second chance, but I sent my Son to die for your sins so that you can have a second chance." Because in all honesty, we really didn't deserve a "first" chance. Yet God's grace doesn't count our chances. His grace doesn't say, "Well, you messed that one up, so that's all you get." His grace beckons us to repentance, to reliance, to our knees and it births new life. A new work. A new creation. And because of his grace, we can move forward into new days, experience new mercies, and find restoration that we never though possible. It's a grace that is unlimited, a grace that flows freely. A grace that is greater that all our sins.
"... for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus." - Romans 3:23-24
Marvelous grace of our loving Lord,
grace that exceeds our sin and our guilt,
yonder on Calvary's mount out-poured,
there where the blood of the Lamb was spilt.
Grace, grace, God's grace,
grace that will pardon and cleanse within;
grace, grace, God's grace,
grace that is greater than all our sin.
grace that exceeds our sin and our guilt,
yonder on Calvary's mount out-poured,
there where the blood of the Lamb was spilt.
Grace, grace, God's grace,
grace that will pardon and cleanse within;
grace, grace, God's grace,
grace that is greater than all our sin.
Dark is the stain that we cannot hide,
what can avail to wash it away!
Look! there is flowing a crimson tide;
whiter than snow you may be today.
what can avail to wash it away!
Look! there is flowing a crimson tide;
whiter than snow you may be today.
Grace, grace, God's grace,
grace that will pardon and cleanse within;
grace, grace, God's grace,
grace that is greater than all our sin.
grace that will pardon and cleanse within;
grace, grace, God's grace,
grace that is greater than all our sin.
Marvelous, infinite, matchless grace,
freely bestowed on all who believe;
you that are longing to see his face,
will you this moment his grace receive?
freely bestowed on all who believe;
you that are longing to see his face,
will you this moment his grace receive?
Grace, grace, God's grace,
grace that will pardon and cleanse within;
grace, grace, God's grace,
grace that is greater than all our sin.
grace that will pardon and cleanse within;
grace, grace, God's grace,
grace that is greater than all our sin.
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