Nana
"Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints. O Lord, truly I am your servant; I am your servant, the son of your maidservant; you have freed me from my chains." - Psalm 116:15-16
You have walked with me through loss. Through joys and sorrows and surprises of all kinds. It's been a long time coming. Death. A subject I have yet to write about. One on which I had little experience. Thirty years of life have passed and I've yet to feel the sting of the grave. But today I write with blurry sight a heart full of both sorrow and gratitude, for God has freed my Nana from her chains.
I met her on the day I was born. Wrapped in a bundle of blankets, she held me for a photo op with an award winning smile and her signature red nails. Beauty. One of the many words used to describe her. Nana. She was stunning, actually, and had she been born near California, instead of in the middle of nowhere Oklahoma, I think she could have been a movie star! She certainly had the personality for it. I actually wrote about her a few years ago, so I'm going to pull from that post and give you a glimpse of what life with her was like.
When I was a little girl, my brother and I spent pretty much every weekend with her. We couldn't wait until Friday nights. My mom would drive us to the post office in Smyer and gladly pass us off to Nana. We'd spend the weekend getting spoiled rotten. We soaked up every moment with her, and I know she soaked up her time with us, too. We'd go to dinner, watch movies (ones that we probably shouldn't have watched but Kenlee would convince her they were fine), and stay up incredibly late. And then we'd get ready for bed. I remember watching her take off her make-up at night and rubbing Merle Norman creme all over her face. After she was ready for bed, I'd personally give her her vitamins by hand and then the three of us would crawl into her king sized bed and rest up for Saturday. Saturday morning we'd wake up and she'd fix us breakfast. She had these Mickey Mouse mugs that we loved! I wasn't a coffee drinker, I'm still not, so she'd make me hot chocolate. We'd get ready for our day, which usually consisted of baking 4-ingredient peanut butter cookies, bread in her bread maker, a shopping spree at the Dollar Store (my personal favorite) and then whatever else we wanted to do. It never got old. Our time with her was always anticipated and enjoyed. I could write a good few hours worth of funny memories I have with Nana. She was such a good sport and was always up for whatever we wanted to do. But isn't that the whole purpose of having grandparents? Isn't their job to just spoil their grandbabies and make fun memories with them? She was really good at her job, I'll say!
Nana was the epitome of fun! She was always up for a good time, and she was quite entertaining to say the least. She was full of life and vibrant. She was funny, she was witty, and she was incredibly charming. But she was a spitfire, too! I attribute it to her red hair and being the youngest of five. I'll never forget the story of her sharing how she got her name, which was Hellen. She said her mother didn't plan on having more than four children and when she found out she was pregnant again she said, "Aw, hell!" (Her words, not mine.) Is that not hilarious?! According to Nana, that's why she had two L's in her name. I honestly can't tell you whether or not that story is true. Either way, I'll never forget it as long as I live. Anyone who's at the bottom of the sibling totem pole knows full well that they've got to have thick skin and a good defense. Nana's life wasn't a rose garden but you would have never known. She always held her head high, maintained her poise, and carried herself with great elegance and dignity.
Towards the end of my college career, we noticed that Nana was becoming pretty forgetful and repetitive. My dad frequented her house most days for "lunch," which usually consisted of snacks and a coke (her favorite combo) and he could tell things were changing. She and her husband bought a new house and moved, which kicked things into high gear. Of course, she was managing fine but we noticed small things that raised red flags. Things like putting on her shirt inside out or using her lip liner to draw on her eyebrows. She was always so aware and particular of her appearance, so this was very unlike her. These forgetful instances weren't life threatening issues but they were concerning. But as time progressed she digressed. We could no long overlook this forgetfulness or assume it was simply a by-product of her age. It was getting significantly worse. Her mother suffered many, many years with dementia, so it was pretty obvious as to what was happening. And so three years ago my dad and his sister made one of the hardest choices a child must make and moved her into a nursing home.
I don't know what's worse, loosing someone suddenly or watching them deteriorate. Frankly, they're both terrible. Anyone who is familiar with memory loss knows what a cruel illness it is. No illness is a friend, but this one is a slow and a painful process that can last for a very long time. I can't imagine what it feels like to literally forget everything. What it must feel like to not know who you are, where you are, what day it is, or how to do simple things like walk, and talk, and eat. I can't imagine the fear, sorrow, and frustration that may very well be associated with memory loss because there comes a point when you are faced with the reality that what you know today you may not know tomorrow. Each case is different, and as I have thought about Nana's plight I have seriously wondered often how God was working that out for good. You may be wondering that, too, so let me share some details.
