being married doesn't determine your worth, and being a mother doesn't increase your value...

I planned on being a mother by this point in my life. I certainly expected to have a few littles running around, and I figured I’d be close to the end of my child-bearing years. Growing up, I would have never told you that I’d be “this old” and childless. It just wasn’t in the plan book. But my life has not quite gone according to plan, and I bet yours hasn’t either.

 

I met a woman at a work event the other day, and I recognized her from church. We shook hands, exchanged names, and I said “Do you go to FBC?” Of course, I already knew the answer to that question but I didn’t want to appear creepy since I could clearly tell she didn’t remember me. I knew her name before she told me, I knew where she worked, and I knew exactly when and where we met. She said, “Yes, I thought I recognized you,” but  before I could remind her of how we knew one another, we were interrupted and the conversation went elsewhere. The event wrapped up and we walked outside together. She asked, “So how old are your children?” I replied, “Oh, I don’t have any children.” She looked at me as if that were a surprising statement and she said, “I figured I must have known you from the children’s ministry at church. So, if that’s not it, where have we met?” I reminded her of the bible study we had both attended last year, and she quickly recalled it to mind. We shook hands, parted ways, and I wondered if having children was the real key to being relevant as an adult woman.

 

There’s nothing worse than reading a topic on which the author has no experience. For me, it’s like listening to someone talk about marriage that has never been married. You sit back and think to yourself, “You have no idea what you’re saying,” because they don’t. They are entitled to their thoughts, but experience will change those. And so I’m not writing about parenthood. I’m not writing about child-bearing. I’m not even going to pretend I have an idea of what it’s like to be a mom. But I certainly understand what it’s like to be a childless, adult woman in her child-bearing years, and I often feel like the moment you’re finally seen as “legit” is when you step into motherhood.

 

I’ve struggled with not following the pressures of the crowd my entire life. I’ve given into fear and societal pressure once, and I vowed I’d never do it again. And yet I’ve so often found myself in situations where I felt like I had no identity because I didn’t easily fit into the mold the world had created. If only I had a boyfriend, I’d matter. If only I was engaged, I’d matter. If only I was married, I’d matter. If only I was a mother, I’d matter. I believed that I needed to be in that stage in which people expected so that I’d be seen as relevant. I had dreamt up this image of the perfect Christian woman in my mind and this is how it looked. She’d be engaged to be married before she graduated college so that she could get married as soon as she graduated. After one year of marriage, she’d begin working on motherhood. She’s space her babies a few years apart, she’d be a stay at home mom, and by the age of 30 she would have a picture perfect life. I know this sounds a little something like June Cleaver, but I bet it wasn’t too far from what you had imagined, either. This woman will be relevant, I thought, because she’ll have done it all. Of course, I didn’t realize how quickly 30 approaches, but time passes slowly when you’re dreaming.

 

Sometimes life throws you curveballs, and sometimes you’re a little late to the party. But it doesn’t make you irrelevant. Being married doesn’t determine your worth. Being a mother doesn’t increase your value. The stages of life we go through give us different perspectives, but by no means do they make us more of a woman. We can all learn from one another regardless of whether or not we’re in the same life stage because we’ve all been through different experiences. I don’t need to be married and a mother in order to relate to other women, and the same goes for you. Your life might not look like the majority’s, or even like what you imagined, but it’s not supposed to. God doesn’t have the same plan for all of us. He has a unique plan for each of us, and if we don’t embrace it, if we worry too much about what her plan looks like or what her timeline was, we may very well miss out on the exciting things God is wanting to do with our lives.

 

There is no cookie cutter way. There’s not one certain path. That woman you imagined, let her go. And if you happen run into her, don’t hold it against her. Remember, God has a plan for you just as he has one for her. Not all the same, but each one significant. In his eyes, we’re all relevant. Single, married, childless, or mothers, we all hold value, equal value, and we all have a purpose and a time for which each season will pass. The important thing to remember is that your true value and worth come not from anything you can achieve or accomplish on your own, rather, they come from Christ. From being made in His image. From choosing to be a child of God, and from allowing Him to use you in whatever stage He’s placed you. You, dear one, are valued and relevant not because of your title but because you were bought at a high price. Jesus shed his blood so that you may have life, and not just any life, but abundant life. Trust Him with the one He has given you, and He’ll make it worth-while!

 

"Therefore I, a prisoner for serving the Lord, beg you to lead a life worthy of your calling, for you have been called by God." - Ephesians 4:1