To love and to cherish... and to serve together... until death do us part
Four years ago today was one of the most difficult, yet hopeful, days of my life. I won't recap because that was four years ago and you already know the story. But yesterday marked 2.5 years of marriage for Aaron and I. The truth is, it feels like we've been married for a lot longer than that, yet it seems like our wedding was just the other day. The irony of time, I suppose. But as I cleaned our home tonight, I thought about marriage, about four years ago, about my husband, and I thought about how much God has taught me thought it all.
If you ever want to learn a lot about yourself, namely your short-comings, you should get married. If you ever want to learn how selfish you truly are, get married. I don't know of a greater refining process than marriage, and being refined is hard. Refining takes humility, forgiveness, grace, and work. I think that's why people give up on marriage so often. It's challenging, and a good marriage is quite an investment. What you put into that marriage is exactly what you will get out of it.
As a little girl, I often wondered what I'd love most about marriage. I had this romanticized idea that was formed by all of the great 90s rom-coms, and I just knew that marriage would be magical. I expected that I would experience all of these mystical feelings of bliss because that person would just "get" me. I would feel like I was on top of the world. I would be the perfect wife, he would be the perfect husband. We'd be a match made in Heaven. And so you can only guess my disappointment when I crawled into bed by myself 4 years ago tonight wondering why I had never felt any of those things I had hoped and prayed for.
I've spent the week by myself since Aaron has been out of town for work, and it brought back memories of the season without him. The bittersweet season where God was allowing my heart to break as He rebuilt it simultaneously. The season that has actually turned out to be one of the most transformative seasons of my life. And I thought about all that I learned in my singleness. You see, the moment I realized I was on my own, I was tempted to panic. To think things like: "Who is going to provide for me? Who is going to protect me? Who is going to comfort me? Who is going to keep me company? Who is going to value me? Who is going to see any worth in me? Who is going to want me? Who is going to stand by my side? Who is going to help me? Who is going to be there for me?" Because let's be honest, we girls expect these types of things from our husbands. And as I began to worry about these things, the Lord said to me, "Brittnye, I AM."
I AM your protector. I AM your provider, I AM your helper. I AM your comfort. I AM your shelter. I AM your peace. I AM ever-present. I AM your maker, your husband. I AM all that you will ever need. And girls, let me tell you the truth, He is. Because if you are looking for a husband to be to you who you think you are not, if you are looking to marry someone simply because of how he makes you feel or what he can do for you, you will find yourself in a world of disappointment. Sure, God has called our men to certain standards, but when we expect of our men what we should be receiving from God, we will be let down. Because broken people cannot fix broken people. That's not the purpose of marriage. We don't marry one another so we can fix one another. We marry one another so that we can help one another. And we commit to one another so that God can use us in a process that requires His strength because without Him, all we have to offer is weakness.
And so tonight I thought about my favorite thing in marriage. The one thing I love the most. The thing I wouldn't trade for the world. The thing that brings me the most joy and satisfaction. And that, is the opportunity to serve the Lord with my husband. To teach the bible together. To study it together. To go on mission trips and be God's hands and feet together. To sit in church and learn together. To share what God has done for us with others. To serve through our church home whether that's dishing out food at a soup kitchen or wrapping presents at Christmas. I am so thankful that I have someone to praise the Lord with. Someone who loves the Lord just as I do. Someone who desires to honor the Lord. That's my favorite thing about being married.
I sent Aaron a little text yesterday morning thanking him for investing in me. I know I'm not easy. I know I present challenges and have pushed buttons he didn't even know he had. But he has continued to invest in me. To give me grace when I needed it and forgiveness so that we could move forward in unity rather than begrudgingly in opposite directions. He has been patient with me, he has been honest with me. He has poured time and energy and effort into our marriage so that is would bear fruit. He has pruned away the things that weren't helpful, and he has died to his own desires time and time again knowing that the eternal benefits will far outweigh the temporary pleasures. He has been faithful to me, never making me wonder. And more than that, he has remained faithful to God. And our God has supplied all of our needs according to His riches in glory. Not because we deserve it. Not because we're perfect. But because we've realized that the true key to marriage is to help one another grow closer to God, and in that process, we've found great love, great joy, and great success.
