Reason #718

Nights like tonight, I could write for hours and not say everything I need to say. In fact, I have so much racing through my mind and my heart that I don't know which one to go with. And so maybe it's best that I don't go with either until I've had more time to make sense of it all. Maybe it's best to keep it in until I can better articulate my thoughts. Do you ever have moments where you've got so many things to say yet you're at a loss for words? Well, that's me tonight.

We had a meeting at church this evening for a new study we are starting in February. Of course, I'm usually pretty transparent about myself here, and I know you all know my struggles. The truth is, I feel like I'll never win the battle of feeling like I need to be "more." More engaging, more involved, more positive, more encouraging, more patient, more kind, more understanding, more tenderhearted, more giving, more accepting, more grateful, more better (if that's grammatically correct.) Anyway, as we drove, I just asked the Lord for a song. Music is one of the main ways the Lord speaks truth to me, calms me, and reassures me. And the real beauty of songs is that He can give you one without having to hear it on the radio., but the radio was turned on low and a familiar song began to play.

There's a girl in the corner
With tear stains on her eyes
From the places she's wandered
And the shame she can't hide

She says, "How did I get here?
I'm not who I once was.
And I'm crippled by the fear
That I've fallen too far to love"

But don't you know who you are,
What's been done for you?
Don't you know who you are?

You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade.

Well she tries to believe it
That she's been given new life
But she can't shake the feeling
That it's not true tonight

She knows all the answers
And she's rehearsed all the lines
And so she'll try to do better
But then she's too weak to try

But don't you know who you are?

You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade.

'Cause this is not about what you've done,
But what's been done for you.
This is not about where you've been,
But where your brokenness brings you to

This is not about what you feel,
But what He felt to forgive you,
And what He felt to make you loved.

You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade. 

 

You are more. You, are more. More than what you've been through, and more than what you're going through. More than what you think you are, more than what you feel you are. You are more than a failure, you are more than a disappointment. You are more that a let down, you are more than a wreck. You are more than a hopeless situation, more than a broken vessel. You are more.

 

I don't feel it, I don't feel like I am more, just like I need to be more. But sometimes we just need to lean on God's word. To believe that it is truth and to stand on it. Because the world will never make us feel like we're more...ever. But in God's eyes, we are. We are more. 

 

And so I am thankful that even with all of my inadequacies, God sees me as more. And when I can't measure up, when I just can't seem to do it, God comes along side me to remind me of who I am, that I am more. More that the choices that I've made, more than the sum of my past mistakes, and more than the problems I create.

 

#718 - Because He sees us as more.

 

"Turn my eyes from worthless things, and give me life through your word. Reassure me of your promise, made to those who fear you. Help me abandon my shameful ways; for your regulations are good. I long to obey your commandments! Renew my life with your goodness." - Psalm 119:37-40