to be happy for another... it's not always easy, but it's possible...
I joined a Christian sorority in college. I know that sounds like an oxymoron, but they truly do exist. It's not the same as a Greek sorority in the level of sisterhood, but that's because you get an incredibly diverse group of girls. We didn't have these super deep roots that went back a hundred years, as the sorority was fairly young, but there was a tradition of a ring circle. Here's my beef with West Texas and marriage. We have told college girls that if they do not find the love of their lives in college and get married immediately upon graduation, then that boat has sailed and they might as well become a cat lady or a nun. This couldn't be further from the truth, but as it is, college girls have felt this way for decades. No one flat out said it, but if you didn't engaged in college, you basically felt like there must be something wrong with you.
Well, back to ring circle. Anytime a girl in the sorority got engaged, she'd tie her ring on a string that was tied around a lit candle and passed around for everyone to oogle over. We'd turn the lights out and play spa music as each girl admired the ring until the candle finally made its way back to the owner. The owner would blow out the candle, everyone would cheer, and the newly engaged sister would share her proposal story. So A.) you better have received an oogle-worthy ring and B.) you better have had a knock it out of the park proposal (no pressure here, guys). Again, this was college. A time when no one has any money, and you don't even know what you're going to do for the rest of your life. We made a big deal out of these engagements, and before you think I'm sounding too cynical here, let me pause and say that many couples do meet in college. Many couples get married when they're very young and they enjoy 50+ years of wedded bliss. It was a proud occasion for each girl that got to send her ring around that circle, but for many of the girls, it was like rubbing salt into an open wound.
My second year in the sorority, I was voted president. I don't really know how that happened, but I found myself on the receiving end of many member emails. One of the sisters in the group wanted to let me know that the tradition of the ring circle needed to end because it hurt her feelings. She had been dating a boy for a couple of years, hoping and expecting him to propose, and he broke up with her. She felt like these ring circles were a personal jab at her singleness and did not like the way they made her feel. Unfortunately, the only thing she was considering here was the way she felt, not the way the one celebrating her engagement felt. I replied that we couldn't end this tradition, and that should she meet someone and get engaged, she would not only want to participate in the event, she would want others to be as excited about it as she was. It wasn't fair to the group as a whole to end a tradition that was a good thing because of hurt feelings. She hardly liked my response and dropped out of the sorority. I suppose that was one way to deal with it. And as this random memory came back to me yesterday, I realized that I've done this exact same thing many times, too. The only difference is that I never vocalized it, I just thought it.
I think we've all been here. In fact, if you have social media, or eyeballs, you've dealt with this. Something happens to, or for, someone that you're really hoping will happen to, or for, you and even though it's a great thing, you're really unhappy about it. Maybe the real word we need to use here is jealous. Yep, you're jealous that it's them and not you. You're jealous that they have something you want, or that they're something you want to be, and you can't find it in your heart to be happy for them. You can't tell them congratulations, and if you do, it's not sincere. You roll your eyes (maybe internally), and you decide that you're going to hold some little grudge or vendetta against them that's not their fault. It's not their fault that they found the love of their life first. It's not their fault that they had a baby... or 2 or 3... and you're still waiting on one. It's not their fault that they got the promotion, that they won the election, that they received the job, or were given the award. But for some reason you feel like whatever they did, they did it to spite you. To hurt your feelings. To one-up you. When really, they're just living their life making the best decisions for themselves as they possibly can. It has nothing to do with you, or your circumstances, so there's no need to take it personal.
But the enemy loves it when we're jealous. Oh, how he loves to divide. To sever our relationships over something that is a good thing. How he loves to make us doubt God, even blame God. What a thrill He gets when God's people become ungrateful and unappreciative for the things that God has done for them because they suffer from envy and wanting what others have. For if he can turn our eyes inward, he can do greater damage. He can kill our self-worth, steal our joy, and rob us of the abundant life that Jesus offers. And we let him do it. With each click of Facebook, with each like in Instagram, we let the enemy have a foothold that should belong to Jesus and we begin holding good things against one another instead of celebrating them.
I don't know if that girl ever got engaged. I'd Facebook stalk her but I can't remember her name. I hope she did. I hope she found the love of her life and that they are living happily ever after. And I think that's the key. I think that when we hope for the best for others, when we celebrate the good things God has done for them, even if it hasn't happened for us, when we congratulate them, when we cheer them on and lift them up, we find that our happiness multiples. We can be grateful for what God is doing in their lives just as we can be grateful for what He is doing in our own. We can thank God that He is working and moving in so many miraculous ways, using His people to do great things, and is answering prayer after prayer for all who belong to the body of Christ. We can thank Him for the talents, abilities, and gifts He's given other people because they are making a difference. We can thank Him that He's called each of us to a specific place, with a specific purpose. And we can thank Him that He isn't comparing us. He isn't stacking us up against one another, as we often do. He is just concerned about our individual obedience and faithfulness in our walk with Him.
