say you're sorry...
Aaron and I watched the four year olds during service a few Sundays ago. Here are two facts about children: they have an unfair amount of energy for their little bodies, and they constantly want your attention. We stood outside on the playground as they ran wild in their Sunday best. Vying for our attention and affirmation, they were all yelling, "Hey! Watch me do this!" And of course, they'd do something that was, well, not really that impressive, but we sure acted like they just broke an Olympic record. "Wow! That's amazing! You're doing great!" I realized that as long as I shouted encouragement their way, I didn't really have to do anything else. I was glad because it was hot and I was not appropriately dressed for the playground. Aaron was a better sport. Red faced and sweating, he'd chase them around. He was the fun one, I was the encourager. Worked for me!
One little ball of energy was dangling from the monkey bars. "Look at me," she yelled. I glanced in her direction and shouted. "Good girl!" She quickly fell from the bars, ran over, and said, "Hey! Why are you talking to me like a dog?" She explained to me that they say "good girl" to their dogs at home. Because I said it to her, I was, therefore, talking to her like a dog.
Seriously? I felt she was being a little dramatic. If I was whistling at her and yelling, "come here, girl," then I could see why she'd feel like she was being spoken to as a dog. I wanted to brush off her concern as nothing. She's a child. She'll get over it in like 5 seconds and not think a thing about it again. Either that, or she'll start saying it to other girls. But a catch in my spirit prompted me to apologize. To say I was sorry even though I didn't feel like I did anything wrong. And so I looked her in the eye and said, "I'm sorry. I know you're not a dog. I didn't mean to make you feel that way." She quickly forgave me, as children are gracious to do, and ran off to join the rest of the group on the slide.
"Say you're sorry,"
How many times have we heard that as children? How many times have we required that of children? You'd think by the amount of apologizing we make children do, we'd be pros at it as adults. But it seems that somewhere along the way, we decide that we're too old to apologize. We say what we think, express how we feel, and we do it unapologetically. I get it. This was a struggle for me until I got married. I have probably apologized more in the last 4 years of my life than ever. Marriage and parenthood are some of God's ultimate refining tools, and as easy as it sounds to say you're sorry, it's tough to do. Sometimes its even harder when it's to the people you love the most. In fact, I have come to learn that if you don't think you need to apologize, that's exactly when you need to. And even if it has been a while, and even if it seems like the statues of limitations on your apology has probably run out, well, a late apology can do wonders. Not just for the one receiving it, but also for the one who gives it.
Maybe you don't need to give an apology. Maybe you're owed one. Maybe you haven't forgotten and you remember. You remember everything, probably too much, and you're not going to forget it anytime soon. You're not going to let it go. You're going to hold out for that apology until it's said in the exact way that you want to hear it, and then you'll finally forgive. Then, you'll finally move on. But sometimes apologies are really hard to give, aren't they? Sometimes pride swells up and the thought of apologizing just seems overwhelming. Where would the apology even begin? How would it end? And sometimes, it just seems easier to say nothing. Or, maybe, sometimes we just tell ourselves that it's not a big deal and we don't need to say anything about it. What's done is done.
And so if you're waiting, why don't you stop? Why don't you choose to go ahead and forgive? Why don't you just assume that they're sorry? I bet they are. Why don't you choose to be the bigger person and just let it go? Understand that we've probably got a few hanging apologies out there ourselves, and so we'll show some grace. We'll extend some mercy. After all, wouldn't we want that in return? And if you know you need to apologize, then say you're sorry. You don't have to write a novel about it. You don't have to get down on your knees and grovel. You never know how your apology might break down a wall that sets someone free. You never know how a relationship might be restored, how a heart might healed, or how a stronghold might be broken if you'd just say what you need to. And most of all, you may come to find that your load becomes lighter, your heart is changed, and your spirit is lifted when you say you're sorry and when you choose to forgive. To forgive as you have been forgiven.
"... and forgive us our sins as we have forgiven those who have sinned against us..." - Matthew 6:12
One little ball of energy was dangling from the monkey bars. "Look at me," she yelled. I glanced in her direction and shouted. "Good girl!" She quickly fell from the bars, ran over, and said, "Hey! Why are you talking to me like a dog?" She explained to me that they say "good girl" to their dogs at home. Because I said it to her, I was, therefore, talking to her like a dog.
Seriously? I felt she was being a little dramatic. If I was whistling at her and yelling, "come here, girl," then I could see why she'd feel like she was being spoken to as a dog. I wanted to brush off her concern as nothing. She's a child. She'll get over it in like 5 seconds and not think a thing about it again. Either that, or she'll start saying it to other girls. But a catch in my spirit prompted me to apologize. To say I was sorry even though I didn't feel like I did anything wrong. And so I looked her in the eye and said, "I'm sorry. I know you're not a dog. I didn't mean to make you feel that way." She quickly forgave me, as children are gracious to do, and ran off to join the rest of the group on the slide.
"Say you're sorry,"
How many times have we heard that as children? How many times have we required that of children? You'd think by the amount of apologizing we make children do, we'd be pros at it as adults. But it seems that somewhere along the way, we decide that we're too old to apologize. We say what we think, express how we feel, and we do it unapologetically. I get it. This was a struggle for me until I got married. I have probably apologized more in the last 4 years of my life than ever. Marriage and parenthood are some of God's ultimate refining tools, and as easy as it sounds to say you're sorry, it's tough to do. Sometimes its even harder when it's to the people you love the most. In fact, I have come to learn that if you don't think you need to apologize, that's exactly when you need to. And even if it has been a while, and even if it seems like the statues of limitations on your apology has probably run out, well, a late apology can do wonders. Not just for the one receiving it, but also for the one who gives it.
Maybe you don't need to give an apology. Maybe you're owed one. Maybe you haven't forgotten and you remember. You remember everything, probably too much, and you're not going to forget it anytime soon. You're not going to let it go. You're going to hold out for that apology until it's said in the exact way that you want to hear it, and then you'll finally forgive. Then, you'll finally move on. But sometimes apologies are really hard to give, aren't they? Sometimes pride swells up and the thought of apologizing just seems overwhelming. Where would the apology even begin? How would it end? And sometimes, it just seems easier to say nothing. Or, maybe, sometimes we just tell ourselves that it's not a big deal and we don't need to say anything about it. What's done is done.
And so if you're waiting, why don't you stop? Why don't you choose to go ahead and forgive? Why don't you just assume that they're sorry? I bet they are. Why don't you choose to be the bigger person and just let it go? Understand that we've probably got a few hanging apologies out there ourselves, and so we'll show some grace. We'll extend some mercy. After all, wouldn't we want that in return? And if you know you need to apologize, then say you're sorry. You don't have to write a novel about it. You don't have to get down on your knees and grovel. You never know how your apology might break down a wall that sets someone free. You never know how a relationship might be restored, how a heart might healed, or how a stronghold might be broken if you'd just say what you need to. And most of all, you may come to find that your load becomes lighter, your heart is changed, and your spirit is lifted when you say you're sorry and when you choose to forgive. To forgive as you have been forgiven.
"... and forgive us our sins as we have forgiven those who have sinned against us..." - Matthew 6:12
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