a baby changes everything... or so they say...
We got to see you today, Annabeth! This was our third time, and each one just keeps getting better and better. I was visiting with your Great-Grandmother (her name is Nana) on Sunday and telling her all about you. She rubbed her hand over my stomach and jokingly asked if I was sure you were the only one in there. I have to say, you've really taken off in the past few weeks! Anyway, she said, "I'll tell you one thing, she's going to be the most beautiful baby! I think she'll look a little like her daddy and a little like her momma." I told her I thought you'd look mostly like your daddy, and according to the pictures we took of you today, I think I'm right. But she was right in stating that you're going to be the most beautiful baby. I totally agree with that. You have your daddy's full lips! The kind of lips people pay a lot of money for! And you also have sweet, round, chubby cheeks! I can't wait to see what the rest of you looks like. If you're anything like me, I am pretty certain you'll come with quite a few rolls and very limited hair.
You've also started kicking quite a bit. You'll kick and squirm for me yet the moment I try to show your dad, you stop. Last night, you finally put on a little show for him right after dinner. We've learned that you really love sweets (which you definitely get from me), so I ate some dessert and you took off! We watched my stomach flip and turn as you navigated yourself from laying across my stomach, to now, laying with your head down and bottom up. I love feeling you move and dance, and I am even more excited to see you in action on this side of the world.
You've made this pregnancy so easy on me, sweet girl, and I really appreciate that! I know you can't really control a whole lot right now, but I have enjoyed every moment. We got our first stomach bug a few weeks ago, and if that's the only rough patch we go through, I think we've done remarkably well. Every time I hear your heartbeat, I am amazed at how strong and loud it is. You've been clocking in at 150 bmp for many months now, and it's in those little things that I think, "yes, this child of consistency is absolutely mine!"
I've written about you, and to you, over the past few months because I want you to have these words forever. Of course, we'll have lots of conversations and make great memories over the years, but written words are permanent. I can go back and read them, and so can you. In fact, there might be occasions when we both need to. And even though you'll have no recollection of this time, I'll always remember it - especially since I've written about it. Anyway, there's this saying that "a baby changes everything." But you, sweet baby, are growing up in a world that is rapidly changing. We have this thing called technology, and while it can do some pretty amazing things, it also creates constant change. You'll never know what it's like to live without cell phones that are basically small computers. You'll never understand how people communicated without social media. You won't know what it's like to have to wait on answers because we have the world at our fingertips. And as a mother, I am wondering how I'll raise you. I've been thinking about what all of this means for you, and truthfully, it's a lot of pressure.
Through a series of people and events, the Lord is really helping me understand what parenthood looks like from a different perspective. He's giving me little glimpses into this new role in ways I've not experienced before, and so I am learning a lot. I'm watching, observing, remembering, and I'm learning what to do and not to do. Like I've told you before, I'm not going to be the perfect mother. Your dad won't be perfect, either. See, here's the thing, we might let you down every once in a while. We might disappoint you. Not that we want to, but we're human. And so I don't want you to put us on a pedestal. I don't want you to think that we can do no wrong. Because the first moment that happens, it will be difficult on all of us. But we promise that we're going to do our best. We also promise that no matter what, we're going to love you and we're going to love one another. And we hope that you'll do the same because, even though you're my sweet Sugar Bug, there may come a day when your humanness shows through.
Listen to me and remember this. There will never be anything you can do that would make us not love you. We've not even met you, and we've already had this discussion. We certainly hope that rebellion doesn't run wildly through your veins, but we also understand that people wrapped in flesh are prone to wander. And so last night, your dad and I had a long conversation about how we want to handle the difficult situations in life as your parents. You know what we decided? We decided that we want to show you grace. Grace, because we've been shown it. Grace, because the Lord freely gives it. And grace, because that's how God calls his people to handle things. We want to have such an open dialogue with you that you're never afraid to talk to us. We want you to know from the very start that every bit of your life matters and we care about it all. When your heart is broken, regardless of who is at fault, we want you to know that we'll be there to listen. I can't speak for your dad, as I haven't actually seen tears escape from his eyes yet, but I'll cry with you. We'll cry on his shoulders, how about that? When you're disappointed or when you feel like you've messed up, that you've gone too far, I want to be able to remind you that God's mercies are new every morning and point you back to His throne. I want you to know that I want to know. I want to know what you're going through, what you're dealing with, and how you're truly feeling because I want to help you no matter how old you are and no matter how far away or close to home you may be. I won't have the answers, but I know who does. And so I want to be able to pray for you. To search through God's Word with you and seek out His truth. I want to be able to dispel the lies that society will try to force upon you and remind you of truth. And when you feel afraid, when you feel lost, when you feel confused or lonely, I want you to remember that you will always have parents who are here for you. Always.