When the decision was made to move her, the goal was to get her the best possible care. Memory care units are very far and few between, not to mention how difficult it is to find an opening. Carillon was the desired place but there wasn't a spot available. The tragic thing is that they only open spots when a resident has passed away, so how do you pray about that? But God, in his kindness and goodness, made room for her at the moment it was needed. And not only did God provide her a place but He provided her love the entire time. Many loved ones are sent into nursing homes forgotten and rarely, if ever, see their family members. But that wasn't the case for Nana. Her husband visited her every single day. And her children came often, too. My dad, the one man who has faithfully loved and cared for her for almost 60 years, checked in on his mother throughout the week. That's proof right there of what kind of woman she was. And what a lesson for us all when it comes to God's command of honoring your parents. My mom did all of her laundry each week and went every weekend to paint her nails. Nana may have never remembered her visitors, or even realized how many she had, but in the moment she knew she was loved and what she knew in part, she now knows in full.
She fell on Sunday. It wasn't her first fall but it was her worst. Hospice was called in and we all know that timelines are short when Hospice arrives. What we didn't know was how short it would be. But on Sunday morning, as I drove to church, I passed Carillon and I felt the Lord saying, "Pray for her." We didn't know of her fall at the time, and I didn't even know what to pray. I said, "Lord, would you cover Nana with your mercy and grace." I talked with my mom later in the day and she informed me that Nana was in great pain and things were looking grim. And so my prayer over and over and over was that God would cover her with His mercy and grace. It's been more than clear that healing on this side of Heaven would not be the answer. And so God, in his grace and mercy, acted on behalf of our prayers and did the most loving thing He could do. He surrounded her by people who loved her as she stepped out of her earthly vessel, not having to make the short trek alone, and into eternity with Him forever.
It's bittersweet. No one wants to see their loved one suffer and slowly slip away and yet it's really hard to let them go. But knowing that they'll fall into the arms of Jesus makes it a little easier. And when I thought about the verse in Psalms, and how precious in the sight of the Lord his loved ones is, I get it. Because to be away from this body, this body that is broken and scarred and full of suffering, means we are whole and healed and rejoicing with the Lord. How sweet for those who trust in Jesus. To know that when our final breath escapes from our lips, we are welcomed home. We are complete. We no longer have to face the trials and tribulations that come with living on this side of Heaven. And so we thank you, God. We thank you for creating Nana and giving her to our family. We thank you for who she was to us. For the joy and laughter she brought to our days. For the loving and faithful mother she was to her children. For the doting Nana she was to her grandchildren. We thank you for the peace that comes with knowing that we'll see her again when we are all reunited with you, and we look forward to that day! And we thank you, God, that you have freed her from her chains and that she is experiencing the promise of eternal life with you.
You have walked with me through loss. Through joys and sorrows and surprises of all kinds. It's been a long time coming. Death. A subject I have yet to write about. One on which I had little experience. Thirty years of life have passed and I've yet to feel the sting of the grave. But today I write with blurry sight a heart full of both sorrow and gratitude, for God has freed my Nana from her chains.
I met her on the day I was born. Wrapped in a bundle of blankets, she held me for a photo op with an award winning smile and her signature red nails. Beauty. One of the many words used to describe her. Nana. She was stunning, actually, and had she been born near California, instead of in the middle of nowhere Oklahoma, I think she could have been a movie star! She certainly had the personality for it. I actually wrote about her a few years ago, so I'm going to pull from that post and give you a glimpse of what life with her was like.
When I was a little girl, my brother and I spent pretty much every weekend with her. We couldn't wait until Friday nights. My mom would drive us to the post office in Smyer and gladly pass us off to Nana. We'd spend the weekend getting spoiled rotten. We soaked up every moment with her, and I know she soaked up her time with us, too. We'd go to dinner, watch movies (ones that we probably shouldn't have watched but Kenlee would convince her they were fine), and stay up incredibly late. And then we'd get ready for bed. I remember watching her take off her make-up at night and rubbing Merle Norman creme all over her face. After she was ready for bed, I'd personally give her her vitamins by hand and then the three of us would crawl into her king sized bed and rest up for Saturday. Saturday morning we'd wake up and she'd fix us breakfast. She had these Mickey Mouse mugs that we loved! I wasn't a coffee drinker, I'm still not, so she'd make me hot chocolate. We'd get ready for our day, which usually consisted of baking 4-ingredient peanut butter cookies, bread in her bread maker, a shopping spree at the Dollar Store (my personal favorite) and then whatever else we wanted to do. It never got old. Our time with her was always anticipated and enjoyed. I could write a good few hours worth of funny memories I have with Nana. She was such a good sport and was always up for whatever we wanted to do. But isn't that the whole purpose of having grandparents? Isn't their job to just spoil their grandbabies and make fun memories with them? She was really good at her job, I'll say!
