when eating your feelings doesn't work...
Sometimes I fear that I'm completely unusable. Maybe I've just messed up too much, and I've lost my chance. Sometimes I'm afraid that I'm simply too far gone. I see my imperfections, I know them well, and I just don't see why God would even want to bother with a mess like me. I keep track of them, a list of my faults, and it seems so long. I look at the others, and they've got it together. At least, from where I am standing it seems they do. And then, there's me. The broken one. Clearly imperfect. And sometimes I so easily let my insecurity get the best of me.
It didn't used to be that way, you know. I used to see myself differently before my "perfect" world fell apart and I was left with broken pieces. But God did such a redeeming work in my life. He proved himself so good, so faithful, and he brought forth beauty from my ashes just like he promised he would. He took the broken pieces and he fashioned them together in this beautiful masterpiece. He worked it out for my good, and you'd think that after all he did for me, I'd get it. You think it would click and I'd see things in a different light. But insecurity pegs us when we least expect it, and we find ourselves believing the lies rather than accepting God's truth.
It's the small things that tend to get us down. It's the little things that pull us off track. I found myself eating my feelings through a pan of brownies thinking, "I can't do this. God, I know you've given me these opportunities, but I can't do them. All I do is mess things up, and I am beginning to believe there's something really wrong with me. It seems like I am the only one struggling with this and that I am the only person like this." Every ounce of me wanted to run and retreat. The enemy was doing such a great job of convincing me I had depreciating self worth, that I was proving useless, and that I would never be able to do anything productive for God. I should just stop, I thought. I should just take a back seat and keep my mouth shut. I shouldn't even try because I'm not qualified. I'm damaged and broken, and I'll never be good enough.
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” - 2 Corinthians 12:19
It's in those moments of weakness, those moments where we just think we can't do it, we can't keep going, that we're in desperate need of God's power. And because of His grace, he gives us exactly what we need. Power. But not just power, perfect power. Power that gives us the ability to lift our heads and keep moving forward. Power that somehow, some way hold us together when we feel like we're falling apart at the seams. Power that breaks the chains, that pierces the lies, and that reminds us we can overcome. We can do all things through Christ who gives us strength (Philippians 4:13). It's not because we're capable, it's because he is. It's not because we're worthy, good enough, or deserving, it's because he is gracious. Abundantly gracious. Gracious enough to be our strength when we're weak and gracious enough to turn our messes into redemptive messages.
So don't shrink back. Don't stop doing what he has called you to do. Don't give the enemy victory. Remember, you can take heart because he has overcome. Whatever it is that's threatening you, whatever took place in your past, whatever fear seems too big to handle, he has overcome it. You, dear one, are more than a conqueror. You are the salt of the earth. You are a city on a hill. You are the light of the world, and you serve a God who not only loves you, sees you, and knows you, he has a perfect plan for you. His grace is sufficient. His power is perfect. And when we lay our lives, our worries, our doubts, and our fears into his nail scarred hands, we come to see that he can do more than we could ever imagine, think, or accomplish on our own. He truly is a God of the impossible!
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” - John 16:33
It didn't used to be that way, you know. I used to see myself differently before my "perfect" world fell apart and I was left with broken pieces. But God did such a redeeming work in my life. He proved himself so good, so faithful, and he brought forth beauty from my ashes just like he promised he would. He took the broken pieces and he fashioned them together in this beautiful masterpiece. He worked it out for my good, and you'd think that after all he did for me, I'd get it. You think it would click and I'd see things in a different light. But insecurity pegs us when we least expect it, and we find ourselves believing the lies rather than accepting God's truth.
It's the small things that tend to get us down. It's the little things that pull us off track. I found myself eating my feelings through a pan of brownies thinking, "I can't do this. God, I know you've given me these opportunities, but I can't do them. All I do is mess things up, and I am beginning to believe there's something really wrong with me. It seems like I am the only one struggling with this and that I am the only person like this." Every ounce of me wanted to run and retreat. The enemy was doing such a great job of convincing me I had depreciating self worth, that I was proving useless, and that I would never be able to do anything productive for God. I should just stop, I thought. I should just take a back seat and keep my mouth shut. I shouldn't even try because I'm not qualified. I'm damaged and broken, and I'll never be good enough.
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” - 2 Corinthians 12:19
It's in those moments of weakness, those moments where we just think we can't do it, we can't keep going, that we're in desperate need of God's power. And because of His grace, he gives us exactly what we need. Power. But not just power, perfect power. Power that gives us the ability to lift our heads and keep moving forward. Power that somehow, some way hold us together when we feel like we're falling apart at the seams. Power that breaks the chains, that pierces the lies, and that reminds us we can overcome. We can do all things through Christ who gives us strength (Philippians 4:13). It's not because we're capable, it's because he is. It's not because we're worthy, good enough, or deserving, it's because he is gracious. Abundantly gracious. Gracious enough to be our strength when we're weak and gracious enough to turn our messes into redemptive messages.
So don't shrink back. Don't stop doing what he has called you to do. Don't give the enemy victory. Remember, you can take heart because he has overcome. Whatever it is that's threatening you, whatever took place in your past, whatever fear seems too big to handle, he has overcome it. You, dear one, are more than a conqueror. You are the salt of the earth. You are a city on a hill. You are the light of the world, and you serve a God who not only loves you, sees you, and knows you, he has a perfect plan for you. His grace is sufficient. His power is perfect. And when we lay our lives, our worries, our doubts, and our fears into his nail scarred hands, we come to see that he can do more than we could ever imagine, think, or accomplish on our own. He truly is a God of the impossible!
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” - John 16:33
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