because I don't have to...
Twelve days. I think that's the longest stretch thus far. I could have sworn it was just yesterday that I sat down to type something out. To indulge in a bit of keyboard therapy. I clearly remember the days when I would sit down every night and do this. Type. That's all I did. I never really knew what would come out of my fingers. I had a general idea, but many were the occasions that I would start a sentence, or find myself a couple of paragraphs in, and I wasn't sure where it was going from there. But somehow, someway, my fingers kept moving until the right words would find themselves on the screen. And although those days seem as if they weren't long ago, they were. I'm starting to see how one day is like a thousand to the Lord. When you've got your hands full, time certainly gets away from you.
The Lord made it so clear to me. I think the only way He could have made it clearer was to give me a phone call or, in His usual fashion, send one of His angels to relay the message. I was to write a book. Every time I thought about it, my heart sped up. Each time someone mentioned it, the message became clearer. God even went to great length to create divine appointments. And each time that I wasn't positive, I'd offer up a prayer that was quickly met with confirmation.
I sat down with full intentions to have it written and bound within a year. I hardly had to think about the first few chapters. It was as if the words were stored in my fingertips itching to get out. I would type in a fury as the thoughts easily rolled in one after another. I was impressed at how quickly it seemed to be moving. All I had to do was open my computer and pull up Word, and the book seemed to be writing itself. Effortless. Easy. And the next thing I knew, I was staring at blank page and nothing was coming. I shut my computer thinking that it was a temporary block and something would come soon. That was a year ago.
Somewhere between then and now, I began thinking I couldn't do it. Who do I think I am that I could write a book? A blog, that's easy. A book, that's a different story (no pun intended)! Because the truth is, I am far from qualified. I don't know a thing about writing a book. I went to school to study numbers. Numbers and dollar signs are the two things I've worked with the most. Want me to reconcile your checking account? No sweat! Need me to make you a budget? Done. I know the English language. I know how to spell. I have a decent grasp on grammar, but I didn't study literature. I didn't go to school to learn this stuff. I clearly have no idea what I am doing. Why did I ever think that I could do this?
I sat in a new Bible study 5 weeks ago and there it was again. The confirmation. The reminder of what I need to do. And as I have struggled immensely with this task, I realized that I don't have to do it. I don't have to pick it back up. I don't have to fight through the difficulty of sharing a hard story or facing criticism or rejection of something that is near and dear to me. In fact, I could keep my little chapters safe on my desktop and just be proud of what I've got thus far. I don't have to keep going. I don't have to keep writing. If there's one thing I've learned about God, He never makes us do one thing or another. He simply prompts and it's our choice of whether or not we're going to follow.
And so what if I stopped? No one would know, and no one would care. No one would hold it against me. God wouldn't strike me down or punish me. God would still love me, and I know He'd still use me. But what if God already had plans for this book? What if He had plans in place of how He would use it? What if He already had hands providentially picked out to hold this book? Hands that would be desperate for a word of encouragement. Hands that are seeking and searching for a story to align with theirs and give them a glimmer of hope that God really can use all things for the good of those who love him. Hands that need pages to turn so that God can use the personal testimony of a girl as healing balm to hearts that are hurting and broken. Hands that, right now are bare, but hands that might be filled if mine chose not to give up.
What is God calling you to do? What has He laid on your heart? It wouldn't be there if it didn't have a purpose and if He didn't already have a plan for how He would use it. God never calls us to fruitless, futile tasks. No, when God calls, it's because God desires to do something. He already has it figured out, so we don't have to worry about that part. We just have to follow the prompting of His spirit and He'll take care of the rest.
"He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others, When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us." - 2 Corinthians 1:4
The Lord made it so clear to me. I think the only way He could have made it clearer was to give me a phone call or, in His usual fashion, send one of His angels to relay the message. I was to write a book. Every time I thought about it, my heart sped up. Each time someone mentioned it, the message became clearer. God even went to great length to create divine appointments. And each time that I wasn't positive, I'd offer up a prayer that was quickly met with confirmation.
I sat down with full intentions to have it written and bound within a year. I hardly had to think about the first few chapters. It was as if the words were stored in my fingertips itching to get out. I would type in a fury as the thoughts easily rolled in one after another. I was impressed at how quickly it seemed to be moving. All I had to do was open my computer and pull up Word, and the book seemed to be writing itself. Effortless. Easy. And the next thing I knew, I was staring at blank page and nothing was coming. I shut my computer thinking that it was a temporary block and something would come soon. That was a year ago.
Somewhere between then and now, I began thinking I couldn't do it. Who do I think I am that I could write a book? A blog, that's easy. A book, that's a different story (no pun intended)! Because the truth is, I am far from qualified. I don't know a thing about writing a book. I went to school to study numbers. Numbers and dollar signs are the two things I've worked with the most. Want me to reconcile your checking account? No sweat! Need me to make you a budget? Done. I know the English language. I know how to spell. I have a decent grasp on grammar, but I didn't study literature. I didn't go to school to learn this stuff. I clearly have no idea what I am doing. Why did I ever think that I could do this?
I sat in a new Bible study 5 weeks ago and there it was again. The confirmation. The reminder of what I need to do. And as I have struggled immensely with this task, I realized that I don't have to do it. I don't have to pick it back up. I don't have to fight through the difficulty of sharing a hard story or facing criticism or rejection of something that is near and dear to me. In fact, I could keep my little chapters safe on my desktop and just be proud of what I've got thus far. I don't have to keep going. I don't have to keep writing. If there's one thing I've learned about God, He never makes us do one thing or another. He simply prompts and it's our choice of whether or not we're going to follow.
And so what if I stopped? No one would know, and no one would care. No one would hold it against me. God wouldn't strike me down or punish me. God would still love me, and I know He'd still use me. But what if God already had plans for this book? What if He had plans in place of how He would use it? What if He already had hands providentially picked out to hold this book? Hands that would be desperate for a word of encouragement. Hands that are seeking and searching for a story to align with theirs and give them a glimmer of hope that God really can use all things for the good of those who love him. Hands that need pages to turn so that God can use the personal testimony of a girl as healing balm to hearts that are hurting and broken. Hands that, right now are bare, but hands that might be filled if mine chose not to give up.
What is God calling you to do? What has He laid on your heart? It wouldn't be there if it didn't have a purpose and if He didn't already have a plan for how He would use it. God never calls us to fruitless, futile tasks. No, when God calls, it's because God desires to do something. He already has it figured out, so we don't have to worry about that part. We just have to follow the prompting of His spirit and He'll take care of the rest.
"He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others, When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us." - 2 Corinthians 1:4
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