Your Great-Grandfather (his name is Grandad) sang this song to your Great-Grandmother (her name is Grandmother) on their wedding day, and it popped into my head as I was thinking about you yesterday. The chorus goes like this:
Annabeth, we will love you - always!
You've also started kicking quite a bit. You'll kick and squirm for me yet the moment I try to show your dad, you stop. Last night, you finally put on a little show for him right after dinner. We've learned that you really love sweets (which you definitely get from me), so I ate some dessert and you took off! We watched my stomach flip and turn as you navigated yourself from laying across my stomach, to now, laying with your head down and bottom up. I love feeling you move and dance, and I am even more excited to see you in action on this side of the world.
You've made this pregnancy so easy on me, sweet girl, and I really appreciate that! I know you can't really control a whole lot right now, but I have enjoyed every moment. We got our first stomach bug a few weeks ago, and if that's the only rough patch we go through, I think we've done remarkably well. Every time I hear your heartbeat, I am amazed at how strong and loud it is. You've been clocking in at 150 bmp for many months now, and it's in those little things that I think, "yes, this child of consistency is absolutely mine!"
I've written about you, and to you, over the past few months because I want you to have these words forever. Of course, we'll have lots of conversations and make great memories over the years, but written words are permanent. I can go back and read them, and so can you. In fact, there might be occasions when we both need to. And even though you'll have no recollection of this time, I'll always remember it - especially since I've written about it. Anyway, there's this saying that "a baby changes everything." But you, sweet baby, are growing up in a world that is rapidly changing. We have this thing called technology, and while it can do some pretty amazing things, it also creates constant change. You'll never know what it's like to live without cell phones that are basically small computers. You'll never understand how people communicated without social media. You won't know what it's like to have to wait on answers because we have the world at our fingertips. And as a mother, I am wondering how I'll raise you. I've been thinking about what all of this means for you, and truthfully, it's a lot of pressure.
Through a series of people and events, the Lord is really helping me understand what parenthood looks like from a different perspective. He's giving me little glimpses into this new role in ways I've not experienced before, and so I am learning a lot. I'm watching, observing, remembering, and I'm learning what to do and not to do. Like I've told you before, I'm not going to be the perfect mother. Your dad won't be perfect, either. See, here's the thing, we might let you down every once in a while. We might disappoint you. Not that we want to, but we're human. And so I don't want you to put us on a pedestal. I don't want you to think that we can do no wrong. Because the first moment that happens, it will be difficult on all of us. But we promise that we're going to do our best. We also promise that no matter what, we're going to love you and we're going to love one another. And we hope that you'll do the same because, even though you're my sweet Sugar Bug, there may come a day when your humanness shows through.
Listen to me and remember this. There will never be anything you can do that would make us not love you. We've not even met you, and we've already had this discussion. We certainly hope that rebellion doesn't run wildly through your veins, but we also understand that people wrapped in flesh are prone to wander. And so last night, your dad and I had a long conversation about how we want to handle the difficult situations in life as your parents. You know what we decided? We decided that we want to show you grace. Grace, because we've been shown it. Grace, because the Lord freely gives it. And grace, because that's how God calls his people to handle things. We want to have such an open dialogue with you that you're never afraid to talk to us. We want you to know from the very start that every bit of your life matters and we care about it all. When your heart is broken, regardless of who is at fault, we want you to know that we'll be there to listen. I can't speak for your dad, as I haven't actually seen tears escape from his eyes yet, but I'll cry with you. We'll cry on his shoulders, how about that? When you're disappointed or when you feel like you've messed up, that you've gone too far, I want to be able to remind you that God's mercies are new every morning and point you back to His throne. I want you to know that I want to know. I want to know what you're going through, what you're dealing with, and how you're truly feeling because I want to help you no matter how old you are and no matter how far away or close to home you may be. I won't have the answers, but I know who does. And so I want to be able to pray for you. To search through God's Word with you and seek out His truth. I want to be able to dispel the lies that society will try to force upon you and remind you of truth. And when you feel afraid, when you feel lost, when you feel confused or lonely, I want you to remember that you will always have parents who are here for you. Always.
Your Great-Grandfather (his name is Grandad) sang this song to your Great-Grandmother (her name is Grandmother) on their wedding day, and it popped into my head as I was thinking about you yesterday. The chorus goes like this:
I'll be loving you, always
With a love so true, always
When the things you've planned
Need a helping hand
I will understand
Always
Days may not be fair, always
That's when I'll be there, always
Not for just an hour
Not for just a day
Not for just a year
But always
Annabeth, we will love you - always!
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