water your marriage...

We're about half way through our home renovations. Almost. I think. I say that but then I start to make a mental list and I'm not so sure anymore. Regardless, we've made and are still making progress. It may not be to the point that we expected, but we have yet to give up and that's saying something. We keep chipping away a little at a time, racing against our own timeline and expectations. When I hear other people's home reno stories that took years, I feel like we're doing pretty good. I've learned that home renovations can really go one of two ways. They can either strengthen your marriage or damage it. I am happy to report that so far I feel we've experienced more of the former than the latter. The first few months were the most challenging as we had to work through our expectations. But we finally dropped those, came to a happy medium, and decided that our relationship was worth more than our house. We want to fill our home with sweet memories, and that includes the memories from renovating it. 

The outside of our house needs some help. Anyone who knows anything about homes knows that curb appeal is a big deal. But keeping up with the outside of your house can often be harder than keeping up with the inside. So we had some grass planted, and we bought ourselves some pretty leafy plans to go in our porch pots. I'll be the first to admit that I've never had a green thumb. I love plants and flowers but I couldn't give two cents about tending to them. And I forget too, which doesn't help in the matter. But I figured we could manage these two, supposedly hardy, pots of plans. The employee at the nursery told us we just had to water them a few times a week and they'd pretty much take care of themselves. Easy enough, right? 

Wrong. 

We had this chaotic weekend that felt like a month scrunched into a few days and the plants went unwatered. I didn't think a thing about them until I would see them as I backed out of the driveway. I'd say to myself, "I need to water those plants" and then I'd totally forget until the next day when I'd repeat this exact same thing. But from the driveway they seemed okay. Wednesday afternoon, as I was backing out of the garage, I noticed a package on the front porch. I hopped out of the car to get it, and as I passed the pots I realized that most of the plants had shriveled up. I was so disappointed. We had just bought them and now they were dead! I made another mental note to water them the minute I returned home. These little guys were in dire need, and if I didn't tend to them soon they would die. I poured water over their sad little leaves hoping that it wasn't too late, and a few hours later I stepped outside to see them standing tall and full. A good drink. That's exactly what they needed. I set the watering can on the porch and decided I'd water them each afternoon during Annabeth's nap time. They are too pretty to lose, and it would be a shame to allow my forgetfulness to let them die. 

We celebrated our fifth anniversary this week and I thought about how much plants and marriage have in common. It's so easy to take ourfocus off of our marriage because we have a thousand other things pulling us away. We're easily distracted with work, extracurricular activities, children, and our daily tasks that our spouse usually ends up on the bottom of our list. "Oh, I'll get to them," we think and then another day goes by and we realize that we never did. Well, there will be tomorrow. Next week. Next month. And before we know it, our marriage is looking like a shriveled up plant because we haven't tended to it. We haven't given it what it needs to thrive and survive. But the unfortunate things is that when we come to that point in our marriage, it's usually after a long period of time. A great amount of damage has been done and we begin to think there's no way it can be revived. We've let it waste away so that there's little to no life left. And then we have to decide, do we even try or do we just give up let it go?

We try. Why? Well, first and foremost because we vowed to God that we would try. And secondly, because we promised our spouse we would. And no marriage is too far gone to be saved when both parties decide to make an effort to save it. Is it going to require work? Yes. Is it going to be difficult? Yes. Might it even be painful? Absolutely. But your marriage is too precious to not save. And so what do you do? Well, you begin pouring water on it. What does that look like? Maybe it's confession and forgiveness. Maybe it's big changes. Maybe it's coming to a realization that you've both got a lot of work to do and no one person is at fault. Maybe it's owning up to you part of the deal and then doing whatever you can to make it right. It's speaking your spouse's love language. It's communicating. It's finding Godly counsel. It's falling on your knees before God admitting that you've messed up and then looking to him for help. And when a little life comes back, you keep pouring on water. And every day, you tend to your marriage. On the days that you forget, you make a point to do something the next day that will nourish your relationship. And you do things along the way to fertilize it. Strengthen it. Give it a boost! And you never stop. You never stop taking care of your marriage because marriage is more than just finding a good spouse, it's being a good spouse. 

Five years ago I hoped for a beautiful and fruitful marriage. I knew I was marrying a good man and my desire was for many good years. But along the way I've learned that if I want a beautiful and fruitful marriage, I can't just hope for it. I've got to work towards it. And I can't do that on my own. I have to seek the Lord, the maker of marriage, to help me. To show me how to love and respect my husband. To help me be humble when I need to be and to humble me when I need it. To give me insight into our relationship so that I don't neglect the things that aren't so obvious to the eye. To show me what needs to change in my own heart so that I can serve my husband in a way that makes him feel safe and loved. To fill me with patience, knowledge, kindness, joy, love, peace, perseverance, and all of the things that are required in marriage. Because there is no way I could ever do this on my own. And neither can you. 

A sweet woman in my BSF group shared a great piece of advice about marriage with me. She's been married well over 50 years and she said, "When my husband is driving me absolutely crazy and I get to the point where I think I can't stand him anymore I get out two sheets of paper and pencil. On one sheet of paper I write down every single thing I can think about him that I don't like or that bothers me. On the other sheet of paper I write down everything about myself that I know isn't so good. When I look at the two my list is usually longer. And so I wad them up, throw them away, and say, "Thank you God for giving me a man who loves me and will put up with me!" 

Water your marriage. It's a gift from God, and one too precious and beautiful to let waste away.