sacrificing for more...
I've got to get back into shape, Annabeth. You're the cutest weight I've ever gained, but I also don't want to buy new jeans. Right after you were born, I lost a lot of weight quickly. It was a combination of things really, but I was pretty certain I'd be back into my old clothes in no time. Of course, I had this gigantic incision that forced me to wear absolutely nothing but sweatpants for weeks, so the thought of putting on jeans made me cringe. Once the pain subsided and I actually had a reason to wear jeans, I got brave. I pulled out my old jeans, slipped my foot through and as I got about half way up my thighs, I realized I wasn't going to make it much further. I was shocked! I could have sworn I was back to my original size. Boy, was I wrong. And so I told your dad it was time for me to hit the gym, and this week began crunch time.
Your Grampy stayed with you on Monday so I could make it to my first workout session. I came home to find you sleeping, just as I expected, and your Grampy was enjoying some cuddle time with Scout. I think you kind of, unintentionally, hurt his feelings when he showed up, so I was hoping you'd wake before he left so you could give him a reassuring smile. Anyway, as he put his shoes on to head out the door, he said, "So, are you still glad you made the decision not to go back to work?" And as I looked over at you, sleeping peacefully in your swing (which is a bad habit I'm hoping you'll miraculously grow out of... soon), I said, "Absolutely! There hasn't been a day I've second guessed it."
When I made the decision to stay home with you, I knew it would be a sacrifice for our family. Mostly, financially. And as you know, finances are a big deal to me. I wasn't bringing home the bacon, by any means, but, from a financial perspective, it would have been more advantageous for our bank account if I still worked and payed for you to attend daycare than it was for me to stop working completely. And if I'm being honest here, I struggled with the thought of not having a paycheck. I grew up watching two parents who worked hard, who still do, and who taught me that work is our responsibility. To not work seemed like a foreign concept to me. I felt really guilty for being an expense while creating no revenue. I knew the lifestyle we were living was going to have to change, and so either way, there was going to be some sacrifice to make it work.
Here's the deal, Annabeth. We live in a materialistic world. A world full of things, and it's really easy to want things. We have created this monster called "debt" so that we can get the things we want. The catch is that we are tied to those things for a long time. There's a saying that goes, "Own your things, don't let them own you." But it's easier said than done. I knew that when I stopped working, we were going to have to give up some things. Important things? Necessary things? No. But things that we wanted. Selfish things. Convenient things. But they're just that... things.
But you're not a thing. You're my child. You're my flesh and blood, and I've come to learn that parenthood is a life of sacrifice. A life of giving up what you want, when you want, and how you want for someone else who, sometimes, has no idea what they want. You give up things like money, rest, relaxation, peaceful meals, and although that sounds like a drag, you do so without giving it a second thought. Why, you ask? Because that's what love does. Love sacrifices. And although we see sacrifice as loss, it's actually a gain. Jesus tell us that over and over again, but it's a tough thought to grasp. In Matthew 10:39, he says, "Whoever loses their life for my sake will find it," He even modeled this for us. And Paul is always reminding us that loss equals gain in God's eyes. Sounds crazy, right? But God doesn't do things our way or the world's way. He does things His way. The better way.
So I don't see it as a loss. Sure, we're giving up some things, but none of those things even compare to what we've gained with you. The salary I made can't match the joy I have from spending my days with you and watching you grow. It doesn't mean we don't check out the new cars when we pass a dealership or get big ideas when we watch a show on HGTV. It just means that we stop and we say, "Thank you, Lord. Thank you for giving us more than we deserve and forgive us when we aren't grateful for what we've got and spend our time wanting more. Thank you for the child you've given us. For her sweet smile. For her healthy body. For the privilege of being her parents. Thank you that you give so that we can have. That you sacrificed so that we may live." Because there is joy in sacrifice. When we give something up, that means we've got something to gain. We give up sweets, we gain our old pants back. We give up worry, we gain peace. We give up fear, we gain courage. And when we finally realize what we stand to gain, the sacrifice is certainly worth it.
Your Grampy stayed with you on Monday so I could make it to my first workout session. I came home to find you sleeping, just as I expected, and your Grampy was enjoying some cuddle time with Scout. I think you kind of, unintentionally, hurt his feelings when he showed up, so I was hoping you'd wake before he left so you could give him a reassuring smile. Anyway, as he put his shoes on to head out the door, he said, "So, are you still glad you made the decision not to go back to work?" And as I looked over at you, sleeping peacefully in your swing (which is a bad habit I'm hoping you'll miraculously grow out of... soon), I said, "Absolutely! There hasn't been a day I've second guessed it."
When I made the decision to stay home with you, I knew it would be a sacrifice for our family. Mostly, financially. And as you know, finances are a big deal to me. I wasn't bringing home the bacon, by any means, but, from a financial perspective, it would have been more advantageous for our bank account if I still worked and payed for you to attend daycare than it was for me to stop working completely. And if I'm being honest here, I struggled with the thought of not having a paycheck. I grew up watching two parents who worked hard, who still do, and who taught me that work is our responsibility. To not work seemed like a foreign concept to me. I felt really guilty for being an expense while creating no revenue. I knew the lifestyle we were living was going to have to change, and so either way, there was going to be some sacrifice to make it work.
Here's the deal, Annabeth. We live in a materialistic world. A world full of things, and it's really easy to want things. We have created this monster called "debt" so that we can get the things we want. The catch is that we are tied to those things for a long time. There's a saying that goes, "Own your things, don't let them own you." But it's easier said than done. I knew that when I stopped working, we were going to have to give up some things. Important things? Necessary things? No. But things that we wanted. Selfish things. Convenient things. But they're just that... things.
But you're not a thing. You're my child. You're my flesh and blood, and I've come to learn that parenthood is a life of sacrifice. A life of giving up what you want, when you want, and how you want for someone else who, sometimes, has no idea what they want. You give up things like money, rest, relaxation, peaceful meals, and although that sounds like a drag, you do so without giving it a second thought. Why, you ask? Because that's what love does. Love sacrifices. And although we see sacrifice as loss, it's actually a gain. Jesus tell us that over and over again, but it's a tough thought to grasp. In Matthew 10:39, he says, "Whoever loses their life for my sake will find it," He even modeled this for us. And Paul is always reminding us that loss equals gain in God's eyes. Sounds crazy, right? But God doesn't do things our way or the world's way. He does things His way. The better way.
So I don't see it as a loss. Sure, we're giving up some things, but none of those things even compare to what we've gained with you. The salary I made can't match the joy I have from spending my days with you and watching you grow. It doesn't mean we don't check out the new cars when we pass a dealership or get big ideas when we watch a show on HGTV. It just means that we stop and we say, "Thank you, Lord. Thank you for giving us more than we deserve and forgive us when we aren't grateful for what we've got and spend our time wanting more. Thank you for the child you've given us. For her sweet smile. For her healthy body. For the privilege of being her parents. Thank you that you give so that we can have. That you sacrificed so that we may live." Because there is joy in sacrifice. When we give something up, that means we've got something to gain. We give up sweets, we gain our old pants back. We give up worry, we gain peace. We give up fear, we gain courage. And when we finally realize what we stand to gain, the sacrifice is certainly worth it.
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