Nana was the epitome of fun! She was always up for a good time, and she was quite entertaining to say the least. She was full of life and vibrant. She was funny, she was witty, and she was incredibly charming. But she was a spitfire, too! I attribute it to her red hair and being the youngest of five. I'll never forget the story of her sharing how she got her name, which was Hellen. She said her mother didn't plan on having more than four children and when she found out she was pregnant again she said, "Aw, hell!" (Her words, not mine.) Is that not hilarious?! According to Nana, that's why she had two L's in her name. I honestly can't tell you whether or not that story is true. Either way, I'll never forget it as long as I live. Anyone who's at the bottom of the sibling totem pole knows full well that they've got to have thick skin and a good defense. Nana's life wasn't a rose garden but you would have never known. She always held her head high, maintained her poise, and carried herself with great elegance and dignity.
Towards the end of my college career, we noticed that Nana was becoming pretty forgetful and repetitive. My dad frequented her house most days for "lunch," which usually consisted of snacks and a coke (her favorite combo) and he could tell things were changing. She and her husband bought a new house and moved, which kicked things into high gear. Of course, she was managing fine but we noticed small things that raised red flags. Things like putting on her shirt inside out or using her lip liner to draw on her eyebrows. She was always so aware and particular of her appearance, so this was very unlike her. These forgetful instances weren't life threatening issues but they were concerning. But as time progressed she digressed. We could no long overlook this forgetfulness or assume it was simply a by-product of her age. It was getting significantly worse. Her mother suffered many, many years with dementia, so it was pretty obvious as to what was happening. And so three years ago my dad and his sister made one of the hardest choices a child must make and moved her into a nursing home.
I don't know what's worse, loosing someone suddenly or watching them deteriorate. Frankly, they're both terrible. Anyone who is familiar with memory loss knows what a cruel illness it is. No illness is a friend, but this one is a slow and a painful process that can last for a very long time. I can't imagine what it feels like to literally forget everything. What it must feel like to not know who you are, where you are, what day it is, or how to do simple things like walk, and talk, and eat. I can't imagine the fear, sorrow, and frustration that may very well be associated with memory loss because there comes a point when you are faced with the reality that what you know today you may not know tomorrow. Each case is different, and as I have thought about Nana's plight I have seriously wondered often how God was working that out for good. You may be wondering that, too, so let me share some details.
When the decision was made to move her, the goal was to get her the best possible care. Memory care units are very far and few between, not to mention how difficult it is to find an opening. Carillon was the desired place but there wasn't a spot available. The tragic thing is that they only open spots when a resident has passed away, so how do you pray about that? But God, in his kindness and goodness, made room for her at the moment it was needed. And not only did God provide her a place but He provided her love the entire time. Many loved ones are sent into nursing homes forgotten and rarely, if ever, see their family members. But that wasn't the case for Nana. Her husband visited her every single day. And her children came often, too. My dad, the one man who has faithfully loved and cared for her for almost 60 years, checked in on his mother throughout the week. That's proof right there of what kind of woman she was. And what a lesson for us all when it comes to God's command of honoring your parents. My mom did all of her laundry each week and went every weekend to paint her nails. Nana may have never remembered her visitors, or even realized how many she had, but in the moment she knew she was loved and what she knew in part, she now knows in full.
She fell on Sunday. It wasn't her first fall but it was her worst. Hospice was called in and we all know that timelines are short when Hospice arrives. What we didn't know was how short it would be. But on Sunday morning, as I drove to church, I passed Carillon and I felt the Lord saying, "Pray for her." We didn't know of her fall at the time, and I didn't even know what to pray. I said, "Lord, would you cover Nana with your mercy and grace." I talked with my mom later in the day and she informed me that Nana was in great pain and things were looking grim. And so my prayer over and over and over was that God would cover her with His mercy and grace. It's been more than clear that healing on this side of Heaven would not be the answer. And so God, in his grace and mercy, acted on behalf of our prayers and did the most loving thing He could do. He surrounded her by people who loved her as she stepped out of her earthly vessel, not having to make the short trek alone, and into eternity with Him forever.
It's bittersweet. No one wants to see their loved one suffer and slowly slip away and yet it's really hard to let them go. But knowing that they'll fall into the arms of Jesus makes it a little easier. And when I thought about the verse in Psalms, and how precious in the sight of the Lord his loved ones is, I get it. Because to be away from this body, this body that is broken and scarred and full of suffering, means we are whole and healed and rejoicing with the Lord. How sweet for those who trust in Jesus. To know that when our final breath escapes from our lips, we are welcomed home. We are complete. We no longer have to face the trials and tribulations that come with living on this side of Heaven. And so we thank you, God. We thank you for creating Nana and giving her to our family. We thank you for who she was to us. For the joy and laughter she brought to our days. For the loving and faithful mother she was to her children. For the doting Nana she was to her grandchildren. We thank you for the peace that comes with knowing that we'll see her again when we are all reunited with you, and we look forward to that day! And we thank you, God, that you have freed her from her chains and that she is experiencing the promise of eternal life with you.
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