my portion...
My sweet Annabeth, you have reached your nineteenth month of life and I can't believe that we are now closer to your second birthday than your first. Watching you grow is such a bittersweet thing that I can't really decide how I feel about it. Last night I scrolled through my camera album looking at pictures of you from this time last year and I had this overwhelming feeling to cry. I didn't, and I don't even know why I felt that way. I have loved every single moment of time with you, and I am doing my absolute best to cherish each one.
You are turning more and more into a little girl with each passing day although you'll always be my baby. I still ask you if you're my baby and you usually agree. I think I probably kiss you a million times a day, and I love the moments when I get kisses in return. You really are a kissy little gal, but you love kissing random objects more than people. It's not unusual for me to witness you picking up a little stuffed animal or doll and covering it with affection. You often turn your head to the side to give hugs and say, "awww!" while you're doing it. Quite adorable! You're also starting to put words together. You can follow instructions to a T, and you are smart as a whip! We can't pull anything over on you. I've learned that you possess a great amount of determination and you don't stop until you succeed. My favorite part of the day has become mornings. I don't know when or how we started this, but I began bringing you back to bed with me after you wake up so we can watch TV and snuggle while you drink your milk. It does my heart a world of good to spend that time with you. You are such an independent little spirit, but you've become my shadow and as challenging as that can be at times, I love having you right by my side. Hearing you call out "Mommy" with your sweet little voice is music to my ears! I'm sure I've said this before but I'll say it again. Giving up my career to stay home with you was the best decision hands down and I don't regret it one bit. I hope you feel the same!
I always wonder what I am going to write about each month when it comes time to sit down and share a bit of motherly advice. I don't ever plan ahead but rather let our circumstances or the things God is teaching me be the subject of these posts. And so this one was certainly not one I ever intended to write, but I think it's important to share because one day I know you'll be in the same situation and I want you to have these words to draw from should you need a little help.
My Nana, your great grandmother, passed away last week and her funeral service was on Monday. I am thirty years old and this is the first time I have lost a loved one to death. I've had family members pass away but they were distant relatives that didn't play a leading role in my life from day one. Nana, however, was there from my start. And so when I had friends that lost grandparents I often thought, "I'll be a total wreck if and when that day happens." I wondered how I would be able to deal with such a great loss. How would I cope? The though of losing someone I loved so dearly filled me with great fear. Would I be able to live through something so devastating? Would I be able to handle the grief and sorrow? But for three decades I haven't had to deal with those worries until last Thursday.
Your Grampy had a lot on his shoulders as he was the primary care giver for Nana. He had to make a the tough decisions and then deal with the day to day challenges that come with a sick and aging parent. I'm going to write about this one day soon because it has been a great lesson to me in honoring your parents and will be to you, too, so be sure you take time to read that one! Anyway, I volunteered to write the obituary for Nana because I felt it would be one weight lifted off his shoulders. It was the least I could do, and since I enjoy writing I felt it was something I could do well. But somehow that request was turned into giving the eulogy at the funeral. I wasn't too keen on the idea but I also couldn't say no. I knew no one else would volunteer, and I did feel that it was owed to Nana to have someone share from a personal perspective about the impact she left on the lives of her family members. And so I accepted the responsibility, which felt very weighty at the time, and prayed for days that God would help me in this endeavor. It was a lofty task and a difficult one, I might add. It's not easy to stand in front of a crowd and speak, much less when you're grieving someone you love and required to stand in front of your family who is also grief stricken. And so my prayer was simple. "Lord, please help me make it through this eulogy without crying. Dry up my tears!" That might sound like an odd request, but I knew I couldn't get through it on my own. Even when I practiced it by myself I had to stop many times. But I wanted to do it justice. I wanted to be able to honor Nana in the best way possible, and I figured it might be hard to do so being a blubbering mess.
The pastor, who preached the most uplifting funeral service I've ever attended, handed the podium over to me. I prayed one last prayer for dry eyes, took a deep breath, and I started reading the words I had written in memory of Nana. I had to make it through three pages of notes, and it was only going to get harder with each page turn. But by a miracle alone, I wasn't crying! I couldn't believe it! The very moment I had been somewhat dreading was going so smoothly you would think I had done this before. And when I finished my heart was filled with gratitude as I realized what an incredible blessing I had just received. I was so grateful for the opportunity to be the one to stand on behalf of my family and share about our amazing Nana who was such a blessing in so many ways! It may not have been the assignment I signed up to do, but given the opportunity I would do it again. Sometimes, the things in life that appear to be the most difficult are the very places where God's richest blessings abide!
Many times in the book of Psalms, God is referred to as our portion. Honestly, I've never really understood what that meant until now. So often we come into the dark and difficult moments in life wondering how we are going to make it through. But God gives us exactly what we need at the moment we need it. Our portion. Because He is our portion. When we need strength, he gives us a portion of His own. We we need comfort, He gives us a portion. When we need help, peace, love, or encouragement, He sends us a portion to gets us through that very moment so we can keep moving forward.
There have been many moments in my life when I thought I'd never make it to brighter days. Moments that were so challenging and hard I really wondered if God knew what He was doing and who He was dealing with. Didn't he know how weak I was? Couldn't he see how scared I felt? Wasn't he aware of how helpless and unprepared I had been? You bet! But it didn't matter because God was right there with me. My portion, giving me the very things I needed at the moment I needed them so that I understood I didn't have to do it on my own. I just to had to lean on Him and He would carry me through. He always has, and He promises He always will.
