struggle bus days...
We rode the struggle bus today, Annabeth. Well, actually, you drove it and I went along for the ride. I didn't really have a choice. Before I had you, before I started out on this journey of devoting my full time and attention to you, I had heard a few horror stories from other parents. It was like people loved their children, but they didn't really like them... if you know what I mean. I'd hear people complain about how they just needed a break or wanted to hide out in the bathroom and drink wine in the dark. I thought to myself, "Is it really that bad?" I mean we all have our struggle days. We all have days that just don't go very well for whatever reason and so maybe we're a bit of grump. Maybe we're more irritable than necessary, a little more snappy that we should be, and we can't put our finger on it. Did we wake up on the wrong side of the bed? Is it the weather? Did we have a bad night of sleep? I don't know why we rode the struggle bus today, but it was a tiring ride.
I may be in the minority here when it comes to moms, but I seriously enjoy spending every moment I get to with you. I have yet to feel like I need a "break." Maybe I just got lucky and you're a really good baby, but for whatever reason, we've had many good days. To be fair, I don't remember much from the first month of your life, so I am going to assume those were relatively good, too. You're not unreasonably fussy. You're quick to smile. You sleep like a dream at night, and so our days have been pretty easy. The type-A side of me would love to have a consistent routine, but the other side of me is fine with what we're doing. We're are actually starting to fall into a "flexible" routine, and I'm thrilled about that. I've let you set the pace, which isn't really what I expected, but I think it's worked out well. I told a mentor of mine that you determined our days, and she said, "I bet that makes for a happier baby." I think she's right. I've not tried to force or impose a schedule on you because we don't have to have one. And just like I learned when I married your dad, life is full of battles and we have to pick them wisely. I'd rather have a happy baby who naps in her swing than an angry baby forced to nap in her crib. Might it come back to bite me? Well, I don't know. But right now, I'll take what I can get.
And so as I've blindly felt my way through motherhood, I began to pride myself on the fact that it seemed as if things were falling into place. But today was one of those humbling reminders that I'm not in control. I'm not calling the shots. The swing hardly worked, snuggling made it worse, and by the time 1:00PM rolled around, I gave up. I strapped you in your carrier, we went to lunch, and then you and I went shoe shopping. I figured if sleeping wasn't in the picture, might as well do something worth our while. I sat in the back of the shoe store feeding you as your eyes grew heavier and heavier with each drink. An older gentlemen walked by and said, "Excuse me ma'am, can you tell me on which aisle I can find one of those?" He looked at you and smiled, and I said, "I think I got the only one there was!" He laughed, commented on how precious you were, and I agreed. You finished your drink, I strapped you into your stroller, and for the next hour you slept peacefully as I slowly walked through the store, fighting off temptation, so that you could finally rest.
I want you to know that it's okay to have bad days. We all do. It's just life. Sometimes those bad days turn into bad weeks, and sometimes those bad weeks turn into bad months. But one bad day isn't going to ruin the rest of your life. You've got a whole lot of days ahead of you, and I bet if we were to count our days, we'd all find that we have more good ones than bad. I sure hope your bad ones are far and few between because I love seeing you happy. But when that's not the case, I want to share one of my favorite verses with you.
Because of the Lord's great love, we are not consumed for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. - Lamentations 3:22-23
Each morning we wake up to a new day. A new day full of new possibilities, new promises, new potential, and if yesterday wasn't the best, well then thank goodness for tomorrow, right? And aren't you glad that God is faithful to do that for us? That He would give us new days and continue to love us the same no matter what kind of day we had yesterday? Annabeth, you've got a lot of days ahead of you. Days you'll never forget. Some of them you may want to, but there will also be so many days that you will hold near and dear to your heart. And no matter what your day brings, I want you to remember that tomorrow is a new start. A new beginning. A clean slate. But the one consistent thing you can count on is that each morning when you wake up, you'll be greeted with God's love and mercy. So, sweet girl, here's to tomorrow!
I may be in the minority here when it comes to moms, but I seriously enjoy spending every moment I get to with you. I have yet to feel like I need a "break." Maybe I just got lucky and you're a really good baby, but for whatever reason, we've had many good days. To be fair, I don't remember much from the first month of your life, so I am going to assume those were relatively good, too. You're not unreasonably fussy. You're quick to smile. You sleep like a dream at night, and so our days have been pretty easy. The type-A side of me would love to have a consistent routine, but the other side of me is fine with what we're doing. We're are actually starting to fall into a "flexible" routine, and I'm thrilled about that. I've let you set the pace, which isn't really what I expected, but I think it's worked out well. I told a mentor of mine that you determined our days, and she said, "I bet that makes for a happier baby." I think she's right. I've not tried to force or impose a schedule on you because we don't have to have one. And just like I learned when I married your dad, life is full of battles and we have to pick them wisely. I'd rather have a happy baby who naps in her swing than an angry baby forced to nap in her crib. Might it come back to bite me? Well, I don't know. But right now, I'll take what I can get.
And so as I've blindly felt my way through motherhood, I began to pride myself on the fact that it seemed as if things were falling into place. But today was one of those humbling reminders that I'm not in control. I'm not calling the shots. The swing hardly worked, snuggling made it worse, and by the time 1:00PM rolled around, I gave up. I strapped you in your carrier, we went to lunch, and then you and I went shoe shopping. I figured if sleeping wasn't in the picture, might as well do something worth our while. I sat in the back of the shoe store feeding you as your eyes grew heavier and heavier with each drink. An older gentlemen walked by and said, "Excuse me ma'am, can you tell me on which aisle I can find one of those?" He looked at you and smiled, and I said, "I think I got the only one there was!" He laughed, commented on how precious you were, and I agreed. You finished your drink, I strapped you into your stroller, and for the next hour you slept peacefully as I slowly walked through the store, fighting off temptation, so that you could finally rest.
I want you to know that it's okay to have bad days. We all do. It's just life. Sometimes those bad days turn into bad weeks, and sometimes those bad weeks turn into bad months. But one bad day isn't going to ruin the rest of your life. You've got a whole lot of days ahead of you, and I bet if we were to count our days, we'd all find that we have more good ones than bad. I sure hope your bad ones are far and few between because I love seeing you happy. But when that's not the case, I want to share one of my favorite verses with you.
Because of the Lord's great love, we are not consumed for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. - Lamentations 3:22-23
Each morning we wake up to a new day. A new day full of new possibilities, new promises, new potential, and if yesterday wasn't the best, well then thank goodness for tomorrow, right? And aren't you glad that God is faithful to do that for us? That He would give us new days and continue to love us the same no matter what kind of day we had yesterday? Annabeth, you've got a lot of days ahead of you. Days you'll never forget. Some of them you may want to, but there will also be so many days that you will hold near and dear to your heart. And no matter what your day brings, I want you to remember that tomorrow is a new start. A new beginning. A clean slate. But the one consistent thing you can count on is that each morning when you wake up, you'll be greeted with God's love and mercy. So, sweet girl, here's to tomorrow!
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