So there's no need to divide. No need to be jealous or envious or sad. Let's celebrate what God is doing not only for and through us, but for and through our brothers and sisters in Christ. Because we're all working towards the same goal here, the goal of bringing glory to His name, and if we can build one another up along the way, we'll find that the journey is more joyful.
"And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near." - Hebrews 10:25
Well, back to ring circle. Anytime a girl in the sorority got engaged, she'd tie her ring on a string that was tied around a lit candle and passed around for everyone to oogle over. We'd turn the lights out and play spa music as each girl admired the ring until the candle finally made its way back to the owner. The owner would blow out the candle, everyone would cheer, and the newly engaged sister would share her proposal story. So A.) you better have received an oogle-worthy ring and B.) you better have had a knock it out of the park proposal (no pressure here, guys). Again, this was college. A time when no one has any money, and you don't even know what you're going to do for the rest of your life. We made a big deal out of these engagements, and before you think I'm sounding too cynical here, let me pause and say that many couples do meet in college. Many couples get married when they're very young and they enjoy 50+ years of wedded bliss. It was a proud occasion for each girl that got to send her ring around that circle, but for many of the girls, it was like rubbing salt into an open wound.
My second year in the sorority, I was voted president. I don't really know how that happened, but I found myself on the receiving end of many member emails. One of the sisters in the group wanted to let me know that the tradition of the ring circle needed to end because it hurt her feelings. She had been dating a boy for a couple of years, hoping and expecting him to propose, and he broke up with her. She felt like these ring circles were a personal jab at her singleness and did not like the way they made her feel. Unfortunately, the only thing she was considering here was the way she felt, not the way the one celebrating her engagement felt. I replied that we couldn't end this tradition, and that should she meet someone and get engaged, she would not only want to participate in the event, she would want others to be as excited about it as she was. It wasn't fair to the group as a whole to end a tradition that was a good thing because of hurt feelings. She hardly liked my response and dropped out of the sorority. I suppose that was one way to deal with it. And as this random memory came back to me yesterday, I realized that I've done this exact same thing many times, too. The only difference is that I never vocalized it, I just thought it.
I think we've all been here. In fact, if you have social media, or eyeballs, you've dealt with this. Something happens to, or for, someone that you're really hoping will happen to, or for, you and even though it's a great thing, you're really unhappy about it. Maybe the real word we need to use here is jealous. Yep, you're jealous that it's them and not you. You're jealous that they have something you want, or that they're something you want to be, and you can't find it in your heart to be happy for them. You can't tell them congratulations, and if you do, it's not sincere. You roll your eyes (maybe internally), and you decide that you're going to hold some little grudge or vendetta against them that's not their fault. It's not their fault that they found the love of their life first. It's not their fault that they had a baby... or 2 or 3... and you're still waiting on one. It's not their fault that they got the promotion, that they won the election, that they received the job, or were given the award. But for some reason you feel like whatever they did, they did it to spite you. To hurt your feelings. To one-up you. When really, they're just living their life making the best decisions for themselves as they possibly can. It has nothing to do with you, or your circumstances, so there's no need to take it personal.
But the enemy loves it when we're jealous. Oh, how he loves to divide. To sever our relationships over something that is a good thing. How he loves to make us doubt God, even blame God. What a thrill He gets when God's people become ungrateful and unappreciative for the things that God has done for them because they suffer from envy and wanting what others have. For if he can turn our eyes inward, he can do greater damage. He can kill our self-worth, steal our joy, and rob us of the abundant life that Jesus offers. And we let him do it. With each click of Facebook, with each like in Instagram, we let the enemy have a foothold that should belong to Jesus and we begin holding good things against one another instead of celebrating them.
I don't know if that girl ever got engaged. I'd Facebook stalk her but I can't remember her name. I hope she did. I hope she found the love of her life and that they are living happily ever after. And I think that's the key. I think that when we hope for the best for others, when we celebrate the good things God has done for them, even if it hasn't happened for us, when we congratulate them, when we cheer them on and lift them up, we find that our happiness multiples. We can be grateful for what God is doing in their lives just as we can be grateful for what He is doing in our own. We can thank God that He is working and moving in so many miraculous ways, using His people to do great things, and is answering prayer after prayer for all who belong to the body of Christ. We can thank Him for the talents, abilities, and gifts He's given other people because they are making a difference. We can thank Him that He's called each of us to a specific place, with a specific purpose. And we can thank Him that He isn't comparing us. He isn't stacking us up against one another, as we often do. He is just concerned about our individual obedience and faithfulness in our walk with Him.
So there's no need to divide. No need to be jealous or envious or sad. Let's celebrate what God is doing not only for and through us, but for and through our brothers and sisters in Christ. Because we're all working towards the same goal here, the goal of bringing glory to His name, and if we can build one another up along the way, we'll find that the journey is more joyful.
"And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near." - Hebrews 10:25
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