"Two are better than one, because they have a better return for their labor... a cord of three strands is not easily broken." - Ecclesiastes 4:9&12
If you ever want to learn a lot about yourself, namely your short-comings, you should get married. If you ever want to learn how selfish you truly are, get married. I don't know of a greater refining process than marriage, and being refined is hard. Refining takes humility, forgiveness, grace, and work. I think that's why people give up on marriage so often. It's challenging, and a good marriage is quite an investment. What you put into that marriage is exactly what you will get out of it.
As a little girl, I often wondered what I'd love most about marriage. I had this romanticized idea that was formed by all of the great 90s rom-coms, and I just knew that marriage would be magical. I expected that I would experience all of these mystical feelings of bliss because that person would just "get" me. I would feel like I was on top of the world. I would be the perfect wife, he would be the perfect husband. We'd be a match made in Heaven. And so you can only guess my disappointment when I crawled into bed by myself 4 years ago tonight wondering why I had never felt any of those things I had hoped and prayed for.
I've spent the week by myself since Aaron has been out of town for work, and it brought back memories of the season without him. The bittersweet season where God was allowing my heart to break as He rebuilt it simultaneously. The season that has actually turned out to be one of the most transformative seasons of my life. And I thought about all that I learned in my singleness. You see, the moment I realized I was on my own, I was tempted to panic. To think things like: "Who is going to provide for me? Who is going to protect me? Who is going to comfort me? Who is going to keep me company? Who is going to value me? Who is going to see any worth in me? Who is going to want me? Who is going to stand by my side? Who is going to help me? Who is going to be there for me?" Because let's be honest, we girls expect these types of things from our husbands. And as I began to worry about these things, the Lord said to me, "Brittnye, I AM."
I AM your protector. I AM your provider, I AM your helper. I AM your comfort. I AM your shelter. I AM your peace. I AM ever-present. I AM your maker, your husband. I AM all that you will ever need. And girls, let me tell you the truth, He is. Because if you are looking for a husband to be to you who you think you are not, if you are looking to marry someone simply because of how he makes you feel or what he can do for you, you will find yourself in a world of disappointment. Sure, God has called our men to certain standards, but when we expect of our men what we should be receiving from God, we will be let down. Because broken people cannot fix broken people. That's not the purpose of marriage. We don't marry one another so we can fix one another. We marry one another so that we can help one another. And we commit to one another so that God can use us in a process that requires His strength because without Him, all we have to offer is weakness.
And so tonight I thought about my favorite thing in marriage. The one thing I love the most. The thing I wouldn't trade for the world. The thing that brings me the most joy and satisfaction. And that, is the opportunity to serve the Lord with my husband. To teach the bible together. To study it together. To go on mission trips and be God's hands and feet together. To sit in church and learn together. To share what God has done for us with others. To serve through our church home whether that's dishing out food at a soup kitchen or wrapping presents at Christmas. I am so thankful that I have someone to praise the Lord with. Someone who loves the Lord just as I do. Someone who desires to honor the Lord. That's my favorite thing about being married.
I sent Aaron a little text yesterday morning thanking him for investing in me. I know I'm not easy. I know I present challenges and have pushed buttons he didn't even know he had. But he has continued to invest in me. To give me grace when I needed it and forgiveness so that we could move forward in unity rather than begrudgingly in opposite directions. He has been patient with me, he has been honest with me. He has poured time and energy and effort into our marriage so that is would bear fruit. He has pruned away the things that weren't helpful, and he has died to his own desires time and time again knowing that the eternal benefits will far outweigh the temporary pleasures. He has been faithful to me, never making me wonder. And more than that, he has remained faithful to God. And our God has supplied all of our needs according to His riches in glory. Not because we deserve it. Not because we're perfect. But because we've realized that the true key to marriage is to help one another grow closer to God, and in that process, we've found great love, great joy, and great success.
"Two are better than one, because they have a better return for their labor... a cord of three strands is not easily broken." - Ecclesiastes 4:9&12
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