So, sweet Annabeth, you will face difficult moments in life. There will be sadness and sorrow, darkness and tragedy. You may be asked to do something you'd rather not. You may be paralyzed with fear, wondering how you'll make it through. But I want to remember these words of truth, "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." (Psalm 73:26) He is your portion, too!
You are turning more and more into a little girl with each passing day although you'll always be my baby. I still ask you if you're my baby and you usually agree. I think I probably kiss you a million times a day, and I love the moments when I get kisses in return. You really are a kissy little gal, but you love kissing random objects more than people. It's not unusual for me to witness you picking up a little stuffed animal or doll and covering it with affection. You often turn your head to the side to give hugs and say, "awww!" while you're doing it. Quite adorable! You're also starting to put words together. You can follow instructions to a T, and you are smart as a whip! We can't pull anything over on you. I've learned that you possess a great amount of determination and you don't stop until you succeed. My favorite part of the day has become mornings. I don't know when or how we started this, but I began bringing you back to bed with me after you wake up so we can watch TV and snuggle while you drink your milk. It does my heart a world of good to spend that time with you. You are such an independent little spirit, but you've become my shadow and as challenging as that can be at times, I love having you right by my side. Hearing you call out "Mommy" with your sweet little voice is music to my ears! I'm sure I've said this before but I'll say it again. Giving up my career to stay home with you was the best decision hands down and I don't regret it one bit. I hope you feel the same!
I always wonder what I am going to write about each month when it comes time to sit down and share a bit of motherly advice. I don't ever plan ahead but rather let our circumstances or the things God is teaching me be the subject of these posts. And so this one was certainly not one I ever intended to write, but I think it's important to share because one day I know you'll be in the same situation and I want you to have these words to draw from should you need a little help.
My Nana, your great grandmother, passed away last week and her funeral service was on Monday. I am thirty years old and this is the first time I have lost a loved one to death. I've had family members pass away but they were distant relatives that didn't play a leading role in my life from day one. Nana, however, was there from my start. And so when I had friends that lost grandparents I often thought, "I'll be a total wreck if and when that day happens." I wondered how I would be able to deal with such a great loss. How would I cope? The though of losing someone I loved so dearly filled me with great fear. Would I be able to live through something so devastating? Would I be able to handle the grief and sorrow? But for three decades I haven't had to deal with those worries until last Thursday.
Your Grampy had a lot on his shoulders as he was the primary care giver for Nana. He had to make a the tough decisions and then deal with the day to day challenges that come with a sick and aging parent. I'm going to write about this one day soon because it has been a great lesson to me in honoring your parents and will be to you, too, so be sure you take time to read that one! Anyway, I volunteered to write the obituary for Nana because I felt it would be one weight lifted off his shoulders. It was the least I could do, and since I enjoy writing I felt it was something I could do well. But somehow that request was turned into giving the eulogy at the funeral. I wasn't too keen on the idea but I also couldn't say no. I knew no one else would volunteer, and I did feel that it was owed to Nana to have someone share from a personal perspective about the impact she left on the lives of her family members. And so I accepted the responsibility, which felt very weighty at the time, and prayed for days that God would help me in this endeavor. It was a lofty task and a difficult one, I might add. It's not easy to stand in front of a crowd and speak, much less when you're grieving someone you love and required to stand in front of your family who is also grief stricken. And so my prayer was simple. "Lord, please help me make it through this eulogy without crying. Dry up my tears!" That might sound like an odd request, but I knew I couldn't get through it on my own. Even when I practiced it by myself I had to stop many times. But I wanted to do it justice. I wanted to be able to honor Nana in the best way possible, and I figured it might be hard to do so being a blubbering mess.
The pastor, who preached the most uplifting funeral service I've ever attended, handed the podium over to me. I prayed one last prayer for dry eyes, took a deep breath, and I started reading the words I had written in memory of Nana. I had to make it through three pages of notes, and it was only going to get harder with each page turn. But by a miracle alone, I wasn't crying! I couldn't believe it! The very moment I had been somewhat dreading was going so smoothly you would think I had done this before. And when I finished my heart was filled with gratitude as I realized what an incredible blessing I had just received. I was so grateful for the opportunity to be the one to stand on behalf of my family and share about our amazing Nana who was such a blessing in so many ways! It may not have been the assignment I signed up to do, but given the opportunity I would do it again. Sometimes, the things in life that appear to be the most difficult are the very places where God's richest blessings abide!
Many times in the book of Psalms, God is referred to as our portion. Honestly, I've never really understood what that meant until now. So often we come into the dark and difficult moments in life wondering how we are going to make it through. But God gives us exactly what we need at the moment we need it. Our portion. Because He is our portion. When we need strength, he gives us a portion of His own. We we need comfort, He gives us a portion. When we need help, peace, love, or encouragement, He sends us a portion to gets us through that very moment so we can keep moving forward.
There have been many moments in my life when I thought I'd never make it to brighter days. Moments that were so challenging and hard I really wondered if God knew what He was doing and who He was dealing with. Didn't he know how weak I was? Couldn't he see how scared I felt? Wasn't he aware of how helpless and unprepared I had been? You bet! But it didn't matter because God was right there with me. My portion, giving me the very things I needed at the moment I needed them so that I understood I didn't have to do it on my own. I just to had to lean on Him and He would carry me through. He always has, and He promises He always will.
So, sweet Annabeth, you will face difficult moments in life. There will be sadness and sorrow, darkness and tragedy. You may be asked to do something you'd rather not. You may be paralyzed with fear, wondering how you'll make it through. But I want to remember these words of truth, "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." (Psalm 73:26) He is your portion, too!
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